A
female
age
41-50,
*hanib
writes:Am i a terrible person to behave this way when i should be giving support? My partner and i have been having this on off relationship for sometime now, he has moved out. The thing is we have 2 kids, my youngest is 2 and when he was a baby, about 8mts old i discovered that another women had been texting my partner, he hid his phone in his sock draw and when i switched it on he had 2 rather rude messages offering sexual favours, the thing was the night before he had disappeared out for a while. I am not naive and put 2 and 2 together, he of course denyed it saying it was a joke. I however wrote this number down. He didint ever want to discuss it and that was that. Some months later i contacted this number and asked who it was and what the story was.I recieved a reply from a women called kim, she never gave much away but said i should get over him as she had. She also knew of my child and said he was a liar. Recently over the last few months his mum has become ill and has lung cancer, here outlook is bleak. So he is looking after her, however last week my daughter mentioned a Kim, that she had been to her house alot, i felt betrayed and told him what she had told me. I have told him i no longer wish to have a reltionship with him but feel terrible about it as his mum is ill. Surly if i choose to believe him then i must let it go as it isnt fair with all thats going on. I dont want others to think bad of me as they dont know the issues,he is claiming that my daughter is mistaken and he hasnt lied, what should i do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Sadly, at some point everybody's parents will get sick,- or old and frail- and eventually die.
This is no excuse for cheating and manipulating and telling lies.
A)He's going through a rough time because his mom has cancer
B) He has shown he is an unfaithful and unreliable person.
A) and B) are totally unrelated. It 's not that because his mom is sick he has become more sincere and reliable.
Are you sure that, deep down, you are not simply looking for a reason to still cling to him ?
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 He sounds full of crap. A man that has been caught in his lies and is now backed into a corner.
No you are not a bad person for telling him that you no longer want a relationship with him, cheating is a deal breaker for me not to mention the lying, do you have a close relationship with his mother? He is taking care of her? Why would that make you a bad person telling him that you don't want a relationship with him any longer?
Let him take care of his mother and you take care of you and your children. You need to let him know that this is not okay and you (might) walk away from him because of this. I'm sure he wouldn't think the "joke" was funny if it was being played on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): no, i do not think you are a terrible person. you should just discuss the matter with your hus....i mean partner and tell him that you feel bad, then, once you have got him, maybe go visit his mum, that is all i have to offer. im sorry, dont know much about this kind of stuff, anyway, im only 19
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A
female
reader, greengirl +, writes (5 January 2011):
 I think the fair thing to do is put things on hold and let him know that there is the chance you may walk away. Allow him to spend time looking after his mother before you make any decisions. If the time apart brings things to a natural end then you may both leave feeling better. I understand you may want to support him through the thick and thin but ignoring this possible affair is just giving him the green light to do it again, thinking that he can talk his way out of it and you'll believe him and take him back.
Make sure he knows that there is the chance of a breakup and explain why the time apart is needed.
Don't be a doormat.
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