| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I feel that my girl blackmails me or bullies me in to calling her or telling her "I love you" everyday. If i don't i feel paranoid about loosing her somehow. And i am not able to empathize with her situation when i get paranoid and just start to get angry and aggressive on her and do maximum i can to damage / destroy our relationship or reject her without any valid explanation / reason. It is like, i want to make her feel responsible for my own feelings of insecurity and depress her / abuse her in some manner. Though she has been quite tolerant and assured me that she is mine, it is just that i feel such insecurity due to the region where i live. It has a culture of scepticism, distrust and fear in regards to a male-female relationship. Any advice would help me to get this situation sorted out. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (4 July 2007):
Being emotionally forced into saying I Love You will only have the effect of making you resentful, so your reaction is completely normal. It’s a bit of a sweeping generalisation, but in my experience, most women find it much easier to say the 3 little words. That means that we sometimes find it hard to understand why some men don’t say it as often, and mistakenly assume that it means you might not. You talk about your insecurities, but I reckon that maybe your girlfriend is insecure too if she needs to hear it every single day. She has mistaken your difference from her as being “wrong”, when in fact you are just different. Accepting this difference takes time and practice, it’s part of the challenge and enjoyment of loving the opposite sex. Most of us learned the hard way by driving a boyfriend away. All you need to do, is explain how you feel. Don’t do it when you are already annoyed about it, but when you are calm and happy. Tell her men are different, that being forced to say it (and call) is making it seem like a chore, when of course is isn’t. Make sure to tell her that you love her at this point. Ask her to try to accept that you love her from the way that you treat her when you are with her, and not to keep asking you. Give her loads of reassurance. Then in the future, of course try to remember to say I Love You sometimes, and call when you can – that way she will realise that she doesn’t have to push you, and might lighten up a bit.
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