A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I gay?For as long as I can remember (I'm 30) I've fantasized about men. Everyday I end up fantasizing about having sex with men or men having sex with each ohter. I watch homosexual porn, shemale and bi stuff and I always get an errection. I have even had sexula dreams involving men and bought sextoys and simulated anal and oral sex whilst thinking about or watching men. I even joined online dating services and chatted to men and had arousing conversations but never taken it any further and ended up deleating the profile. I have even thought about male escorts, going to a gay massage parlour or going out of town to a gay club but have never followed it through out of fear of being caught or seen. Indeed, I have never had any kind of physical sexual experience with a man and when I see them in the street I dont find them attractive or want to love a man.This is the problem. I do find women attractive when I see them in the street/on tv/porn etc... and have had verious girlfriends and loving hetrosexual relationships. I also watch female porn and find my self aroused by women but at times not as much as men. I also dont find myself fantasizing as much or about women in the same way as I do men and as time goes on I find myself thinking less about women and more about men.This is where the confusion begins - am I a repressed homosexual? I want to get married and have children but this is lurking in the background.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): You're going to have to try it. But the first time may leave you feeling even more uncertain than you are now. You may feel ashamed or nervous to the point of not knowing what you think. You may stop watching gay porn and decide you really want a to be with a woman.But later, you'll see or hear something that will trigger those old desires and you'll be right where you are now.Or, you could try it with a man once and suddenly feel a door has opened and you finally discover who you really are. Either way, you'll never know without trying.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (24 August 2009):
 You never considered the fact that you could be bi?
And yeah I do think bisexuals see the different sexes in different ways. I know my friend prefers sex with other guys but only wants a relationship with a girl. It's perfectly possible.
Don't let it hang over you. When you truly fall in love with someone, it shouldn't matter anymore.
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A
male
reader, Sphronas  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 It seems to be there are two possibilities: Either you are dominantly heterosexual and the homosexual pornography and fantasies arouse you precisely because they are outside of your actual sexual orientation, OR you really are bisexual.
You are definitely right that you should find out which of these is the case BEFORE you start a family, as a bisexual orientation is something you would definitely have to be open about right from the start with a woman.
It seems to me that the only way to find out is to try to have an actual sexual encounter with a man, be it an escort or someone you meet at a gay club. If it is true that, as you say, you have never been attracted to a man in real life, you will probably find out very quickly that your homosexual fantasies are just that -- fantasies. But if not, and you find that you are really attracted to both men and women, that is nothing to be ashamed of. You would be the same person you are now, with all your good and bad points.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (24 August 2009):
I think one of two things could be the case for you.
The first is that yes, you are a repressed homosexual. Or possibly more accurately, as you have previously had and enjoyed relationships with females, bisexual.
The second possibility is that you are straight, but have a sexual fantasy about being with a man. Many people have fantasies that don't mean they are the person in the fantasy - for example, some women fantasise about being paid to have sex but that doesn't make them prostitutes or mean they have any real desire to become one.
Sometimes a fantasy can grow until it begins to take over someones life, which isn't really a healthy situation to be in.
The fact you say you don't find men attractive in the street, but clearly find men attractive within the context of a sexual encounter would tend to suggest to me that the second possibility is the most likely.
However, it is impossible to give an accurate answer from a single post on a site like this, and it could be that you have been brought up to hold negative thoughts about "being gay" that are preventing you from accepting your own sexuality.
It sounds like you could benefit from discussing your thoughts, feelings, fears and concerns with a counsellor in order to explore them fully.
An alternative "DIY" option would be to open yourself up to a little experimentation. I don't mean jump into bed with a man, but maybe arrange a date with one, go along and see how you feel about it. Take small steps and only go as far and as quick as you feel comfortable. From that you may be able to decide on your next move - for example "never again", "actually, I quite liked that" or "ok, I do need counselling to move forward"
Good Luck!
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