A
female
age
22-25,
*ranny1297
writes:Me and my friend were good friends. But im a positive person most of the time, im quite shy and my self esteem is quite low, but I try.Well my friend is quite and only we used to hang out and no one else. She always used to badmouth people behind their backs and be so rude; it was just horrible. What's even worse is that I joined in and thought nothing of it like it was a big joke, so I tried to stop. We used to draw horrible pictures of certain people and joke about them and be rude to them, and her and and x-friend were sort of fighting but my friend kept putting pictures and making fun of her on Facebook and twitter (I eventually was starting to get fed up of this. Then all of a sudden she slowly day by day kept trying to put me down, by saying your hair is so thin when hers is thinner, your so dumb (without a doubt she is smarter than me but im quite smart to). Saying this may seem small but once you hear it everyday, it burns your self esteem to nothing.She still sort of spoke to me, but was ignoring me at the same time. Then she would just blank me and walk really fast away from me and not even say bye to me after school, which was a bit weird. Next day I came into school and said hi to her but she just looked at me with this one look. I asked her if everything was ok, and she just said "yes" in the rudest way I've heard anyone say (really weird and scared me a little). She was just ignoring me so I decided to not talk to her for a bit, just to let her cool off. Later I tried to joke with her a little with her like we used to talk, but she just gave me I-don't-give-a-shit look. So I left her again (she's kinda Goth/emo).Later a break, I didn't hang out with her but hung out with my x-friends (people that we used to talk shit about, again I still felt bad. I said to them "I don't know what's up with her, I don't know why she's ignoring me, she can talk to me, i'll help her if she's having problems at home or anything". So some of my x-friends went over to her and asked her why she was ignoring me. And she said she wasn't ignoring me, so I was a bit confused about that. She literally ignored me the whole day. Then someone said that she was not talking to me because she was thinking . . . I mean . . who does that, ignoring a friend and be rude to them because they were thinking?!To end all the conflict between everyone I told all our x-friends that we were badmouthing them, and some of the things that we said. It was really hard to admit but im happy I told the truth. Even though I didn't have that much to do with most of the conflict. My 'friend' got really annoyed with me and said I was a backstabber and a liar (I could never severely backstab anyone).Next in the lesson, my x-friend told me that im a bitch like my friend and that I deserve to suffer and have no friends, I knew she was right and that I had been a bad person, I couldn't help but crying. My x-friend hugged me and said that she didn't mean it and that she was sorry she said that. I just started crying because of what she said and the fact that this whole friendship was turning upside-down (I could have ended up with no friends). She told me that she never trusted my friend and that she was a bitch, I agreed with her. I started hanging around with my x-friends instead and found that I've become a better person even if it's only been two days.My best friend started saying stuff on Facebook status like:I have never been interested in high school musical, or dancing or any of the typical girl things.I have always been the quiet one, never having a distinct friendship, just always with my books. That's how it was, how it is, and how it shall stay.and:when you slowly start hating someone your friends with.and:Just got my library card reactivated and spent almost an hour choosing some books. Pssh who needs friends when you have amazing characters that won't backstab you?and she messaged me:Do not talk to me in school, do not message me, do not partner up with me, do not spread lies about me and if you so much as look at me. We are done, okay. Friends do not talk about eachother behind their backs.I feel like she's trying to get everyone to gang up on me, Please help me. Am I a backstabber. I don't want to be her friend anymore but how can I stop this all. I know you probably think this is a silly teenage thing.
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a break, best friend, facebook, goth, liar, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (1 July 2013):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone :D
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (30 June 2013):
 I understand that her pain could be coming from a real place, like the home, but she is not going to interpret 'assistance' from you well right now. She won't even consider it assistance, I'm pretty sure it will be considered salt in the wound, like oh first you leave me then you tell me I need psych help/counseling?
If you're really committed to this idea, I would let at least a month go by before reaching out to her. She's told you she wants to cut contact with you, so respect her by respecting that wish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): I see her point. You fell out for a day and because u couldnt stand being ignored for a day you ran to the people you had been insulting without warning her that you were going to tell them everything. So i do think it was a betrayal of some sort. Though i am glad that they forgave you
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A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (30 June 2013):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, just one more thing, Your right about her extreme insecurities, and it hurts in general to see people like her, insecure. Even though I'm probably her worst enemy and the last person she wants to see, should I help her, get help for her, how? or should I just leave her be with her emotional problems.
ps. I go through emotional abuse at home, but with counselling, and gaining knowledge on how to be a positive person and overcome this, I become a better person than I used to be before. She has told me once that her mum drinks and calls her names, but she used to laugh about this and be like "whatever", but I know deep down that she is feeling insecure and I think misunderstood. I know she'll be a real bitch though. Should I leave her be?
am I looking to much into this?
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A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (30 June 2013):
franny1297 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, it all makes sense, Thanks again xx
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (30 June 2013):
Ok look. She feels like her trust has been violated, which is some form of backstabbing but she has emotional problems. I mean maybe she's booksmart but she's super insecure and unable to get past her own insecurities where she projects them--now everyone ELSE has a problem. when she figures out that she doesn't get along with anyone or puts down everyone she comes into contact with, sooner or later she'll figure out that it's just statistically impossible for all of them to be the problems and that the problem is really her. She hasn't realized that yet. She feels justified in misdirected/undirected anger, it's how she tries to feel okay. You didn't feel comfortable with that, and you stood up against that. You might get flak from her for a while but if you stay strong and rely on the friends that are there for you, she will likely find more people to hate and bully. I know it is painful that she is calling you out right now, but my suspicions are that as you became closer with your old friends, she could have pulled the same dirt out on you and really ruined things. At least your friends have heard it straight from the horses mouth, and you've vowed to reform. I would de-friend her on facebook because all those statuses really add up to make you not grow from this experience, and instead you may relive some trauma or just feel emotionally 'stuck' as you hear about what a victim she is, what a terrible friend you are etc. Let her rant to an audience that doesn't include you and look like a crazy person on her soapbox. you don't need that in your life and it just continues to give her a lot of power over your life and emotional wellbeing to be hooked into that scene. And keep us updated, we'll be here!
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