A
female
age
30-35,
*oldiefoxxx
writes:My boyfriend and I recently broke up, we have our issues as any couple does, he gave me hope, told me everything was going to be ok, and that we were going to talk, and not lose sight of each other.It took him the second night away, to sleep with someone. I could have ran to my ex and had done the same, but I didn't, because I felt I still had a reason to hold on to my most recent. I'm in love with this guy, I am terribly depressed, he wont speak to me, told me he needs time to think and relax.. but he is already talking to someone.. I don't understand, he is a good guy, he's angry with me because I was always on his case about other girls, but the girl I had gotten on him about it turns out he was interested in, I don't know if me pushing him led him to that. All I know is I want to talk to him, I miss him so badly it hurts. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in days and I just want him back. Honestly I'd set everything aside just to be in his arms again, I cant look at a photo of us without bursting into tears, someone mentions his name and I just lose it.I don't know how to approach it, I've tried to be kind and tell him i miss his company, his smile his laugh and the way he'd look at me, and how i wish so terribly that things were different. He doesn't say anything at all. I'm deeply saddend and I'm heartbroken, I was angry and I ran to my ex for comfort a few days later, no it was not right and it really isn't any different than what he did, but I have to say having that comfort and someone to fall asleep with made the difference. Problem is, this guy isn't serious about me, that's why I'd given up and moved onto this new one, then this happened. My life has changed so abrubtly this devastating event has disrupted me as a person, I'm exhausted and sad all the time. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (17 January 2013):
You said your previous boyfriend wasn't serious. And neither was this one. It sounds like you are quite insecure and that makes relationships more dificult but it also sounds like this guy hasn't been faithful. I suspect that there is a reason that there are other girls in the wings. I think he's giving them reason to think they have a chance and obviously they do. Stay away from your old bf, and this one because neither have treated you well. You need a good dose of self respect which you might get if you can afford some councelling or if you have friends that can treat you as you deserve. Maybe, and you will find this hard, you should give guys a miss until you do value yourself enough to choose someone who is kind and thoughtful and faithful; some one who REALLY loves you. Concentrate on being good to yourself. Maybe save up and have a nice overseas trip ...not a "boyfriend finding" holiday but a real trip. At 18-21 a lot of guys aren't interested in the kind of relationship that you want.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 January 2013):
I agree, this girl was probably waiting in the wings.
Getting rejected is HARD. It can make a sane person feel crazy. It can make you think he was the perfect guy even if you never thought that in the first place.
The key is to realize that he WASN'T the perfect guy. He did things that made you feel bad and hasn't treated your feelings respectfully. He may be "nice" but you have to remember he wasn't right for you.
In your fragile state you have convinced yourself you'll never find anyone like him again, but that's not remotely true.
You'll need time but reminding yourself of these things can really help.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Don't beat yourself up about pushing your ex in the arms of the other woman. You didn't. He was flirting around with her as well as other women (from your previous posts). He clearly wasn't into your relationship that much, though that's difficult for you to see right now.
You're not together anymore. It's over, sorry to say. He was able to move on so quickly because he was already half way out of the relationship.
Also don't beat yourself up about seeing your previous ex. You already know it's not a good thing to have done, though, and didn't help so hopefully you won't repeat that. It'll just make you feel even more confused and used.
I know you are devastated, it's totally normal when a relationship ends. But looking at this post, and your others, from an outsiders perspective, I can honestly say that breaking up was the right thing to do. You were more into the relationship than he was, sadly, and it's over. Put the photos of him away, don't contact him, don't look him up on Facebook, and don't ask your friends about what he's up to.
You need some time spent with friends, away from men, to heal. It will take time. Heart break is devastating and you have my sympathies.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 January 2013):
When it take someone just two days to sleep with someone else after dumping, and after say that it 'will be okay', you know you're on a losing battle.
This guy didn't have the nerve to admit that he was moving you on in favour of another girl. You've mentioned that 'you were always on his back about girl' - I'm now guessing for a good reason. You certainly didn't push him to this other girl. He took himself there.
The best thing you can do now is just spend some time alone, getting it together again. It will do you no good to wait for this guy - he's not nice really, and he was cruel to you. And going back to your ex won't do a thing either, since he'll use you.
Spend some time alone, see friends, do things that you want to do and focus on the fact that you need to move on here.
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