A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have two sons, 32 and 30 years old and I have two grandchildren, one is 4 and other is 1 year old. It was my birthday today 11/11/11. Earlier this week I asked my sons to make, with my grandchildren, a birthday card for me with the date 11/11/11 on it and to put something personal like a hand or foot imprint or even just draw round the children's hands. I received a happy birthday text at 7.30am this morning from my 30 year old son. I saw both of them this afternoon but no cards. I would have treasured those home made cards from my granchildren for the rest of my life with, what I felt was a special date for me. I feel very hurt and alone tonight. Was I asking too much ?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 No you weren't asking for too much, and yet... I can put myself in your sons's shoes.
Maybe you don't quite remember how full and hectic the days of a working parent are. There aren't factually many hours to spend with your kids after work and before their meals/bath/bedtime, and maybe they want to spend them doing something that the KIDS like. Kids at that age won't be enthusiastically cooperating, it won't just take a couple of minutes , they'll have be convinced and coaxed, it will take patience and insistence, they'll have to be distracted from their playdates and Teletubbies etc. You will say " So what, can't my sons even spend half an hour in a week to make their mom happy ?". Yes they could, but it's an half an hour that's subtracted from their preciously scant " grown up " time, that little time they have for watching their favourite TV show, reading their newspaper etc., - it's a complication, in a word.
I still remember vividly that when my son was in preschool and kindergarten his teachers always would come up with tons of these cute little projects - that of course needed parental involvement , I was forever carving pumpkins, and cutting from cardboard Easter bunnies and Xmas trees, and ...helping him make handmade birthday cards :) for his grandparents and uncles, stuff like that. Call me a monster , but honestly I can't say I was looking forward to that - I did not have tons of time, and I had better stuff to fill it with ,if given the chance. The And the child did not particularly enjoy all that either- he loved spending time with me, but doing HIS favourite games, which did not include card making.
Conclusion : be a cool mum , simplify your sons's life rather than add to-do stuff in it . You'll have less keepsakes but more of their everlasting gratitude.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 No you werent asking too much doll. That was quite vacant of them. Treat urself to something soon. Happy belated birthday :)
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 November 2011):
 It is just dreadful that they haven't managed to make or even buy a card, and a present, for you - it is just so upsetting, as we are all particularly vulnerable on our birthdays.
But it isn't going to help you to feel like that. For sure they just haven't taken on board how you feel, and they wouldn't have wanted to hurt you, but they have just been thoughtless.
Maybe next time you are with your grandchildren, you could make cards with them? I know it isn't quite supposed to be like that, but that's what I do with my daughter when nobody else does anything with her. We have fun and it is still special, and children don't think it's the wrong way to do it - you can still encourage them to celebrate your birthday and show you their love.
As for your sons ... they are just being young men, and not taking on board your feelings. Sorry : ( - but I don't think they meant anything by it.
And happy birthday! : )
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I don't think you are asking too much either, you might be expecting too much of them though.
I wouldn't HINT at it, I would tell that all you really would love to get is a card :)
My kida are a bit older but they still make their grandpa's birthday/christmas cards. All I provide is the stamps.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I don't think you're asking too much but my guess is that they don't realize how significant receiving these cards are for you. They're men, they have small children, they're probably exhausted and a bit clueless. Spell it out for them, as nicely and firmly as possible.
"My dear sons, my dear dears, it was my birthday today, a special day and I appreciate your birthday text and visits but I did ask for only one birthday present. I expect you don't realize how much I was looking forward to those cards and how treasured these handmade gifts would be for me, so I am reminding you again. Please please don't let me down, this means so much to me. This date will never come again, please do your very best to make my birthday wish come true, thank you."
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I'm guessing that you'll also tell them what to get you for a Christmas present.... and will be disappointed then, as well, when they fail to come through for you....
I never knew that it was a propos for someone to tell others what to do to recognize/celebrate/commorate their special days.... I guess I was mistaken....
Good luck next year....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I think in general men don't give as much importance to details as us women do. Of course your wish wasn't too much to ask in itself, but I daresay if you had two daughters instead, you would've stood a better chance of it being granted! Perhaps your sons didn't realise quite how much the card would've meant to you; I seriously doubt they didn't make the effort because of bad intentions. My dad, for example, feels daunted by the task of simply putting his signature on the bottom of the birthday cards my mum buys. Try not to take it too personally, although I know that's easier said than done... maybe if you see the children at Christmas you could make something similar then :) Good luck, take care - and Happy Birthday for what it's worth x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I think maybe it was overboard and could come across as controlling and demanding to take the fun and surprise out of receiving whatever they get you for your bday over telling your sons to get your grandsons to make you those cards. Insensitive even.
And if you have a tendancy to be so detailed and commanding; maybe thats why sons appeared they were loathed to do what you could have reworded better.
Or even just be thankful you have two sons and grandsons in your life. And be grateful for what you do receive.
Its a choice to be hurt. And attitude and tone sets the attitude and tone, you know kindness begets kindness.
The thing that strikes me as odd, is that both sons appeared with no cards, not even a gift of any sort? You haven't said otherwise so I don't know if that is true.
That in itself speaks volumes.
Focus on sons showed up, wished you a happy bday and I am hoping they dropped off something and gave you kisses and hugs. But if you are not an overly warm, affectionate mother- you may not have even been given that.
Are we maybe focusing too much on victim mode? Or is there more to this post?
Depends on how honest you want to be about your relationship with sons and re-examine
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 No, you didn't ask for too much. But you didn't ask good enough. You asked once. Does your sons normally do everything you ask them to the first time you ask?
And you asked earlier this week. Men forget. Very easily. Of course, Im generalizing here, but this is the trend. Men forget. Men are also typically not in charge of the children, the mothers are. You should have asked the mothers for the card, instead of your sons.
However, despite the pessimism, it could be that since all you got was a text, they might have the card ready, just didn't have time to give it to you today, and will meet you later one time and give it to you. It could be, there's always hope.
If nothing happens over the weekend in terms of the card, call and ask about it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 November 2011):
I don't think you were. But maybe they had their reasons (I really hope they did). You're still their mum, so maybe you should have a word with them and just see how they are.
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