A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in a less than passionate relationship for 7 years. After that ended, my next boyfriend's sexual desire was almost nonexistent(he never desired it). I desired it every day. Being rejected physically for such a long time took it's toll and just a few days ago I slept with a man who was absolutely wonderful to me in bed. Sex for me is not that emotional. Of course I felt rejected in my previous relationships and I'm sure this act was prompted by that. I am not interested in seeing him again but I believe he was put in my life to show me that a man can be passionate and put a female's sexual needs first. He was fabulous!!!!!!!!!! and it was our first date. It was so good I did it again the next morning then sent him out the door. Like I said I almost don't want to see him again as i'm embarrassed I did this but he opened my eyes again. So how many of you girls and guys have done this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. Just an update as it may have been unclear. I am not in a relationship right now. This was not an act of infidelity. My ex gave me blessings to see others. The embarrassment stems from my upbringing. It is such a shame that one man I loved more than anyone did not reciprocate my sexual desires. It is a form of rejection that is tough to overcome.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 I do believe that on average, most women desire sex less often than men. I think that is natural. That is why you felt embarrassed in the morning. Many women are taught not to show their sexual side or to seek sex from men. Men are taught or wired to do the opposite.
I also think, since sex is a good thing, it's easier for the person with less desire to step it up as compared to denying the person with the stronger desire. Sometimes the person with the lower drive just needs to spend some time getting in the mood. After all, that was one of the tools used to hook the man early in the relationship. Then, when the relationship is established, the man is left wondering...."what happened to the sex" In other words, if you enjoy chocolate but only eat it twice a week and your partner wants to eat chocolate three times a week, eat the !$#@ one more time. What's the harm.
Having said that, I really lose respect for people who go out, cheat and then use the end to justify the means. That is a sorry excuse. Do things in the order that displays integrity. Work on the problem, solve it or break up. THEN go and have sex.
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A
male
reader, GenuineGuy  +, writes (4 July 2007):
VERY interesting.
I'm on the verge of splitting up with my wife as she has no interest AT ALL. It goes way beyond just sex, she wont talk to me and is just hell to live with.
She tries to tell me that having a strong desire as I do is not the norm and that most women do not desire it all the time. I'd settle for fairly regular but she would go a year or probably not at all if i'd let her. You'd think she just doesn't want me anymore but she wont admit to that.
Rejection is taking its toll on me too. I can't go on like this for much longer.
My honest advice is look for what you want. It's the only way in the long run. Putting up with this scenario for a number of years is killing me.
I've managed to avoid doing what you've done so far probably cos I have kids etc but I'm definately anly a few steps behind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): Dont feel embarassed. I just did the same. After 5 years living with an otherwise lovely kind bloke our sex life had become really poor - once a month if I was lucky and he never took care of my needs. I tried toys and underwear and even gave him zinc tablets I told him I needed more and still nothing. I even took us on holiday but nothing. Over the months I had found myself flirting more and more with male colleagues and kissed a couple of blokes on girls nights out. Then on a buisness trip I caught up with an old friend. We got rather drunk and had amazing (safe)sex several times and in the morning when sober. It was a big eye opener for me. He was such a generous lover. He is married and I was very, very ashamed afterwards and have cut off from him, but I realised that my existing partner was never going to give me what I need as a woman. Meanwhile a friend who had become single indicated his interest a couple of months ago.
We are now lovers and I am in the process of moving out from my ex. My ex and I have been able to stay friends but it is hard for a man to accept you are leaving because of lack of sex. We have told everyone that we have drifted apart. He is a lovely man in every other way and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him but I am not an old lady and I need more than companioniship. My new partner is fit and a generous lover. Whilst I am still getting to know him I truly hope I have made the right decision and all indications so far are good. Obviously there is more to a relationship that sex and there were power issues and money issues in the background too with my ex, but I really dont think you should worry about wanting a decent physical relationship.
Passion feels so good. It makes my world go around these days and makes life worth living.
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