A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So im 14, I HAVE ALWAYS ALWAYS liked boys. I have many pictures of male celebs on my wall and phone. I have always made sure i looked good when a hot boy has walked past. Tried to impress boys make them like me. Started friendships and formed crushes or already had one. I always wanted to have sex with a guy. I havent kissed and boy or a girl but umm even though I said all these things about boys and you know i get nervous when there is a boy around, I think I am a lesbian. I have never had anything against gays but lesbians have kind of always freaked me out. Lately I have had thoughts about girls. Not girls I know. Just I'll start over thinking (i have anxiety) about weather I am a lesbian and then I see myself making out with a girl in my head. I get a little horny to when I started over things about if Im a lesbian. My parents would never approve and I want kids and a husband. So whats wrong with me? I am crying just writing this. I really dont want to be a lesbian. I want to like boys but how do I know when I havent kissed either??? HELP ME PLEASE!!!
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male
reader, peanut_gallery  +, writes (1 May 2013):
Don't beat yourself up about this at such a young age. Live your life and nature will take its course.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 You're not a lesbian. At least not now. Maybe you'll be a lesbian later on in life, or maybe bisexual, or maybe heterosexual. Sexuality changes. But as a teenager, you're just going through a PHASE where all the hormones are driving your body (and mind) crazy. You're at a phase where you're starting to develop a sexuality, and at this phase you're figuring out what you like. Sexually. Not just like-like, but what you're attracted to. Children might like each other. Adults don't like, they feel sexual attraction.
So, right now, your mind and body is testing out different ideas to see what fits best. NOTHING to cry about or worry about. It will all sort itself out. There is a big difference between thinking about something and actually doing it. Even if you imagine you want to kiss a girl, it will feel different once you actually try it. Same for boys. So you really do need to cross that bridge when you get to it, and remember that nothing is decided yet.
And also remember, that no one can force you to do anything you dont want to. Even if you tell yourself you are a lesbian, no one can make you want to have sex with a woman if you don't want to. And it doesn't sound like you want to, so don't try to label yourself and act according to a label. Just do what YOU want to do, no matter what that is. Remember that if you are a lesbian, and enter a relationship with a woman, and marry her, then you will be HAPPY with that. It wont be something to cry over. So if you cry about it and are sad about it, well that just tells me that's not what you want. And therefor probably you aren't a lesbian. You probably aren't bisexual either. Just thinking about something is NOT the same as doing it in real life!!! Tons of straight people have gay fantasies, it is totally normal and doesn't mean they are gay.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
 at 14 it's too early to slap any label on yourself.
having thoughts about boys and girls is normal at your age as is trying to figure out what's going on...
you may be bisexual
you may be bi-curious
both are fine...
at 14 it's normal to not have kissed a boy or a girl...
don't worry about it.... sexuality is not black and white it's fluid and finding women attractive does not make you a lesbian any more than being celibate at 14 makes you a nun.
don't over think this... just kind of let it all unfold... I bet in four years you will look back at this question and laugh....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Honey, you are fourteen. You have hormones aplenty going crazy inside of you, and you're just starting to figure out your sexuality. Don't be so quick and desperate to throw yourself into a box!
You've got a lot of time to date boys and if a girl interests you - to date girls, and to find out what and who you're attracted to. You will end up with the right person, I promise. As long as you end up with someone who makes you happy, then you have ended up with the right person.
And really, sweetheart. Just because you have thought about making out with a girl, that does not make you a lesbian. It makes you curious, sure. But it does not automatically make you a lesbian.
There is a huge continuum of sexuality. Imagine it sort of like a scale from 1 to 10. 1 is ABSOLUTELY 100% STRAIGHT, and 10 is ABSOLUTELY 100% LESBIAN and 5 is directly in the middle bisexual. So maybe you're not a 1. You're probably not a 10. Maybe you're a 2 or a 4. Maybe you're closer to a 6 or a 7.
Don't worry about it so much! There is no need to cry. You've got years and years ahead of you to figure out who makes you happy and who you have chemistry with. Please calm down, relax, and just know that you're a perfectly normal kid who is going to turn out just fine. Good luck, sweet! :)
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