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age
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writes: A friend of mine is the total opposite of me. He is 6'2 with blond hair and has stunning looks and he works out. I'm 5'8, work out and play sports, but don't look stunning like he does. I've been told I am handsome by older family and that is it. I have only had one girlfriend (ex now) and am still a virgin at 19. Even my ex told me he was more handsome than I am, which made me jealous. The relationship deteriorated shortly after. He is 22 and has slept with tens of girls who have all been stunning. I've had one relationship, no hookups ever. He is somewhat a jerk, but I think he deserves to be. What can I do to even the score a bit? Every time we hang out, I feel like I'm a wuss in comparison to this guy. We're both studying medicine so job success isn't an advantage. We actually hang around often at parties, and most girls just walk up and give him their number. I am sitting there with him and feel like I got the short end of the stick. Since I started having this problem, we've been hanging out less because I despise the attention he gets, while he still wants to hang out with me to play sports etc. I'm starting to consider living life assuming I'll never have another girl in my life since they would go for him instead. I'd only get girls he has already had (which makes me uncomfortable), or girls that are much less of a catch than I am.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 I guarantee you, this will be a funny memory. And you're not later than other teenagers, they all tend to go through this at this age. They just make sure to keep it a secret so no one knows how awkward they truly feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice everyone. I will slowly start to talk to girls and try to get out of my shell. I still have many confidence and body issues to work out, but hopefully my time to shine will come and this is some teen drama hitting me later than others. It might take a while for me to get courage to ask, but I will definitely make sure to start flirting (if I know how to), at a beginner level.
As for my friend, I'll try and steer clear of him whenever girls are around. Hopefully in a few years, i'll be in a relationship, and this'll be just a funny memory. Thank you all again!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 Good,OP. This thread is very long and I admit I have just skimmed it, it seems that you have several issues with dating / approaching girls, but at least on ONE count you can rest easy : even belonging to a conservative community, you won't be forced / pressured / persuaded to be a young dad. You can date whomever you want, and you can choose among the thousands and thousands of girls who do NOT want to become a parent too early, and you can enjoy with them many years of carefree sex ( although, I will repeat, becoming a parent does not mean that suddently your sex life is over ! )
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 November 2012):
You've tried and failed with 4 girls. I've tried and failed numerous times before I got the hang of it. I don't keep count, I have no idea how many times I've been rejected. I'll still get rejections, mind you. But my scoring rate now can easily be 100% if I only go for the ones I easily can spot are interested in me (it shows from a distance). But my boyfriend didn't give me ANY signs he was interested in me, he was a tricky case, and I never would have gotten him if I just went for the "safe" option of men who were visibly drooling over me. Just before I started flirting with my boyfriend I did get an offer from a man who wanted me to move in with him after just one date. It would have been very easy to just say yes and be in a relationship with that man, but easy doesn't equal great boyfriend material. And, I will remind you, I did flirt with my now boyfriend for several years, with no success, and several times he's rejected my advances (although not rejected me as a person, there is a difference, and it tends to mean you have to go slow). My point is, it is a challenge to get the one you want. There is no challenge in getting the ones who already have their eyes on you, but even though it is easier to go with someone who already wants you (like your ex) doesn't mean that's the one YOU want to be with. You need to figure out who YOU want, and then go for it. And yes, up to the point of asking her out. But, you can ask someone out in many different ways. You first warm up to them, befriend them (although don't use years to befriend them, like my boyfriend did, because by that time everyone will think you're gay since you haven't made a move yet). Just meet them 2-3 times casually, strike up a conversation, get to know their interests, maybe you have a class together on an interesting topic, and then you invite them out to do something which is relevant to what you've talked about (avoid the dinner+movie setting). Such as, a guest lecturer for your studies, or a presentation that could be interesting, or a debate, or maybe even an art gallery if that's what she's interested in, or to a band that is playing that you think she might like, or just to go grab a coffee at the nearest Starbucks before the next class. Offer to pay. When you pay, it becomes a date. Even if she wont let you, you've still made it clear that you are courting her. It could be as little as paying her bus ticket, voila, the bus ride has suddenly become a date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl, I have tried and failed with about 4 girls in my life. Do I have to go all the way and ask them out? Because my college isn't the largest and they we would see each other often. How should I just flirt and get the flirting practice? Does it have to be actually asking them out or is flirting good enough for pushing me out of my comfort zone? I hope I'm as blind as your boyfriend and there are decent girls waiting. As for being a great flirter in 2 years, that sounds really optimistic. CindyCares, I come from a Central Asian/Middle Eastern culture that is somewhat strict on dating, but my parents are slightly more liberal. They would have no issue with me dating out of my race/community. As for marriage, my parents have told me that I should marry a girl once I have a steady home, car etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): Hi OP, It's a curious comment that you make that 'girls want the best that they can have.' In the context of men/ women- what exactly do you mean by this?I made the point that you seem to have assigned some kind of score chart to the world whereby peple are 'better' or 'worse' than one another. You can't directly compare people like this. Its way beyond comparing apples and pears- people are a million times more complicated and different from each other in a zillion glorious ways. If you keep assuming the existance of the 'prettiest girl' or the 'hottest man' then you fall into the trap that, frankly, you're never going to be at the top of that chart. Same as you will never meet the 'prettiest girl'. There will always be someone 'better' or 'cooler' if you try to compare isolated external characteristics.You need to stop comparing your girlfriends to your friends' and to stop comparing yourself to him. Get to know a girl you like for yourself without standing next to him and focus on her alone. Then just enjoy being yourself and enjoying being with her.Happiness is about forming meaningful relationships, not about chasing an endless string of girls. Once you fall in love, that person becomes 'your one' without any need to make crude comparisons. You just know.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 November 2012):
OP,... where do you live ? Mind you, I say that out not ironically or confrontationally, just out of genuine curiosity. I am tryng to understand if you actually live in an environment where most girls get married and have kids early, or if this is just a dysfunctional thought of yours, a gross misperception fueled by your anxiety.
Because, for instance, in Europe the average age when women give birth the first time is around 29 . In my country is 31.So, you see, there is a whole continent of women who, in average, do not want kids early.
I know that in USA ( eh, more money :)!) things go a bit faster, but not that much faster, as far as I know. Because in USA too there are quite a few millions ladies who would not dream of / could not afford having a baby in their early or mid 20s. They've got to finish college first, then specialize or do some training, then they need / want to get settled, financially and psichologically, in their chosen field of work before they can try and get pregnant, .. and many of them , just like you, want to enjoy a few years of freedom, be able to travel etc. before starting a family.
So,I am tryng to figure out where did you get the idea that all these 22 or 23 y.o.girls will ,ahem, put out for you a handful of times before turning you, or tryng to turn you , in a babymaking device. If you are a frequent reader of Dear Cupid it may sound so, at times, lol, .. but objective observation of real life will tell you it ain't so. Unless, of course, you belong to some very specific ethnic/ religious / social community where people are strongly pressured to reproduce early.
But in this case too, you could date women from a different community, couldn't you ?
Anyway, having children is not necessarily the end of a fulfilling, adventurous sex life . I wish it were so !, - we could solve the problem of world overpopulation. People would figure out " oops, children= no more sex, no more fun in the bedroom " and they'd get so scared that they'd reproduce much less and we should not worry about our planet's dwindling resources in front of a constant , fast increase of population :).
But, it is not so, people with kids all over the world still manages to practice and enjoy sex , with some minimal, susteinable adjustments .
I think you a scaring yourself projecting in your mind a film who yourself have scripted and directed, but ,like most films, has very little to do with real life....
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reader, chigirl +, writes (20 November 2012):
"by the time we get together, all thoughts of a fulfilling sex life and adventure with her would be gon e since she would want kids soon."
Don't worry, most women I know of don't want children with a man they barely know, so you'll get to have at least a few years with no children as long as you remember to wear a condom (as it does take some years to get to know one another, both sexually and otherwise). Also, who said having children means you can't have adventures in the bedroom...
Don't worry about it! You're thinking WAY too far ahead. What if this, what if that. My bets are, within a year you'll have a girlfriend and are having sex, and all of this worrying would be for nothing.
" For my ex, I just got lucky and said the right things at the right time, Luckiest I have ever been. "
No such thing as "luck" when it comes to this. Something about you attracted her, she wasn't hit on the head by a pixie. Sure, she made it easy for you to get with her because she was crazy enough about you to do all the work. Same with me and my boyfriend, all he had to do was say yes, because I laid it out on a plate for him. But girls REALLY need to like a guy for them to do this, and even if they are crazy about him it takes a very courageous girl to do it. They don't come along often, trust me. None of my friends are as blunt and honest as me when it comes to admitting to a guy that you like him. Girls are scared of being rejected too, and to top it off they were raised to let the men do all the chasing.
This means, unless you start risking more, and going out of your comfort zone, you wont be getting another girlfriend until you meet another extremely courageous and modern girl who is absolutely crazy about you.
My boyfriend has women waiting in line for him. Really. He's got MEN waitin in line for him, one of my previous boyfriends admitted he would go gay for him. Women and men alike always comments on his facebook pictures that he's so amazing. Yet he was dead sure no one wanted him. He saw the compliments as nothing but friendly, he believed in the "friendzone", like so many other guys. Trust me on this one, there is no friendzone. When a girl likes a guy she likes him, no matter if they've been friends or not. But my boyfriend never flirted with any of his female friends (or fangirls), because he thought they'd reject him and think he's weird and be freaked out. He once fell in love with a girl who already was in a relationship, and since he couldn't have her he got this idea, like you, that he couldn't have ANY girl. Well, duh, of course he couldn't have that particular one, but if he would open his eyes he'd see the 50 other girls who were just waiting around for him.
I've never had to chase down a guy so hard as I had to with him. He was completely blind to it, even when I directly asked him if I had a shot with him. I had to literally ask him to be my boyfriend, before he took the "hint".
So, what I'm saying is that guys are poor at taking hints, unless they've tried ad failed and learned how to see it. My boyfriend never tried and failed, his only attempt at a girl was with that girl who was taken, and it wasn't even a real attempt as he knew he couldn't have her. While she was single he did NOTHING at all, he just sat around and admired her from a distance. I'm sure he could have been with her if he would have just made a few moves. I'm glad he didn't, haha, because now I got him. But still, it proves a point. I first met my boyfriend when we were 16, and liked him from the start, but my inexperience with flirting, and lack of courage (I was just a teen after all, like all the girls in your age group), made it difficult to show him how I felt. I gave him a Valentines Card, but was too embarrassed to ask him out. He didn't take the hint (obviously). I tried to tell him later when I was 20, I had a bit more courage. But I was still too embarrassed to just blurt it out, and he hadn't given me any signs that he was interested in me (no flirting).
So yes, it does come down to waiting. But the more you flirt, the more you push your comfort zone, the more you try and fail, the sooner it will happen. Had my boyfriend made a move we'd have been a couple back when we were 16 (in retrospect I think that's a good thing, as teenage relationships rarely last).
So, you can start trying and failing now, or you can sit and do nothing and hope a girl lands on your head like your ex. Doesn't happen often though. And then, once you're tired of waiting around and start trying and failing again, you'll be at the stage of a teenager, whereas if you just try and fail now, at this age, you'll be a smooth talker and great flirter by the age of 21, and can get any girl you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKc_100, I promise I don't go looking for the "typical cheerleader" girl. My ex, nor any other girl I have been interested in was like that. Honestly, they intimidate me because I know they are more experienced than I am. So no worries there. When I talk to girls I am attracted to, I come off as awkward and nervous. I can make the occasional joke and get them to laugh, but nothing more. Chigirl,thank you for showing me that 19 is young. I just have the fear that by the time I get a girlfriend, the chance for us to enjoy life being as simple youth (20's), would be gone and by the time we get together, all thoughts of a fulfilling sex life and adventure with her would be gon e since she would want kids soon. I don't see what lessons to use every time I fail at flirting because I seem to mess up every time and that worsens my confidence. I think to myself, I'll only come up with rare opportunities so I have to make the best of them. My bad boy friend is the real deal of attractiveness though, as you can tell from his facebook wall inundated with comments about his looks, and at every party we go to. I wish he was more like your boyfriend's friend. I do see what you are trying to say about looks being little to do with his success, but it does make it hard to go up against. I, like your boyfriend, do not really ask a girl out entirely because I'm convinced I'll fail and because I don't know what I'm doing. For my ex, I just got lucky and said the right things at the right time, Luckiest I have ever been. When it comes to being charming, I could do that for everyone I'm not attracted to. It just doesn't come off right with girls I like. I hope you know what I mean.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 November 2012):
And btw, my boyfriend is a nice guy and super sexy as well, yet was a virgin until he was 24 and didn't think anyone would be interested in him. He thought all the girls went for his "good looking" friends, who in reality are.. well, fat and below average looking. While he is super hot himself. But they got the girls, and he didn't (he didn't even try to make a move on anyone, he was so convinced no one would want him), so he started thinking they were the good looking ones... Can you believe it? His best friend has moobs, a gut, and a double chin, thin hair... Yet my boyfriend would often comment on how girls wanted him because he's handsome. Uhm... not.
So I'm thinking, your friend probably isn't as hot as you make him out to be. My boyfriends buddy has charm, basically. He is charming, will make you laugh, and isn't afraid to strike up a conversation with any beautiful woman. Thus, he has ended up in relationships with beautiful women, even a model once.
I hope you get what I'm trying to say here.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 November 2012):
At 19 you really haven't lived long enough for the phrase "all my life" to bear any meaning. "All your life" in this context is a matter of 3-4 years. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18, but I didn't go around saying "Men have ignored me all my life, they only want the hot bimbos and ignore good girls like me!"
It WILL happen, but you got to start realizing that 19 is NOT old, you've barely started the game. You have plenty of years to go before you can honestly say women have "ignored you all your life". This is nothing but classic teenage drama, over-reaction. 3-4 years has now become the dramatic "all my life", and not knowing how to flirt with women becomes "all women ignore me". They don't ignore you, but you don't know how to flirt with them and attract them yet. And this skill is something you learn by trying and failing. So far you're failing, but you are LEARNING, which is the key. In a few more years, maybe just even one more year, you'll have picked up on the signs and will know how to get the ones you want. While your friend, who is solely playing on his looks at the moment, will sit without women as his looks will change, or maybe women will get bored with his appearance and look for something with more substance. He'll not know what to do by that time, and probably end up with some white trash.
Trust me, the ones who were popular in high school are RARELY the popular ones or most successful ones in adult life. Guys did not pay much attention to me in high school, or at least they didn't have the courage to make a move on me. Now they flock around me because I know how to lure them in. Knowledge on how to be appealing to the other gender is all you need, looks play a very little role in the long run. That's what most women don't get, they think being pretty is enough so they just sit there and wait for the guys to flock to them and when it doesn't happen they have no idea why. It is because they don't flirt. Same thing with you, you don't know how to flirt, and THAT is why women don't flock around you. Nothing to do with your looks.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 To Serpico and the OP - women do want nice guys, it is only the immature shallow women that want the 'bad boys'! My situation is a classic example, I was dating a hot guy who was playing the typical unavailable, unattainable game. He was really hot, but I cannot stand men that mess you around, act like a jerk, blow hot and cold - I got bored within a month and ended it. I then met my current boyfriend (we have been together over a year now), he is a little overweight, not as 'hot' as the other guys I had been dating, but he makes me laugh, he treats me like a princess and will do anything for me. We are so happy together, and he is perfect for me, I am very lucky to have him.
Is he a 'nice guy'? Yes. 100%. Am I glad he is a 'nice guy' rather than a hot bad boy? 1000% yes. But then again I am 25, not a girl in her late teens like the ones the OP is meeting. Maturity plays a massive part in the type of guys a girl will go for, so in a few years time OP I'm sure you wont be having these same problems.
But for now, you need to learn how to be confident without acting like a jerk. You have obviously worked on your body and hopefully are happy with yourself now, so try taking some confidence from that. Talk to the girls you are attracted to, there is no point in wasting time with a girl who you are not attracted to (I knew what you meant when you say you want the best you can have). Forget about your friend, he is irrelevant in all of this to be honest - the problems you are having are all coming from your lack of self esteem and lack of confidence, not from your friend.
Girls like guys that make them laugh, so be yourself, have a laugh and be natural, I promise if you are yourself eventually you will find a girl who likes you for who you are. Just be careful with the types of girl you go for, while it is important that you are attracted to them dont try chasing the typical cheerleader hot girl, they are the airheads that want the bad boys. Look for the pretty girl stood in the corner, the one who is a bit quiet and a bit shy - she is a far better option than your typical hot girl who all the guys lust after.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo female anon, I am frustrated and am coming off the wrong way. My cousin pays attention only to girls he thinks attractive, while I am kind to people no matter looks, gender, and orientation. From being neglected by women my whole life, I learned that women want the best they can have. Why is it bad if I want the best I can have? I take back what I said because I did not mean it that way. I usually learn much about people before I do anything. I dont think I am judgmental. For example, some friends drink, I dont judge them, they do me. Some "girl friends" sleep around, I dont judge them, they judge me being a virgin.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012):
It strikes me that whilst you resent being seen as 'less of a catch' than him, you have no issue labelling girls as apparently being 'much less of a catch than I am.'
You've heard the phrase 'Judge less that thou shalt be judged'?
Maybe if you cut other people a bit of slack and actually take the time and effort to get to know them before making gross assumptions about them, then maybe they will do the same for you.
The way you present it, you want the perceived 'top of the game' girls to all take an interest in you, the self-proclaimed not top of the game guy. As I see it, eiher you start to respect people for being more that just some score on a a chart that is either 'better than' or 'much less' of a catch, or you continue to lie in the judgemental bed that you've made for yourself in 'charting' the world like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt this point, any form of female attention, hookup or relationship appeals to me. I am desperate. I have tried meeting girls without my friend. But in college, most places where girls are at parties. I dont smoke or drink while my friends do.. so they get the attention. Usually I end up having to take care of them. The thing is, I want the rush of being wanted for me. Not as a stability pick after girls have had their fun.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (17 November 2012):
 OP - it sounds like you're going for the wrong girls and trying to meet them in the wrong places. Do you really want to be with a girl who would sleep with your friend just because he's hot and a jerk?
Do you want a hook up or a loving relationship? You go about finding each of these in very different ways...
Have you tried to meet girls without your friend around?
It seems like you know the situation isnt perfect but you keep putting yourself in it, if you want things to change then change the way you go about solving a problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSerpico, I know about that. When a girl calls me nice, I doubletake and cringe. There isnt a way to just get real confidence, so faking seemed like the next best thing. Some girla might think I am a player. I am that good if a faker.
So it comes down to waiting according to chi girl and a few others. I startedbeing insecure around 15. When I learned my friend had done so much. It has been 4 years. How much longer?. My ex brought it up slightly but he breakup made it worse than when we started. It has been getting worse as time goes by. I have lost lots of weight and refused to eat to lose it, then tried to gain it in muscle. I only got a girlfriend after my female friend told the girl the stuff I did for my body. Then she told me my ex would say yes before I asked.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (16 November 2012):
In difference to what k_c 100 says, specifically -"What girl would pick you over him? The one that doesnt want the super hot jerk, the one that wants a nice guy who treats her well. And I can assure you, there are LOADS of girls who want that."The truth is I hear woman SAY things like this all the time. The reality is I almost never see them ACT like this.You are relatively young at 19, so Im going to give you a spoiler. No woman wants to date "The Nice Guy." TNG is someone they get to do their homework for them. Then they sleep with TNG's arrogant friend. How do I know this? For a few years of my life, I was TNG. You know what happened when I turned into an arrogant SOB? Women flocked to me.Many here talk about women liking a "confident" man. I this is absolutely true, but like money, confidence is one thing where more is almost always better, as long as its real. You try to "act" overconfident when you're really just covering up your insecurities, a woman will smell that out in a second. On the other hand, if you REALLY believe you are the cats meow, and act like it, you will not go a single Saturday night alone ever again. I lived this very phenomenon, as did my best friend, so I know first hand. Not a guess.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 November 2012):
You're not a car. As people mature they stop thinking of humans as objects. That's my response to your follow-up. Give it a few years, and you will mature as well and stop seeing yourself as a second class car, and instead see yourself as the unique and special person you are and value yourself for being exactly who you are. You don't have a clear idea yet about who you are, which is why you're identifying yourself with your idol (your friend) and comparing yourself as second to him, when in fact you and him play two different form of sports (or, using the analogy, he's a car and you're a submarine).
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 November 2012):
What girl would pick you over him? The one that doesnt want the super hot jerk, the one that wants a nice guy who treats her well. And I can assure you, there are LOADS of girls who want that.
Your problem is confidence, and a weird idea that just because a girl has dated a 'super hot' guy you dont want her. All girls have dated a variety of men in the past, just as most guys will have dated a variety of girls in the past. I'm sure you would find it a bit weird if you found out a girl didnt want to date you because your ex was better looking than her! Its a very weird complex you have going on there and you need to snap out of it - who a girl has dated before is irrelevant, we all have to kiss a few frogs to get to our prince! If she has dated someone that treat her like crap, she will be thankful to be with someone like you who treats her well, it will make her appreciate you more. I dont see what is so bad about that!
If your friend is the sort to take all the girls for himself, well as I said before simply dont hang out with him quite so much when there are lots of girls around.
And then put in the hard work - ok so your friend gets it easy and the girls just walk up to him and give him numbers, but that wont happen for many other guys so you are going to have to get off your ass and make it happen! If you see a girl you like, talk to her, get her a drink...all the usual kind of stuff. Its not rocket science, and if they turn you down - who cares, move on to the next. Just dont stand next to your friend all the time otherwise your task will be a whole lot harder!
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reader, peteloevely +, writes (16 November 2012):
 you keep saying he is soo much better than you, yet he sleeps with women he doesn’t respect, talks smack about them behind their back and he is generally undesirable.Basically you respect the fact that he can be a douche bag and perhaps you feel you can't, other than that this guy does not sound like such a great catch once you get past the exterior...?I think you need to get your priorities straight! Being a player is no something that you look up on a person for, maybe you are stuck on the high school mentality a little bit yourself, and you won’t see what is good about yourself in comparison to him until you grow up a little, when I was younger I felt I wanted to be like my bitchy skinny friends who would snog someone every time we when to a party and me being the awkward 5ft8 chubby girl was stopping me from getting the hot guys and I was stuck with people way bellow my league, mainly because I have always being on the large side… now many moons later and plenty of years wiser., Just like * chigirl* said I can smell the right men for me from a mile, but then I didn’t care, I just wanted to be seen with one of those hot guys… honestly what was I thinking??Perhaps this advice won’t mean a thing to you right now, because I sense you yourself are stuck in the illusion of being beautiful and dirty rich like lady gaga said once…give yourself a few years and your confidence will grow in to loving what you have, and telling those who don’t to get on their bike, I am not saying you are a bad person, you probably are not, but I sense you need a few years to a appreciate a whose bird with a good personality that knows how to turn your friend down within seconds of opening his mouth, but to appreciate someone with a strong personality suit or a cracking confidence you need to be there yourself other ways they intimidate you…and believe it what * Cerberus* said?... 100% the truth, but it only works when you wiser and older :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers everyone.. some clarifications.
Kc100.. Unfortunately, I have a problem with girls who have been with g uys like my friend. He talks in a very degrading manner about all the girls he has been but he has them coming back everytime. Having a girl who has been through that, is hard to do because my pride gets in the way.
TrancedRhythmEar.. I have been working out for a year and I have gone far. I am not sure when to tease or not and he doesnt do much except stand around. A simple hi gets him numbers. I would be humiliated if I asked for help from him.
Cerberus, Thanks for the "man up" advice. I needed that. Myfriend isnt as nice as yours though. He would be the one to take everygirl for himself. I know this because I have tried. Also.. cures, surgeries, 7 foot defenders when I play soccer.. that stuff doesnt scare me. While I am a confidenceless guy on the inside I act like I can do anything and am the most handsome on the outside. I am a good faker i guess. My ex's comments led to my complex which led to me breaking down which led to us growing apart.
Chigirl, What girl would pick me over him. We have the same interests but different lodoks and personality. I uunderstand pools of women will change but would a girl want a Ford fiesta after she has driven a Bugatti Veyron? I dont know what signs are besides playing with hair and that doesnt happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): You do not need to be handsome, you need to feel fine with yourself. Search the word aven, and you will find ways to improve your success rate.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 November 2012):
You don't need to be "better" than him. It is not a competition. Give it another 2-3 years and you'll have a good nose for your own type of girls, the girls that will solely go for guys like you, while ignoring guys like him. They exist. But you haven't learned to notice them yet/attract them.
I have a friend whom I've known for 12 years. When we were 16, all the guys I knew of wanted her, not me. She was the one who got the attention, she was the outgoing one, and when we both fell in love with the same guy, he wanted her. Talk about feeling second best! This lasted for a few years, and then I discovered that I looked different from her, yes, but not WORSE. Same as you look different from your friend, but not worse! Yes, your ex said he was more handsome, but that's just one person, and an ex at that. Yes, my high school crush thought she was prettier/funnier than me, but that was just HIM, not ALL guys. Same as your ex is not ALL girls.
I don't have a problem letting boyfriends meet my friend now, because I know that when they like ME, they aren't attracted to her. Because we're so different. We attract different guys, and we've also expanded our horizons since high school and are no longer going for the same group of guys. The same thing will happen with you and your friend, once you grow older you'll expand your fishing pool of women, as will he, and you will attract women who will not be the least interested in him.
It'd be worse if you and him were exactly the same in looks and personality, because if you were you'd actually be competitors for the same women. But, you are different. You're not second, just different. And you'll attract different girls. They will still be hot and gorgeous, but they will be the type of girls who are not interested in him.
Just give it a couple of years, like I said. You just got to get to know yourself better, figure out who YOU are as opposed to him, and learn to identify the women who put YOU as their number one interest and him as their second. You've not learned to notice yet when a girl is interested in you, this is a skill that takes time to develop.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2012):
 For the longest time.... all the cute girls in my town were enamored of - and dated and spent time with and put out for - the "cool" guys.... those on the football team, those who had hot cars... those who had access to liquor...
I - in the meantime - did my darndest to get around in a 1952 Chevy that had a leaky master cylinder (so the brakes didn't always work!)....and a lousy paint job.... AND, I had serious acne and was, socially, rather misfit... AND, my entire "sex life" occurred in concert with the "Palmer sisters (if you know what I mean)"!!!!
Anyhow, this was all to change when I had a life-altering situation.... wherein my older brother explained to me the "facts of life." It wasn't long before I established a reputation, with the girls, as THE ONLY GUY IN TOWN who could LICK HIS EYEBROWS (!!!!)... and, for some reason, that triggered me to ALWAYS have a date on Friday and Saturday nights. I've NEVER looked back from that life-altering epiphany!!!!
Perhaps you need an older brother to guide you????
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Girls are shallow and vain when they're younger, its all about physical image to them. When they're older and more mature and they realise that looks are only skin deep, they decide they want to settle down with someone who they have an emotional connection with, to sustain a relationship for the long haul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Oh one final thing, you think a guy like me has never heard a girlfriend admit that they thought my friend were more handsome than me? Comes with territory when you look like I do and to me it's just a statement of fact. I mean you agree with her OP that he is more handsome, how can you get pissed at her for admitting something you agree with?
Never bothered me in the slightest I always viewed things like that as fact, I don't care if someone is more handsome, has a bigger dick, is a better cook, has more money, can run further. I'm pretty damn awesome myself in a tonne of ways and that girl is mine so obviously she agrees.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Sorry OP can't help you really. Whenever I was out with any of my very handsome male friends and I was short, fat and bald. I was too busy actively hunting women, chatting up girls, asking them out, getting numbers, making them laugh, getting laid, dating and being in relationships to ever give a crap about how they were doing other than to introduce friends of the girl I was getting/with/dating/in a relationship with to talk to my friends, they were my wing men not the other way around. Exceptionally useful wingmen too OP. You'd think being visibly less handsome would be a handicap in that situation but it was the opposite. I'd literally point to the girl I was going to take and they'd go straight over to the friend and act as a brilliant distraction for me. Guess what, even if the girl I was chatting up visibly liked my friend too, the fact that he was so interested in her friend made her long even harder just to be desired by someone, anyone, purely out of competitive jealousy and for me that was very easy to exploit, you'd be surprized how even women who don't find you attractive can really get into the idea of getting with you if you make them feel the right things, comfortable, beautiful, desired, happy, funny, interesting or what happened a lot in those situations they had a point to prove to themselves.
OP in a choice between the handsome, badass, confident medical student or his relatively decent looking, quiet, jealous medical student friend, who are they going to pick if the two of you are just sitting there?
OP the way I always saw it was this; you don't sell a second-hand Ford Fiesta by placing it next to a Bugatti Veyron and hoping someone will take a liking to it. Makes no sense. You have to make sure it's clean, in the best condition possible and you take people to it, you know everything you want to show that customer to impress them, you deliver the perfect sales pitch, with confidence, pride and passion, that's how you make a sale OP and if you're not a Bugatti Veyron then you have to sell yourself the same way.
Forgive me for saying this OP but stop being a defeatist, jealous wuss. How is acting like that helping your situation? Is this how you'll practice medicine? Not even bother to diagnose the problem because you don't recognize that combination of symptoms and view that as personal failure and reason to just give up? Of course not because it's not a reflection on you personally and you'll find a way because it's your duty to do so, even if being a doctor isn't what you plan on being, the same applies to every profession and yes, to everything you do in life. You have a duty to yourself to diagnose this problem, I'm giving you a treatment and you just have to go off and start dating girls if that's what you want. OP it's not as if I've never been jealous of other guys, of course I have but not in such a profound way because I never reflected anyone else's life onto me because you can't compare. I mean shit if I was like that I'd never leave the house because there will always be better, bigger, stronger etc. that's life, leanr how to use your friends strengths to enhance your life, this guy sounds like a good friend to have OP and I can say with certainty you have qualities he wishes he had, as that's quite simply the case with all friends.
This guy can be your greatest ally in this if you learn to embrace his qualities and use them to your advantage OP. The only real difference between him and you is that he plays the game, he runs the race and it comes naturally to him, you on the other hand sit there and watch, you don't run the race yet still expect a prize and it doesn't come naturally to you so you have to put in more work yet you'd rather give up instead.
OP stop beating yourself up, you're not less than him, he's not better than you, he just has qualities different to yours and you'll never compete at his game so you have to play your own game.
Would I have had any success at all if I just stood there beside my friends, hoping, waiting and doing nothing? A fat, short bald guy? God no. I have to put in a lot more work at the start but it all becomes effortless fun after a while and I played just to play the game. I couldn't rely on looks so I never tried to, I could only rely on my intelligence, wit, observational skills, confidence and tenacity.
Time to stop moping and time to get working. Sit and cry, or get up off your arse and start getting shit done. You have to make sure you have a life and love life fulfilling enough that you no longer feel this way, he's done nothing deserve any of this OP and I'm sure he'll be more than happy to accompany you on this, get your back and give you tips, even send some women your way and big you up. It's time.
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 Women at any age go for looks first man.. but real women will see the personality is important as well. If I were you.. adapt... learn what he does to attract women with his personality. He's a jerk? wrong. Hes not nice.. he prob teases, creates sexual tension and may be rude at appropriate times.. women at any age dig that bc it creates suspense and chemistry and well, men like that aren't boring and women love it and eat it up. If its jealousy that drives u make most of it... hit the gym harder build a better body my man; women say they may not necessarily desire a real nice body but they damn sure wont argue with u if youve got one. Learn nutrition and do it. When engaged with women talk about cool stuff like crazy stories in the news or recommendations on restaurants or clothes or places to hang out. Women love giving recommendations and crap man and will creat convo. Learn not to bring up looks like oh you're beautiful, i like ur eyes, blah blah boring!!!! And most importantly... they know they're hot, its ur job to not notice and give them crap about what doesn't look good lol appropriately but tease man learn this stuff. Start with David de Angelo or watch ur friend n take notes. Become his apprentice and team up with him or something.Good luck.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 November 2012):
First things first, by all means play sports with this guy and hang out with him, but dont spend ALL your time with him. Unfortunately girls at your age are immature and think that looks are everything, hence why they are going for your friend.
But as girls get older, they realise that more often than not the really hot guys are pretty boring and no interesting. Whereas the guys who are hot, but not 'stunning' have much more to offer. I know that sucks, that you have to wait until girls mature a bit more, but at least you know you wont be alone forever! I have dated the super 'hot' guys and every single one of them was dull, boring and a bit of a jerk really, I soon got bored of them because they messed me around and were not interesting to talk to or particularly funny. Instead I have gone for a normal looking, 5"8, slightly overweight guy who makes me laugh and treats me so well. I am a million times happier with him than I ever could have been with the 'super hot' guys.
In the mean time, while you are waiting for the girls to grow up a bit, try broadening your circle of friends and dont hang out with him all the time. If you fancy going out to somewhere where you know there will be a lot of girls, make sure you go with a friend who isnt quite so good looking. Not saying you need an ugly wingman here, but just someone who is a bit more 'normal' looking. So when you are at these parties, try not to hang out with him so much, spend a little time with him but hang out with other people away from him too so you are not stood next to him all the time.
You sound like a nice guy, with great job prospects and if you play a lot of sports I'm sure you have a good body and will be a good looking guy. Girls will notice you one day I promise, they are just at the age where looks are everything I'm afraid but they will grow out of it! The guy who can make a girl laugh and treats her well always wins in the end, the 'hot jerk' act gets boring very quickly!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Now here's the problem: maybe what he has that you don't is confidence! If its causing u that many problems then stop going out with him or you could learn from him. What is it that make him attractive? Is he friendly, open willing to talk to others? Just take note. It also sounds like your being overly picky yourself saying you dont want to end up with a girl who is much less of a catch than you are. That sounds stuck up and as a girl i would run a mile from som1 with an attitude like that! Also jealousy makes you bitter which is also not attractive you need to get over it, pay less attention to your friend and more to the women you are talking to!
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