A
female
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anonymous
writes:i have this problem well actually its not me that has it, however i think i am contributing to it. My boyfriend lost his erection during sex and this is the second time it has happened.. We were in the missionary position and to be honest when it happened i felt so so embarrassed that i just sat there. HE asked me to wait a while to see if it would go back up again but it didnt and it left us both feeling unsatisfied. does this mean im bad in bed? When we have sex its just straight in for the kill no foreplay or anything and maybe that is the reason. I need help because i'm beginning to take this quite bad, what do i do if this happens again??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): If it happens again don't make a big deal of it. The bigger a deal you make it the more certain it is he won't be able to keep it up.
If it happens, ignore it happened. Talk dirty to him or do whatever he likes the most. Lick his nipples, etc
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): I agree with the others. There is a lot of pressure on us guys when it comes to sex. If the "melty man" (obscure "Coupling" TV show reference there) gets into our heads and we start to worry about losing our erection, guess what happens??? Yup, you guessed it... limp city.
Too much masturbation can also play a role in this. Most guys in their teens and twenties masturbate every day, sometimes more. His penis may be de-sensitized by using his hand and your vagina is less tight and thus less stimulating (sorry not trying to be mean).
See if you can speak with him candidly and say how you would like to try something you read about... say that you read that you both should agree to not masturbate for a week and then try hooking up again. Don't establish a date for the hook up, just catch him off guard one day close to a week's end and try getting him hard. Don't give him time to think about his erection. If you get him suitably arroused, he will keep his erection long enough to penetrate you and with his sensitized penis he should enjoy the sensations of being inside you. That should help him to the finish line.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Sex without foreplay though is a very big worry.. foreplay is necessary to make sure he gets hard enough and you get wet, so intercourse is sexy, non-painful and hot.. I suggest you and him really need to do more foreplay.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
Nope the lost of erection has nothing to do with you. Guy could be tired that's all. It sometimes happens, sex is not like the movies where everything is wonderful each and every time.
Embarrassment, well that's not good. If your embarrassed and he's embarrassed, the guy will get anxious, think your laughing at him, and then he really will have problems. Forget about it, making a big drama is the worse thing you both can do. You don't want him worrying about this time everytime you have sex, because that will make his dick stay limp. Forget it, kiss him, and pretend it never happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all for your help, however what do i do if this happens again during sex?? Should i be the one to try and get it up again?? it did feel kind of awkward
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 There are far too many factors involved here to settle on the conclusion that it is you. And dwelling upon such thoughts only encourages you to do and become something that you are not.
You say this only recently begun happening or it happens infrequently suggests that he may be stressed or sick. Now is the time for you to be supportive in other ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): PLENTY of guys have trouble "keeping it up" but this definitely doesnt mean its your fault. try foreplay beforehand, it can really work your guy up and get him in the mood for sex. sex should be an emotional connection, not just a physical one. so getting straight to it is fine now and then but surely building up to it makes that connection even more real? i dont know, im just talking from personal experience. maybe try asking your guy if theres anything you can do to make things more exciting or if theres anything he'd like to try.. mix it up a little. things like food, sexy underwear or outfits, be open minded to all sorts of things! but whatever you do, dont blame yourself. talk to your guy, tell him how you're feeling. be sensitive, as guys can get embarrassed or even ashamed about this sort of thing. but be honest too, because communication is key. hope this helps :)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 March 2010):
 My agreement is with "CaringGuy." It is not you, and I think it has more to do with a lack of foreplay. That is no way to maintain good sexual relations whether in marriage or not. Your reference to "straight in for the kill no foreplay or anything" is the telling sign in my opinion. There is much more to making love than that, if really "making love" is what you want. I think that you two are just screwing and that's not really very satisfying after a short while. There's more to loving than that.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 First off, your boyfriend might be suffering from erectile dysfunction depending on his age etc., it's a medical condition some men have that keeps them from keeping an erection, and it's nothing to be ashamed about, plenty of men have it and it can be corrected. In that case, being "bad" in bed has nothing to do with it.
If you think foreplay is the problem, go on and test that theory out. Erotic massages, touching, kissing, etc. goes a long way in having great sex and it adds more feeling to the sexual act. If it happens again, you can try intimately touching your boyfriend, see if that helps. But, don't make him feel bad about the situation and don't feel bad yourself. Look up erectile dysfunction and see if that's the problem. If you think that may be it, tell your boyfriend your thoughts. Explain to him that it's a legit medical condition and has nothing to do with his being good or bad in bed. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 March 2010):
Nope, nothing to do with you. He might be nervous or stressed about it. But it's not you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Rhiannon +, writes (1 March 2010):
 I highly doubt it's you honey! No foreplay? That's not good. Is it you or him that does not want foreplay?
My advice, if you/him or you both do not like foreplay.. Give each other a massage or tickle each other with a feather/ use your hair. Just touching each other innocently can turn you on if you do it in the right place. Kiss/tickle the top of his inner thigh, trust me he'll love it and i think little things like this will definitely improve your sex life, and the length of his erection (time not actual length, although that would be awsome!)
And also I would just sit down and calmly ask him if everything is okay as this could be down to stress, anxiety or nerves.
Hope this helps hun, let me know :) xxx
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