A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would really appreciate an objective opinion or two on this one. I really don't know what I should do. I've been with my boyfriend for four years now, and over the last 6-12 months things have been getting a bit mundane. We just talk about bills and housework, then he does his thing, I do mine and then I go to bed. He usually stays up for a while with a drink or two (or several but that's an issue on its own). It doesn't help that he works shifts and at the moment it seems we're just co-habiting rather than being a couple. It also doesn't help that we haven't been physically intimate in the last 6 months, this is me rather than him I never feel like it lately and I think it may be something to do with the main problem below.Several months ago I found a text on his phone (well, I know you just don't "find" them, but he had been reading my messages shamelessly so I went down the childish route of tit for tat.) I found several very explicit messages both from and to a girl I've recently found out he works with. At the time I didn't say anything as I didn't really know how to take that information in. One text from him said that he was leaving me for her. She replied "when?" (He sent this one after a nite out and was off his face).They still crop up from time to time.The next thing was when he'd been watching footie down the pub and I'd been in watching a film with my mate. He came back and actually SHOWED me a couple of photo messages he'd received from another workmate posing in her underwear...as you do!! At this point I hit the roof and confronted him about the texts from the first person and how I didn't appreciate him getting these pics off the second. All he seemed to keep saying was that it was "banter" and a joke and didn't mean anything. He said nothing happened, he was just bored and kidding around.About 3 months ago he came home from a night out early as he was tired and went straight to bed. His phone rang in the bathroom so I answered as there was no caller ID just a number. It hung up. It called again and I answered and I heard pub background but it hung up. The next thing there's a text through saying "you b*stard you have a girlfriend don't ever call me again". It turns out he gave his mobile number to a girl off the net, again, because he was bored and thought it would be fun.Lastly, Sunday I received a myspace message from a girl who said she had been talking to him and he was claiming to be single. But she'd seen my page as in a relationship and a myspace message I'd left him (which he has now deleted) she wanted to check. I let her know about us and she very kindly sent me the messages he'd sent her. Notably saying he'd love to be with her and that I was an old girlfriend (she'd also asked him about me). It was the same "I was bored, it didn't mean anything" explanation. I told him the only reason it's stopping is because she shopped him to me otherwise it'd still be going on. He said he didn't know if it would. I stayed at my mate's house last night. She says whatever I do she'll support me, but I know deep down she thinks I'm an idiot for being such a doormat to all his antics. As does my best friend who I also confided in about all but this incident.I want him to move to his parents for a while as this has all become too much and I think the distance would give us some time to think and maybe try to recapture the whole dating thing and try and put the spark back, or maybe to realise we need to part. I can't move as my parents aren't from here and I don't really have anyone I can crash with for long. He thinks it would be a mistake and he doesn't want to go anywhere. He insists he's sorry, he wants to be with me and that he loves me more than anything. But he also says we have been living like roommates not boyfriend and girlfriend and he hasn't been happy with this. Some questions. Am I a mug for letting it get this far? Does the fact I've been off sex justify him contacting other girls in this way even if he has no intention of doing anything with them? (although the time I did go off it is when I started finding the texts) Is it a good idea that we spend some time apart? What do I do if he refuses to budge? I've asked him "why" time and time again and all I get is he doesn't know he was bored. Is that really what it was??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rymo +, writes (1 August 2007):
Why are you in this relationship!? What’s the point of it?
Let’s just summarise what you said,
- you don’t speak to him
- you barely ever see him
- you don’t have sex with him
- and he’s blatantly cheating
- and he keeps telling you he’s BORED
Why would you stay with this guy!? Man, this relationship is over Hun! Come on, you must know it.
I think this “relationship" has worn you down to exhaustion, now it seems you haven’t the energy to do anything – even to leave him. But you really must because you know things aren’t getting any better don’t you.
xx
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (31 July 2007):
I'll make this quite brief, "WALK AWAY SWEETHEART". If you ever had anything going in your relationship it was because of you. And not too much on his part, as I see it. But then if you want four more years of the same Crap, thats up to you. You are being used no matter how you slice it. RUN!, RUN!, RUN!
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