A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so im 18 yrs old and im really confused because a couple of weeks ago me and my boyfriend had a huge fight and he walked out on me and told me it was over and i thought it was. so that night i was a real mess and got really drunk and i called up a guy i used to have sex with alot and he came over and we slept together, but when i saw my boyfriend the next day he acted like every thing was fine and like we had never broke up. Even now we are broken up i haven't got the heart to tell him i slept with some one else and i feel terrible, but im not even sure if i should feel bad because he said it was over so my question to all of you is , "is what i done counted as cheating and should i feel as terrible as i should, and should i tell my ex boyfriend the truth" because i really did love him more than anything and i truly didnt want to hurt him. pleaseeeee help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Very simple: YES, you have cheated.When we are angry, we say things we do not mean. Come on, you are not a toddler, do I need to explain this?Also, even if your boyfriend meant it, how little did you have to care about him to give up on your relationship the very same minute? And if he did that, suuuurely you would still be all philosophical and defensive. Right? No. You have cheated. Didn't take little for you to give up on him, so why do you even care?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Yes you cheated. Simple. And you know it as well.If every woman runs around and have sex with other men when she has a fight with her hb/boyfriend/fiance .... Can u see where I am going with this?A few harsh words,raised voices, plentiful tears is part of life. The fights and the make up/break up/get back together again is part of what a relationship is all about.Stop trying to convince yourself.Stop trying to use analytical psychology.Cheating is cheating.And you did cheat.Plain and simple.No fuss.No drama.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 You should tell him, just to clarify your guilt and maybe be forgiven. If you don't tell him and just have hide behind excuses you will weaken yourself in your future. Deep down you know you've been a cheap slut, you know that if your boyfriend had done that to you, you'll be hurt and criticize him. You know you deserve the same.Be brave, face your guilt. Tell him the truth and how you regret it.He will get angry.But in the end he'll realise you you have been at least honest with him.
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 What is wrong with you? Seriously. If you had any intention of still having a possibility of a relationship then you wouldn't have hooked up with a FWB. Drunk or not, there are NO excuses regardless of how you try to justify things. I mean seriously, practically the day of your fight you go and get stuffed with another penis? You just proved why he dumped and/or fought with you to begin with and/or should dump you. Regardless of the fight you need to come clean 100%, for the relationship, and for physical human safety regarding STDs. He needs to know what you're capable of and to decide if that's the kind of person with whom which he wants to be in a relationship. If I was him, you'd be officially dumped and I wouldn't look back. The proverbial nail in the coffin. If he still wants to work on being with you then consider yourself fortunate. If that's what you really want of course. I'd wonder why he'd even want to if that was the case. Chances are you don't know what you really want and are ruled by your emotions. Think a little next time. Even if I was a potential future boyfriend of yours and I heard that about you I would want to run, unless of course I was like many other guys and just want a FWB situation, which you already have. Just using you for the between the sheets action. Anyway, not in my value system. That you so easily and quickly become intimate with another guy just shows how little being intimate with someone means to you IMO of course. If your "boyfriend" wants sloppy seconds then he needs to know it first. As opposed to you deceiving him or conveniently not mentioning it. I mean most wouldn't even imagine that you could strike so fast in that regard. Again, your actions indicate you couldn't care less about him, so don't pretend to. I think you need to mature a great deal and to learn to think before you do things. Frankly, you've proven you're not ready for a relationship and your experiences thus far just show how easily you can engage in sexual behavior with someone whom which you are not in a relationship. Hopefully you were wise enough to take some safety precautions, but even that is not foolproof in the least.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Simply, it was over and should stay "over". There is no going back from this. Just watch "Friends" to see what a mess it does. It ain't funny. Your guy friend doesn't sound nice either if he's willing to just jump in bed with you after you've just broken up. Sounds to me, ya ex is better of without you, if you have to question such things. Not only his feelings, but the guilt you're carrying for yourself. Don't tell him, but move on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Technically it's not cheating because you were broken up.
Should you feel bad? Well that depends on how it would affect your boyfriend if he found out. Do you think he would feel hurt? Do you think he would be fine with it based on a technicality?
OP no one can tell you what you should or should not do in this situation. Only you can decide ho best to move forward because you know him and you know what he would want and that's what you should do. If this is something you think he'd want to know then the only chance you have to save this relationship is to come clean. If he finds out from someone else then you don't stand a chance because lies on top of this are almost worse than the act itself.
Personally I think the emotional state you were in means this can be put down as a mistake and can be resolved. If it were me I would like to know but I'd also dump you and never look back. Don't have sex with your boyfriend until you tell him, if you're going to. The last thing you want to do is risk giving him an STD. No form of protection is 100% fool proof so don't risk that on top of everything else. Plus the idea of getting with a girl who was recently with another guy is not something most of us guys like the idea of.
Good luck OP, I hope this works out for you. If you come clean then you have a chance if you add lies to this then you don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): if you were together, you cheated. If you weren't, you didn't. You need to clarify with him what was going on at that time, then you will know.If you are not together anymore, would you really want to tell him about that night and risk hurting him even more?
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A
female
reader, LeiLu84  +, writes (3 April 2011):
Usually, especially when your young, the line "it's over, we're done," pops up quite frequently. I would never make the mistake of actually believing it right away. Guys at your age don't know how to deal with the pressure, and that's always going to be the first thing out of their mouth. I was dating a 30 year old, and he stilled pulled that act. I know it hurts, and feels real at the time... but that's a mistake a lot of us make. I would say if you really love him, depending on how understanding he is, it's a win/lose situation. He may hold your "cheating" over your head, and it might flair to calling you names that will make you even more upset than you are. If he's worth it, try telling him what happened. If he is willing to work things out after your terrible mistake, than he just might be worth your time as well. Tempers flair, and things are sometimes said out of pure anger. If he understands that, he's worth your time being upset over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): You arent even together anymore so no do not tell him! this is your guilt, not his
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