A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend spends loads of time wih his mate, I'm talking five to eight hours a day. Is it normal we've been on and off as a couple for five years and he asked me back a month ago,He works comes home and goes to his mates house, I'm left at home with our 2 children and I feel like he doesn't wnat to spend time with us. I spoke to him about it but we are conflicting. Is it normal for him to be this way or am I over reacting? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear what you all saying, and maybe you all are right. I have been talking to him about how I feel and I think he knows that if he doesnt shape up now he's out. He spent some time at the weekend on his own thinking about things and he told me today he is going to change and be there for us. Spending less time at his mates. I love him so much and really want to work at our relationship so I will see how it goes if things dont change in the next month I will be taking all your advice. Thankyou so much for making me feel sane again. That i was right to think his behaviour not normal. I feel strong and confident and I know if things dont change I can make it on my own.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Why did you go back to him? Are both kids his? If so, there's something very wrong with him never being home. When ppl. split up off & on it says a lot. It says they aren't compatible but aren't ready to let go completely. You need to tell him you need to split up for good this time. Tell him you're not happy & he is never there for you or the kids and that you want a positive role model for the kids, not a dad who chooses to party with friends instead of being with the family. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Especially when kids are involved, it can feel impossible to be on your own. But you can do it. Make him pay child support.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I agree with eyeswideopen, you have nothing to lose by cutting this relationship. He's got one foot out the door anyhow from the sounds of it. And no, his behavior is not normal. I wouldn't be surprised if he's having an affair.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 If he refuses to stay at home for the majority of the time then what have you got to lose by leaving him? The kids won't care since they never see him anyway and you can then move on and find someone who comes home to the family every day. Maybe when he sees you mean it he'll shape up but I highly doubt it.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (30 July 2007):
 You're not over reacting. He needs to be at home to help you with your children. He should be setting a better example for his children about what a relationship between Mommy and Dadd looks like. He's horribly immature and needs to grow up.
You need to contact a lawyer about child support and make this separation legal. He's always going to choose his mate over you.
You should work on whatever it takes to make yourself confident -- self-confidence is sexy. Then you'll attract the kind of life-partner who you deserve (someone who will be there for you and your kids).
I know this is hard advice; wish I had something easier. But you'll be much better off without this loser.
Good luck.
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