| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years nearly 2 years ago. We didn't really have much contact as he had a new girlfriend! I saw him out clubbing a couple of weeks ago and we got on so well as if we had never split. I ended up going back to his for the night, I slept with him, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I have never stopped loving him and my feelings are now stronger than ever for him. Am I reading too much into it or do you think I have a chance of us getting back together? Please help. I love him so much and feel so incomplete and lonely without him!
View related questions:
broke up, clubbing, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Wow. Yeah I needed this advice right about now.The thing is I know what I should do. Its obvious what I should do. Its just doing it that messes me up.It was literally 2 nights ago.I ended up bumping into my ex in a club a few weeks back. we had a chat and it went quite well. i broke down by his house a few weeks later and called him as he was a mechanic. he came and there were undeniable sparks. it may have been the engine but still...i said i would buy him a drink to make up for it. 2 days later we end up in bed together, now i feel fucking awful. hes in a relationship and has been for the last 9 months. another bad point to this is he did the same thing to me with his ex wife when we got together 5 years ago. im absolutely distraught for this girl. i get the feeling if i was happy in my current situation it wouldnt have happened (yes, im seeing someone too) im a complete devil woman. i dont know what to do right now its just hard to do anything. i feel so awful. but i will, when i get the energy back, get rid of all the bad things in my life. the guy im seeing will not commit to me and after my actions i dont blame him. this is rubbish :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): i am in the exact same situation. my ex and i hang out on regular basis with extreme sexual attraction. he kissed me yesterday and it broke the barrier. we slept together and it was amazing, he treated me amazing. we hung out today and the flirtation was still there.
i think what you need to do is think about this: if he able to find another person who he is attracted enough to to call his girlfriend, he probably isn't the most amazing person. if he can get over you so quickly and move on to someone else, we need to try and do the same. it hurts like hell, and it will for a long time, but we can't just stick with someone because we long for them... they need to prove to us why we should stick with them. if someone is going to hurt you like this and toy you around... THEY REALLY AREN'T AMAZING. it hurts. a fucking lot. but if they truely loved us, we wouldn't be writing on the internet about how we love them and want them back, they would be with us right now.
it hurt for me to write this, but it's the truth for both of us. i really do hope you can cope and heal. i hope the same for myself. it's a hard life, and this really will help us in the long run.
good luck and i hope things work out.
...............................
A
female
reader, bee +, writes (14 September 2005):
hmm this is a tricky one and depends on so much you haven't told us.
What was he like after you slept together? Did he say anything? Were you on E? Were you drunk?
You also don;t mention the exact circumstances of your split - did he actually leave you for this other girl?
You also say you feel lonely without him - this worries me as after two years, you shouldn't feel lonely for him, it's more likely you feel generally lonely, which is not a good place to start a relationship from, particularly with someone who may have hurt you before, so I urge you to think first about what you really need in your life and whether he can bring it into your life to suit both of you in a healthy way.
Try to find strength in yourself to be a bit selfish and choose wisely before you give in to those old emotions with him.
Also, please remember it's unlikely he's changed at all, plus there;s a reason exes often end up in bed - it;s a combo of someone they know they enjoyed sleeping with, old attraction and the sense of something that's meant to be forbidden. Be careful, take care of yourself and above all, let him come to you so you can be in a position of power to make a decision that's right for you. Don;t chase after him, especially after a one-night stand like this.
Good luck and I wish you all the best,
Bee
...............................
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (14 September 2005):
 Here is the problem, of course there is a chance of reconcilation, however, what was the initial reason for the break up? How long ago did he end things with his last girlfriend? Or is he still with her? These questions are definitely a factor in your future with him.
Another question is since the sex has he made contact with you? Has he commented on it? Does he show an interest?
I dont think your reading to much into this, what happened is that you opened up a door of emotions, that you never thought you would open again. The chemistry is still there, making it hard to ignore what emotions are arising from this sudden experience.
Having sex with your ex can be really hard on a person, because of how much it brings back to the surface. Here is what i would say for you to do, talk to him !!! If you both were comfortable enough to sleep together then a conversation about it shouldnt be too hard. You were his girlfriend for 3 1/2 years though things didnt work in the beginning, you still share a history. You need to speak with him, I would say do it face to face and ask him what he thought about the situation, and what is he feeling now. When in doubt be honest, even if things dont work in your favor at least you can look back on the experience with no regrets.
dee =)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2005): Dear anonymous,
WoW! Where do I begin... Ok well the first thing that you have to remember is that the two of you broke up for a reason and having sex one night doesnt make up for whatever that reason was. I don't think that you love either because if you loved him you wouldn't have let him go in the first place and it SURE AS HELL wouldnt have taken you 2 years and one night of good sex to see that. I think that if your ex has a new girlfriend and slept with you even if the 2 of you did get back together don't expect him to be faithful (a leopard doesn't change its spots). I'm sorry that you feel lonley and incomplete with out him all the sudden but I think if you have been good for 2 years without him you'll be fine for the rest of your life without him. Girl move on find another guy and get over it. I know its hard but you can do it, believe me because I DID! I was in THE SAME EXACT SITUATION and then I got smart. Don't dwell on the past and don't re-live the past.
...............................
|
