A
female
age
41-50,
*andy69
writes:Is it wrong to want more than companionship?? Hi I'm in a relationship with a guy who I've known 10 yrs. I'm in my late thirties. My relationship has been a Rocky one. He has always been the one running back and I have allowed this. The last 6 mths or so we haven't had much intimacy. I have tried to approach him and he says he's too old for that now. He's only 44. He also says he can't be bothered with all that anymore and that as we've known each other so long that he really only wants companionship. I also want that but can't imagine living happily without the other. He doesn't seem bothered about what I want and isn't interested in discussing it. It does however watch the odd porno as I checked his history on his computer and saw he's been watching it a couple of times a week. I've tried suggesting he has a sexual problem but he dismisses it completely. It's getting to the point where we now argue and fall out with each other and live more like room mates. We feel out recently and when he tried to make up with me he just tried to hug me and said " old mates" this upset me even more. Do you think he really does just see me as a old friend whom he has kids with and is formilar with and it's easy to just stay in this humdrum.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Guys his age can run low on sex drive -- it does happen to men in their 40's.
I suspect your sex life could use a reset - especially if he is resorting to using pornography to get by. Perhaps there is something you are doing (or not doing) that is turning him off. Is he stressed? Does he seem happy? Are you children interfering with intimacy? Do you have time for proper courtship?
The fact that he dismisses your needs, however, is in indictment on your relationship and him. What he is basically saying is that your needs are secondary to his wishes. In the matter of sexual satisfaction, that can sink many relationships as it leaves the victim in an untenable situation: either live without or seek satisfaction elsewhere. Everyone wants to be sexually desired and the fact that he has pushed you aside hurts.
You may want to read Dr Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" They may offer some insight into what is going on and give you the practical tools to solve your problem.
In addition, you may want to try and seduce him: set up a romantic date night. Use your feminine charms to put him in the mood -- just like you used to when you were dating. Too often, we forget that there is an element of romance that must be maintained in long term relations. While most men don't need this provocation, it appears yours does.
Finally, you may have to make a decision as to whether you want to remain with your man. There's pros and cons to all relationships and this is one that may be a deal breaker. That choice is yours to make (and yours only). I hope you take some action on your own behalf in trying to make him interested in sexual relations with you again before giving up. It won't change overnight, but hopefully you invest some energy towards fixing it before giving up.
Eddie
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Hi
Yup your like the proverbial old pair of slippers, just part of the furniture. 44 is not too old for sex, that's a pathetic excuse.
If he wants companionship he should have his own place and a few cats.
Just don't allow this to continue if you want a full relationship that meets your needs, either he shapes up or ships out - so you can go find a man who appreciates you.
Be strong and firm.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2013):
 I would seriously tell him, if we aren't going to be more then platonic room-mates I think we are over.
And yes, I think it's part the familiarity and part because you allow it. (not that it is YOUR fault, but I think somewhere deep down you are also staying with him because you two share children and history). Part from not having sex, it's "comfortable".
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
 He's 44 and using that as an excuse to not have sex?
you've wasted ten years of your life with this guy?
yep it's just easier to stay in humdrum and comfortable than go it alone.
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