A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Lots of questions from women worried that they don't meet mens beauty standards and the usual answers say something along the lines of men are forgiving of flaws, women are their own worst enemies etcBut when one looks at the images men consume of women ( and let's face it they do ' consume ' them as in porn) the women are nearly always young and physically perfect It seems hypocritical to blame the women worried and tell them that what they see is not real when it's all around us and obvious.Why do the porn mags and sites predominately use these type of women?Aren't real looking women with cellulite and body flaws sexy enough for men and why do men then think its ok to totally deny this when women notice their body type is grossly underrepresented in the material men seek to masterbate ? Of course you can find anything in fetish but the point is diversity a the avetagr womans body is UNDERREEPRESENTED whilst men's bodies seem mainly all like what you see in the street
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female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (17 May 2015):
Dear OP,
I am under the impression that you are masking an accusation towards men as a question, which is a passive-aggressive thing to do.
You have been given good answers to your question, but I am not sure they are answering the deeper question that is hidden underneath.
So, I would encourage you to share your personal worries, your own personal question with us, maybe we can help.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 May 2015):
 Porn is a business. It makes money selling fake. Fake sex, fake enjoyment, fake bodies, fake sets.. fake (well, everything). If you had a shop that baked cakes, would you put your "average" cake on display in the window to draw people in OR would you put something more noticeable? I worked in a bakery and I tell you when we had the strawberry Tarts in the window they got sold in 5 minutes flat, it is GOOD strategy to put something nice to ATTRACT the customers. PORN is a business. The pictures of airbrushed and professionally make up'd girls SELLS because it GIVES men hopes that they TOO can catch a girl like that... at least for the XX amount of minutes the porn lasts.
I don't think there is a standard body in the porn industry to be honest.
If you EVER saw the website with porn "stars" with/without makeup you would be surprised. The standard USED to be fake tan, fake breasts, fake smile, fake hair. Now it is a LOT more diversified, there is a niche for EVERY kink out there. Big women, petite, motherly ones.. you name it, you can find it.
I don't get why women BOTHER to compare themselves to these women. Or super-models. only 2% of the population are actually in the group that have the measurements the modelling industry (used to, not as much any more) looks for. 2%. That mean 98% DO NOT look that way, so WHY compare yourself to the 2% when you are in the 98%? That is silly!
WHY be so hard on yourself? If you met a guy and he rather "choke the chicken" to porn then be intimate with you... WALK away, don't stay and think it' YOUR fault, it's not.
Like Cindy says, I'm NOT within that "standard" either, NEVER was. But I have never met any guys who would have turned me down because I didn't fulfill some "porn standard". EVER. My husband digs redheads, I did washboard abs.. guess what? NEITHER of us have that and we are still together 19 years later...
YOU are the on comparing yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2015):
 You say that men don't want to see real women's bodies ? - That's a surprising conclusion, where did you draw it from ?
I think they do instead. At least they always wanted to see mine, which was not a body to specially write home about. In fact, the annoying thing is that they'd want to see my body much more than they wanted to see, say, my oil paintings, or the good grades on my report cards.
This site is chockfull of regular women ( at least so they describe themselves ) and men want/ wanted to see their bodies. Considering that all of them have , or have had , husbands ( one of us had four husbands !) and boyfriends and lovers etc.etc.which whom they have had sex and made kids with. We've got tall and Scandinavian Aunts, or petite and Asian Aunts , or Mediterranean, or Wasp, or AfroAmerican Aunts etc. - well, of course some will be better looking than others I guess, but all in all I get the feeling that they were / are normal women and none managed to fly under the radar of males' sexual gaze . If any, the problem generally is the opposite, that very often a woman will be the object of unwanted lusty stares from men who'd LOVE to see her average body with nothing on, also when she does nothing to attract these stares and is not in the mood for anything sexual.
I never asked the Uncles because it was not my place to ask, but seeing that most of them are married or anyway paired up- I presume they will WANT to see the regular bodies of their regular partners.
I think this is a case of seeing the glass as half full or half empty, i.e. largely a matter of personal perception i.e. a matter of what you have out in your mind which shapes the way you see reality ,by making you practice selective attention : you will only remembers the, say, 3 out of 100 guys in your experience who only want to see pornstar's bodies, and totally dismiss the 97 guys who have been doing sheep eyes at your imperfect a** clearly thinking within themselves : If only I could have a piece of that ...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): "Why do the porn mags and sites predominately use these type of women?"
Because porn is a business and those type of women are predominately what the paying clientele wants to see.
Porn sites employ young beautiful women to play to the ego and vanity of their male customers who want to believe that they are still handsome and virile enough to be attractive to young beautiful women, and the only way for most men to indulge that fantasy is to pay for the illusion.
". . . why [do] men seem to not want to see real women's bodies and is it because they consider the average female body not good enough"
It's not that men don't consider the average female body good enough, it's that the average man doesn't consider his own body good enough. The fantasy that porn sites are selling to men isn't having sex with young beautiful women, it's being considered studly enough to be able to have sex with young beautiful women.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 May 2015):
 At times real women are exactly what men are running away from or trying to escape from.
Men often feel that the only way to keep the peace is to just do exactly what their lady wants. I think it is sad if things become that way.
It is healthy to disagree with each other sometimes. I think I am rather lucky that my guy actually dislikes porn. However he also is scathing about romance novels, but is not threatened by them, fortunately. If he was then my best friend and my guy might have to disagree. Instead he sees them as escapism, which both porn and romance novels are - Fantasy and Escapism.
And what sells is what is produced or published.
If the public want a particular type then the porn industry will use that type of leading lady.
If the romance reading public want a particular type of Hero then that is what will be published.
Thus the analogy I can bring to this is that the Romantic stories crafted for the Mills and Boon novels invariably have a Man at the centre of the action who is is the archetype of an Alpha Male Hero type. He is a take charge, well built, tall, good looking man with a deep masculine voice, and invariably rich and powerful, in his own domain. He is sometimes hard to fathom and sometimes seem unattainable until he rides his black stallion at full speed to claim the heroine.
The average man could not possibly meet this very demanding standard. The reader knows this. But still enjoys the romance novel for what it is. A little escapism.
The average woman also knows that the man she loves is unlikely to ever pilot his own lear jet, keep a fully staffed 50 million dollar yacht in the Mediterranean, just in case. Plus a Villa in Mustique, fully staffed of course. And a country house in Connecticut and another one in country Suffolk England plus a penthouse in New York.
The reader knows it is pure fantasy.
Fortunately the (example) reader knows that her man, who's hair is just starting to turn grey at the sides and who wakes up like a bear with a sore head if disturbed before 8am on a Sunday and really likes watching sport too much, according to his lady, understands that his lady gets a little bit of enjoyment out of reading romance novels.
But the said (example) partner of the reader is not in any way threatened by the male lead in the romance novels.
PS: This is not a criticism of Romance Novels. They have a place in the world. And do sell very very well.
I used to enjoy reading them but I enjoy painting and embroidery and gardening a lot more now.
However as one of my friends is a published author of same and she very kindly drops one off to me occasionally. I see no harm in some escapism for either sex.
The only issue is where the escapism comes to dominate too much time to the exclusion of real life and real people.
Thus I agree with the male reader who correctly stated that the Porn industry is a business.
And I certainly DO understand that your question did NOT in any way imply that that you were interested in the business as a career. Your question said NOTHING of that nature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): Op here and thanks for the answers , particularly the male anon
who confirmed that my thinking is correct and the reason im not seeing women like myself ( or any other women I know) is because men only want to see young porn star types and average wives and mothers of
Their children are indeed not sexy enough for them.
. As he state it is the young porn star who is prized by men .
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (17 May 2015):
This question is just like asking why men with pot bellies don't get given many leading man roles in Hollywood. As Abella has already said, it's fantasy, and whether you like it or not it's human nature to appreciate physical beauty. You must admit you'd rather see Henry Cavill save the planet in a Lycra suit over Jonah Hill (sorry Jonah - just an example! :)
As much as I'm sure that they are both equally nice guys, if I got to pick who was going to save me and fly off into the night, it would be Henry. That doesn't mean I compare all of the guys I meet to him, or that I find real guys any less attractive because they don't look exactly like him. It also doesn't mean I want him in real life either, because I know what I see on screen isn't real.
I have to disagree with your idea that porn makes an entire gender feel unworthy. I don't feel that way - I understand that there are lots of more attractive women out there and that the man I'm with will notice that. However, I also believe I'm a catch and that I have a lot more to offer than a plastic woman behind a computer screen.
The fact that my partner may wish to look at one of these women to quickly relieve his sexual frustrations is nowhere near enough to destroy my self esteem because I don't believe it reflects on his feelings for me at all. Just like my occasional dream of Superman saving me and whisking me off doesn't reflect on my feelings for him either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): Porn industry is a business and not some social engineering club so that people will be proportionally represented with precise quantities of races, colors, cellulite or whatever so that someone, antagonized by porn, would have a beef about their "social" role. Porn is a fantasy film created to attract maximum number of eyeballs and if those women you describe are what attracts those eyeballs then those women will be picked. Porn makers don't care about reality but about what sells most to men. The fact that men like those kinds of women is something that cannot be legislated or forced on them. Men like young, fit, slim and soft women for sex and the fact that there aren't that many in reality means that such women become even more prized by men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): The last poster totally misunderstands my question
The question is not whether should want to do porn. The question is rather why men seem to not want to see real women's bodies and is it because they consider the average female body not good enough
It's interesting how many men find it so difficult to Understand why some women wonder why they so rarely see any women who look remotely like them or any woman they know in porn?
men always seem to find that question so hard to answer for some reason
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): So basically the average wife of mother of his children will never fulfill his fantasy from what you're saying
If that's true , and men dream of dating a porn star but know the likelihood of that happening is next to nil, the. Why don't women commit mass suicide ve aide effectively we are nothing more than second rate pieces of meat to have sex with whilst dreaming of these women they can't have
Women as far as I know have at least as many stresses as men. The old novels are the same is rubbish because the fiction I dustry doesnt thrive on making an entire gender not good enough by flashing ideal pictires on more than half the Internet
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 May 2015):
Guys love a bit of fantasy and 'what if' and some escapism thrown in.
Their hair may be starting to thin on top. They may not be as fit as they were at 18-19. Their studies may need more attention, their room may look like a pigs-sty.
Their Mom or their wife may want some yard work done.
Their body may be showing signs of stress from their love of junk food. Life may not seem as fun, sometimes.
But they can escape.
Because it is escapism they are trying to escape from something.
Maybe from responsibility?
Maybe because they are frustrated and do not like their job.
Maybe because they feel what is ahead of them is a big struggle.
Maybe school or work is tough for them.
Maybe it is a lack of maturity and they don't know how to fix that problem.
It could even be grieving for something they think they lost. Maybe their youth?
Do they dream of the girl with crooked teeth, bad skin and a voice like a fog-horn? do they fantasize about the girl who never washes her hair and has body odor? Or the girl with the muffin top that is spilling over the top of her jeans? Or the girl who eats in a sloppy way and has bad breath?
No they do not.
They want to escape.
They have an idealized view of perfection that is artificial, but meets their fantasy brief. Because the women they want to fantasize about are created - with new teeth and breasts that cost a fortune. With daily beauty treatments, regular waxing, regular long hair salon visits. They women are primped and forced to present an idealized picture of what men think is the zenith in a sexy woman.
Of course it is fantasy. The porn star never says, 'three hours is more than enough, to put away all those DVDs and go outside for some sunshine.
As the Porn star is just there for the sex she is not going to try to stop him from indulging himself. In fact she will probably encourage him to become more escapist and seek out new DVDs with enticing trailers for her next film.
So call it escapism, fantasy and a way to recall youth some guys may wish they did have, but never did have.
Perhaps they wisely think there is no possibility that they could ever actually date a super famous porn star, but they can always dream.
For a short while they can forget the mundane ordinary life and imagine they are there with Ms Porn Star (which ever one they really wish they could be with, in person.
They can forget work, responsibilities, debts and slip into fantasy land.
We all love a little escapism, in different ways.
Some people love leafing through travel brochures.
Others like reading about celebrities.
I call it fantasy when I leaf through a fancy decorating magazine. Though I occasionally see an idea that I could replicate, albeit on a less grand scale.
Porn does become a problem when he cannot find the time to do anything else but watch porn.
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