A
male
age
30-35,
justfriends
writes:well my life has just gotten a lot worse, My mom was just diagnosed with Colon Cancer. I don't really show emotion I haven't cried in a long time and Im cold. my family has gone through some tuff shit in the last little while and I don't know how much more I can handle before I mess someone up. Love has not been a thing that worked for me thus far. I went to a party and got messed up and made out with this girl who is not someone you would bring home to your family. My friends made fun of me for it nothing serious or that I can't handle but none the less its getting old. My mom is handling the news pretty good and I am not showing that I am worried or anything. So I will show that Im being strong for her and say everything is alright but in my head the only thing on my mind is that its some how my fault. I am hard on myself because if Im not I won't push myself and I can't settle for anything less than being remembered by more that just family I am not capable of not working hard and won't sit still. Love has not come easy for me I have liked many people but right now with the way my life has been going I just want to be someone's rock. I want to be there for more than just one or two people. and thats what love is to me. I love to spend time with people and don't get me wrong but I don't need to date the person to love them if its being there for someone to love them then I love a lot of people and they probably don't know. The girl I want is the challenge for me, I want to be there for her but she won't see me like that she thinks of me as just the guy who is nice but she won't ask me for anything and won't except me for who I am. I will say this a few times just so people get this straight, I don't care if she doesn't except me for who I am, and I don't want people to say oh well you should. I am messed up in the head my father had cancer and I watched him in agony and I will have to do the same for my mother soon. so I feel right now that I am helpless If I could have taken his pain or my mothers pain I would. I have no grandparents they have all died so life has been hard thus far. This girl I care about doesn't care about me and I have gotten some real good quotes that mean a lot to me about this topic, "I want you to notice when Im not around" "I wish I was special" "Im sorry I bought you roses to tell you that I liked you" "I wish she would see me, see me for who I am" "talk to me, feel me, notice me when Im not around" "What if I do these things for her? will she do them for me""I savor the sadness that she brings me"I have a strong hatred for feelings like this but it makes me stronger to think of it. People say things like Im sorry to hear about it... they don't really mean it. and I don't want apologies I don't want sympathy I don't want the situation but I can't change it. The only thing I do want is prayers I want my mom to get through this and I want to turn back time and start over I want to be a better son work harder be more determined study harder play harder. I want to have girls I am interested in be interested in me. All I have learned from life so far is its a bitch and no matter what family is there for me. I love you mom,From your son
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female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (15 November 2010):
 there is nothing you can do about crap like this,
the rubbish stick does not just hit you. it hits everybody.
so get that perspective right now.
supporting your mum by yourself is a major deal , and your a kid so it is an impossible mission you are never going to win. do you have a family friend, an uncle cousin you could confide in maybe ask to visit ?
there is support for cancer, for both people with it and carers.
if it is just you living with your mum that makes you a carer so look for some outside help.
also , see a counsellor, visit your gp and tell them how your feeling.
counsellors are not their for your sympathy, they are there for you to vent to let out your frustrations and try and help you through grief.
as for love wise. that is never perfect! are you in school college? because im at uni babe and i can tell you that when you enter uni or work even, the world is a much bigger place than you realise and you meet tons of new people. so don't get down about it. People don't often mature till after school focus on your studies, get a hobby to take your mind off it.
stop being woe is me and do something about it, the only way you will feel better or being able to cope is to get active. find some help.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 November 2010):
Hi there. There's not a lot you can do about your Mother's condition, except be supportive and try very hard to stay positive.
If you stay positive, she will also.
She is probably having all treatments that she can have, so no stone is being left unturned, I am assuming.
It's more important that you like and accept yourself first - totally and unconditionally, before other people and girls can do the same.
Just always be yourself, and be true to yourself. Don't do things just to please others. That's being untrue, and living a lie.
You also need to believe in yourself, and your right to have the best in life that you can have. You deserve that.
Concentrate on making your life as interesting as it can be, see your friends, have fun and be happy.
Your life can be whatever you want it to be, you just have to work out what it is that you want.
Some things you can't change - such as serious illness. The rest you can change. A lot of this is to do with your general attitude to life.
Believe me, there is plenty of time to find that special young lady to share the rest of your life with. There really is no hurry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is a sad article, but beautifully written. You do have my prayers.
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