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male
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anonymous
writes: The girl I love is very flirty and I don't know how to interact with her. She is loud and bubbly while I am more quiet and "traditional" about such things. She knows I like her a lot but shows me no recognition. I just don't know how to introduce my personality to her and perhaps ask her out. What shall I do?
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (15 September 2005):
 Approach confidently. That doesn't mean loud just as if you can handle what ever comes your way.
BTW- opposites attract. Loud and bubbly people want the strong and silent type. I know trust me on this. Every guy that is talkative or flirty is suspicious in my book. Probably because what we worry about in our personalities we notice and worry about in others. My guy? Very silent and now I know also sensitive. But when we met, I thought that he was hot and tough. He seemed to be so sure of himself that he had nothing to prove. He also commanded attention when he spoke (probably because he did it so rarely!) I wanted someone to ground me and he wanted some spark in his life...
When we meet the opposite personality type and are attracted, we put a story to them. Not necessarily based on reality, sure but you can control the inputs. Also, Don't act too nice, but really act like all women are safer when you are in the room cause you won't stand for anything less. Some guys think not too nice means abusively. WRONG. It means that if she is not interested in you, you don't really care since she is no perfect catch anyway. (And she isn't. Like the rest of the human race she is flawed. Something tells me that if you get the girl, she will drive you insane in no time with her constant chattering. And you with your inability to form a coherent thought. But that is likely to happen no matter who you end up with. Opposites attract and then try to change the other. But that is normal and for a different stage. I did however notice the loud and flirty comment and we loud people worry we are secretly hated for it if someone says those particular adj.s. So don't says that to her.)
The only problem I can see however is that she pays you no attention and already knows you. If you have been secretly wanting her and (of course) she knows it (we all do since we are better at body language than men are usually,) it might be too late and any sudden confidence will look fake.
I suggest:
when the opportunity avails itself, spark up a conversation. A possibly sarcastic (but not) sounding compliment (that is real or true) might be good.
One guy I met was great with this. He noted something i cared about and said it was interesting but I could tell he either had no idea what he was talking about or would not care about it but was being nice. Then I, as a talker, did the rest as he looked on amused.
Give her some fuel to ignite HER personality, she will like you all the more.
Go get an old James Dean Movie or Interview w/a Vamp and watch the vamps. Girls love that type of guy. OOOh, or better yet, go watch Tombstone and pay attention to any of the Erp brothers except the Bill Paxton character, or Doc Holiday.
Good Luck!
A
reader, pops +, writes (14 September 2005):
Introduce your personality to her? That is a new one! If you are quiet and traditional, how does anyone know if you even have a personality? Wallflowers, like weeds, get passed by in life, largely unnoticed until some gets stuck by one. Stop being a weed, take some courses in communication, and a course in relationship, and climb out of your shell. I don't know what traditional means, but you seem to value whatever it is. WRONG! If you keep this as your personal goal you will lead a very lonely life. And worse than that, you will be boring to others. If you want to have other people notice you, you are going to have to get out an do things, with people. The more interests you develope the more interesting you will be to others, who have not quite shared your experiences. It sounds like you want to play it safe. Well, you can do that, but without risks, there are no victories, and no real joy. You may lose some attempts at meeting people, girls, etc. but you will also win some. You can't go through life avoiding all loss and hurt. Stop trying, and do an about face. You only go through life once, so appreciate each day as a new beginning, and make something of yourself. You will be noticed for having the courage to try, regardless of the outcome of your efforts. And you will be respected, and you will have a lot to talk to this girl about. Laugh at your failures, and be willing to share them with others so they can share your embarrassment, and sadness at a loss. It is easy for other people to hear about your mistakes, than to dwell on their own. But if they find someone who can laugh at mistakes and losses, and learns to tell the stories involved so that they are humorous, they will relax, and share their own mistakes with you, so that you can have a good laugh, too.
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