A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:With pain and in tears I'm writing this, feeling like my world has been torn to pieces. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We are both young (20 and 21), probably too youngh but it did work out well, we both love each other deeply and we still do. I was his 3rd girlfriend, and he was my first. We became really close, and not just lovers but also as best friends, and our entire families are together as one big united family. Almost every day we spend time together, until he wanted a break of a few weeks whereafter we got back together again. During these 5 years he has cheated (minor) on me 3 times, and the first and second time I was able to forgive, but now the third just struck me hard because he does not want to stop! It was then that my boyfriend told me that this girl did not mean anything to him, but that he did want to go out and fool around with her (or any other girl), because he wanted to experience other people. But then again, he says he loves me very much and wants to be with me in the long term, as the woman of his dreams. He doesn't know what to do: he wants to be with me, but still wants to experience other people without hurting me only for a couple of months.I love him with all my heart, and I have not been able to accept this decision, as it came very abruptly. I have always been there for him, in good and bad times, and believe me, no-one will ever be able to be for him like I did and he knows that. After 5 years I am still completely crazy about him, more and more each day and I do not feel the need to experience other boys.I feel like I can't deal with this, it just breaks my heart. I can't sleep, can't eat, and I just don't see the point in getting out of bed. Why after everything I've done for him, and if he really loves me, why doesn't he just want some space from me without breaking up and without seeing other girls but just to focus on himself. By letting him fool around with other girls until he's had enough and wants to be with me I feel like being disrespected, but I'm very crazy about him. What should I do? Can I in some way convince him not to? Or should I accept and just forget him even though I feel this is the love of mt life and I woudn't want him to be with any one else?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Hooray, girl!
Good for you! Enjoy the Netherlands... I'm jealous, I wish I could go!!
xxIndia
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter about 6 months later, I am back giving an update! We are still broken up, even though we stayed friends. That's a very hard thing to do, especially if you know that he and this girl are still "Dating", and that their "relationship" is getting more and more public.
But despite it all, I am pretty much ok. I still love him, but I think I made the right choice. I didn;t stop seeing him, I stood by his side after everything he did to me, but that has brought me even more pain, but I think it has given me the best results. Now, I know that I love him but I see who he has become, and I realize each and every day that he is not the same guy I fell in love with. Now i can be with him as a friend, without wanting to desperately get back with him.
In about 3 weeks I am leaving to the Netherlands, which is a whole new continent, 9 hours away from where I am now. I just want to leave as soon as possible, to start a new life. He will also go, and that is a thought that makes me smile. I know that in the end, I will be the one he will be running back to, and that's the moment where he will finally realize that there are temporary people in your life, and there are permanent people, thatare not in your life for your posessions or fame, but for who you are. That girl is not going to the Netherlands, and so he will be all alone there, and I am 100% sure he will miss me, he allready does now even though we see each other every day.
What I have learned from everything was that you are the one that decides how you feel. I spent january and februaru and march entirely on my bed, only crying and not eating and drinking anything. I;ve lost a lot of kilo's, but after some months I realized that it's all in your mind, it's a psychological thing. You can just shut down your 'love' feelings for a while, and in the mean time you can fake a smile, until the moment comes that that smile is not fake anymore. As time goes by, you get acustomized to the way things are, and it kind of makes you feel ok. I know that I am going to find someone better.
For the people who are in the situation I was in, just remember this quote:
'Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, hour, day or a year, but eventually it will subside and something or someone else will take it's place'.
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A
female
reader, ramseyer +, writes (10 January 2007):
Well I think you got that mixed up. Im a girl and your boyfriend has every right to think what he is because what you explained is what i feel and whats going on with my boyfriend just vise versa! And ya its hard I want to be with my boyfriend because I love him, but I want to see different people to see if someone else can make me happy. But if i cant then i truely know my boyfriend is the one! And that is what your boyfriend is feeling. He loves you so much but he wonders if there is a possible chance someone else can make him happy not that you cant, but that just means hes having mixed feelings.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 January 2007):
Hey sweetness - again,
Okay, I don't think his mother is right in saying that all men are unfaithful. And no, I don't think you should stay with him and allow him to go out and play around on the sly. No. No. If he's with you, he is with YOU. And no exceptions.
Being single and exploring yourself is important. But when in a relationship, loyalty and devotion are crucial. I think a break might be healthy for you, but do NOT stay with him and let him be unloyal to you. If you decide to take a break, it needs to be a mutual decision.
Keep that in mind, sweetie. You're a good girl who needs to be treated with repect.
xxIndia (again)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers, I know you are all right about it, I guess I'm too crazy about him that I denied the truth about what I should do just to find other options for us to be together as we used to be: happy. We talked it over and over again, and even though I do understand he wants to experience other people due to his youngh age and the amount of years we've spent together, he still wants to go on with his plan, hoping that after a while we will be back together (maybe).
But, he told me that another option would be to stay together, and I would just accept what he's going through and just go out with other girls and do stuff without me knowing it, so I will not find about it and so I won't get hurt. I talked to his mother about that (who knows him very well) and she knows it's an egoistic way, but she also believes that's the right way. She thinks that every man is unfaithful and that almost every woman just accepts that is she loves him, knowing that he can be with a lot of woman but that I am the one he loves and come's home to. She says that's the way she's done it, that's the way they do it in telenovelas and she thinks that if a woman really loves a man, she should just accept reality that he WILL have affairs but still come back to me. Is this true?? If it is, why does it just not seem or feel right to me?? Why do I feel that I can't go on knowing that while I'm waiting for him at home, he's with someone else, and why does he and his family think that's the way it should be??
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 January 2007):
Oh, sweetness.
I'm so sorry.
I can see where he's coming from. He's been seeing you since he was 15-16? So both of you have been in a really serious and committed relationship with each other during the time most other people are dating around and figuring out more about themselves and what they really want in a partner.
He probably just wants some time to experience life as a single guy, and I think it might be all right for you to experience life as a single girl.
My high school sweetheart and I did that when we left high school. We had been together for a long time and when it came time to go to college, we decided that it would be best if we took some time to ourselves. I wanted to make sure that I was ABSOLUTELY the girl for him, because he hadn't really dated before more. And I wanted to make sure he was ABSOLUTELY the guy for me.
Being apart from each other, all though difficult ended up making our lives much, much happier.
However, I can also understand how this would really hurt YOU. Sending your guy off so he can have a few months of his jollies and then he'll be back sounds like a really awful thing to go through.
Honey, it does sound like he cares about you and wants to be with you in the long term. However, making a huge commitment like that at such a young age without having time to yourself first sounds tricky too.
I know you're hurting, and I feel for you. All though I don't think your boyfriend is being very sensitive right now, I think he's sort of on the right track. I don't think you both need to take a break from each other and try to hook up with a bunch of people. No. No.
I think that you might say to each other, okay. We have 4-6 months (or whatever time period). Let's just take time to ourselves and make sure that we're really supposed to be with each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Looking back on this advice, I still agree with myself, but I'm still a little dubious. I don't know. I hope I helped you a little bit. Hmmm...
In the end, you'll be fine and whoever you're supposed to end up with, you'll end up with. Your life will be happy and satisfying if you let it!! :o)
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 Ouch we all know the pain your going through. You are both young and I think that your boyfriend was being honest with you about wanting to experience other girls and to be honest at your age I think that is natural. But not if he is supposed to be in a loving relationship with you, as you say you don't want anyone else and he should be happy and to be honest grateful he has you! He has already cheated on you 3 times (however minor - cheating is cheating) and you have taken him back, if you were planning on staying together long term then I'm afraid to say it he will ALWAYS cheat on you. When you got your first house, marriage, kids etc. and you honey deserve SO much more. you love him with all your heart and soul and t doesn't help that your families are close, time is a great healer and i know right now you don't believe me but it is. It may take you a long long time to get over this guy and you may never love anyone the same way again because he is your first love, but they are called first loves for a reason because you have more then one you just love them differently.
I would say to your guy that you are willing to give him space, and that if he choses to see other girls then your relationship is over. I know this maybe the hardest thing you have ever done, but he has the choice and you need to have the pride and self respect to let him go if he choses to see other people.
Take care and let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (6 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Oh angel. The only one thing this guys stated to you that is absolutely true is the fact that you are "long term" material. You are, in fact, such a gem to keep. Long term. And he knows this. Honey, you have a wonderful heart that is full of trust. I feel that is because YOU trust so much. I know you want him so badly that you can almost taste it...but you must ask yourself "What the heck is MINOR cheating?" Uh uh. No way. This is the way that I see it. He wants to sow his wild oats before he commits. All the while he knows that you are there waiting for him. ONLY because he KNOWS that you will not cheat...err...not even in a MINOR way. Sadly to say, I feel, that you need to ditch the "comfort" zone and move on to someone new. Someone with the same morals and values that you have. Your values are REAL. Don't even think they are not! And do not let someone take them away from you. You know, when I was 22 years old, I fell in love BIG TIME. He believed that FREE LOVE was cool...but...HE LOVED ME. Uh huh. As much as I loved him, I broke up with him. It took (I won't lie), a bit over a year to get over him, but I did. And after 4 years (yes 4 years)he crawled up to my door with his sorry self...UH....I Don't Think So Scooter!!! Haha....he was pathetic! No job, piece of junk car, no haircut self...ugh. Girl, you deserve SOOOO much more. You remind me so much of me at that age...MOVE THE HECK ON!! Do it!! You will be proud of yourself. I AM! Good luck sweetie. Don't settle for less...everyone deserves the best and NOT second guess their relationship.
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