A
female
age
30-35,
*ollyW
writes:there is a man who works at my school who is a good bit older than me but I can honestly say I dont think ive ever wanted to sleep with someone more. I know he is attracted to me but he is married. I just need to know how to tell him. i barely see him and all I want is one good time together. no attachment or anything further. I can't stop thinking about it and it is consuming my daily thoughts!! I desperately need to get this off my chest, please help!
View related questions:
married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hollyW +, writes (31 October 2010):
hollyW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the feedback and advice. I had never really thought about how MANY things this could badly effect. I honestly dont think I would truly act on this, I have been raised better and it is so wrong in too many different ways. It just scares me that I have considered it so strongly. This man has seriously taken over my thoughts. I think about it constantly and have reoccurring dreams all the time. I feel creepy and strange thinking about him this much !! ah I wish it would just go away but in time I guess it will. I guess I just need to learn better self control. Ive realized that u cannot control what you dream about and you cant always control what thoughts go through your head but you can definitely control how you choose to act on it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Whats the matter can you not find another man unmarried or attractive or do you like breaking up marriages and others lives for your own indulgences!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Call for Honesty please. Once will never be enough for you, and you know it. You want what his wife has now. That is, a husband, HER husband. You think this could go somewhere. Instead it will be rushed, furtive, sad, false and temporary. Is that all you need? Is that all you are worth? A sad furtive rushed sexual relationship that is not a real relationship? I have seen the pain caused to a friend when her husband, who is a serial cheater, has been caught out, again. Some men seem to use cheating as a way to mess up the existing relationship. But they dont want another wife. They are just smucks who still don't get that a promise is a promise. These cheaters dont keep their promises. You want to get some stolen moments with him. But you dont care who else gets hurt in the process. Where is your self esteem? Surely you have enough going for you that you can forge a life that is filled with available unattached attractive men? All the pain caused by infidelity would be abated if men and women said ni.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetheartx  +, writes (30 October 2010):
well thats an interesting question . Just try to ignore the feeling when you see him. if you did sleep with him it would be disqusting because your a pupil hes a teacher its just not right, if its getting more and more hard for you then why dont you just move to another school quite close to your school so you can still meet up with your friends.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 October 2010):
The moment you sleep with him, you'll feel worse. That's the way the human mind works. You don't want less of a good thing once you've had it. You'll want more.
There is no way that this could work out. For several reasons.
The first is that because he works at your school, it would be illegal and on the very high chance someone finds out, that'll be the end of his job and life, and the end of you at the school.
Secondly, he's a married man. So that would make him a cheat, and you a woman who was willing to entice a married man. And if that came out, you'd look even worse than him. The married man having an affair never looks quite as bad as the mistress. She gets the brunt. No female friend would trust you. No guy would really want you. And believe me, it's a reputation that can follow for a very long time.
Finally, if something did happen, your feelings wouldn't go away. They'd get stronger. You'd want more. Then you'd be in a real mess, because either he'd use you and have a good laugh at your expense, or he'd never bother again and you'd become a jealous, very hurt girl.
You need to look at this with a logical mind, not an emotional one. One night with this guy, and you degrade yourself to level of used mistress, you could get him fired/divorced/jailed, you could ruin your reputation permanently, and finally you'd make his wife feel like crap.
If you can't pick up on the moral side, then you need to look carefully at yourself.
It can't and mustn't happen. Mostly for your sake.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): You may think you one just one good time but, i may be generalising here, women tend to get attached after sex more so than men.
Right now it may seem like a good idea but it's a fantasy, that's all and it should stay that way.
Even if i'm wrong and you're one of those girls who doesn't get attached, don't you think having sex with a married man is wrong? What about his poor wife?
I think you need to think long and hard about your own morals and self-worth.
If you thought more of yourself you wouldn't be thinking about being a married man's dirty little secret.
Don't do it, trust me you'll regret it.
...............................
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (30 October 2010):
 While reading your question? It brought back a very "FOND MEMORY" My daughter has from her childhood that she shares with each and everyone that would listen! and it makes me KNOW as a Mother,that I didn't give bad advice even when I was 18! & she was 5. She came running in the house crying and I said to her "What's wrong? She said the kids keep saying I "THINK" I'm better then them!!! " I told her "Those kids don't know what you're thinking! because they're not in your head! THEY "Think you're better then them" & I'm telling YOU!!!"You're not in HIS head!!! You don't know what's he's THINKING!" The moral of this story is don't make NOT a fool yourself by approaching that man! Because you "THINK" he's attracted to you! LMAO!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, raspberryshus +, writes (30 October 2010):
I have been in your shoes and acted...I wish I could tell you that it was a horrible experience but sadly I cannot. As long as you understand that it is an animalistic impulse and nothing could possiby come from the experience, you will probably never get him off of your mind until you sleep with him. Work is probably going to be pretty awkward forever though....
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 What makes you think that after you sleep with him all those feelings will suddenly disappear? What makes you think there will be any sort of relief after it happens? How can you be sure?
Just forget about it and let it go. You feel an attraction but you know and he knows that to act on it would be unlawful and just wrong. He is married. Do not attempt to pull him away from it, no matter how short you think this whole ordeal will be, if he does anything, if you tempt him away from his wife, you will be just as guilty as he. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such by a husband, by a wife and by everyone around them, friends family and the like.
Stay away from him and distract yourself from thoughts of him. Mind over matter. If you are filled with thoughts of him, it is your fault for not forcing them away. Do not think it impossible.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
