A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright, how do I word this? Lets see.. I have a friends with benefits, but my friends say he's a "booty call".We don't talk for a couple of days, or even a week, and then i'll text him and we either hook up that day or the next and then go back to not talking again. One question is, and this I guess only a guy can answer this but.. why am I always the one to text him? Does he not really like sex with me? I mean he seems to like it because we keep hooking up, but I always have to make the move, what's that about?Also, would you consider him my "booty call" or just my friend with benefits?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 No, a woman can answer too, it's a rather simple, common situation.
He does not call you and let you do the calling- because you are more into him than viceversa and your hook ups are more important to you than to him.
He likes having sex with you ( otherwise he'd turn you down ) but not to the point of making any effort to come and seek you. He does not need to- he is sure that sooner or later you'll pop up. Because you care more than he does.
It's not like , by being attentive or cold, he risks losing something important. It's just casual sex. Easily replaceable.
As for him being booty call or FWB, I suppose they are just slightly different variations on the same spectrum, the substance does not change. But if we want to be very precise, technically yours is a booty call, FWBs
in general stay at least occasionally in touch between a hook up and the next.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 For you to be a booty call, he would have to be calling you, for booty. And if he was your booty call, then you wouldn't be here complaining about. You don't care about booty, that is the point.This sounds more like a case "he is really not that into you".
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 He lets you make the first move, because he knows what he is doing is wrong and if you give in first, he's off the hook.So what's more important to you, sex or integrity?I say change your aphrodisiac to personal power rather than sex.Then when you meet a guy you like, (you don't really like this one) you'll send off the vibe that says I'm not playing hard to get, I'm just very into protecting my integrity.The right guy will recognize this and his own strong self worth will create a great relationship, not one full of questions and insecurities.In other words, "Don't slam the door on your way out"
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Hmm... I'm kinda the same as your FWB. I never instigate. It's not that the sex isn't great... I'm not entirely sure why I don't instigate. If I had to get all psycho-analytical on myself I think either its an ego boost for me or maybe its because the dynamics of the relationship are predictable. As in I know that she'll over-think the lack of contact and call me long before I'll feel the need to do the same. It's sex and its generally much easier for us guys to separate emotions from sex. It may take a while longer than you'd like, but don't contact him AT ALL until he contacts you, (which he will if he thinks there's a chance of losing you as a booty call). Problem with that though is that you're already stuck in a trend that you're not going to be able to buck in my opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Its a one way thing because he may feel if he texts you, you may think there is some actual romantic interest. So, he just lets you text him whenever youre in the mood. With these types of whatever you call'em relationships you must and absolutely must expect some vacant or non emotional aspects.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 April 2011):
Hi there. "Booty Call" and "Friends With Benefits" are the same thing.
It's a friendship based only on sex and very little else. It basically has no substance to it at all.
Why don't you just try NOT texting him for a change. Even if it's a week or 2. Just don't do it.
If he then wants to have sex with you, he will contact you I'm sure.
But the really important thing here is, do you really want a guy who you only see when he wants sex? Surely you deserve better than that. You have to believe that you deserve better.
If he was a genuine type, he would call around to your place to take you somewhere nice and actually spend money on you. He would want to just BE with you. He would speak to you with genuine interest and treat you with respect and dignity.
What I am saying, is that the relationship between you would be much more than just casual sex every so often. Do you believe that?
Wouldn't you like for a nice young man to call you on the phone to talk to you because he likes you and is interested in you and your life, and then ask you out to the movies, a show, dinner, a picnic?
When a man is sincere, he will spend money on you and occasionally buy you a small gift or flowers or chocolates. There are so many ways that a woman knows a man really cares.
This young man you are mixed up with, doesn't seem to display any of those qualities. I'm sure it's a big disappointment to you.
Maybe though, he occasionally says something nice to you, but that's just to keep you saying "Yes" to him - that's about all. He probably just says what he thinks you want to hear.
Take care and best wishes.
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