A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I guess what I'm really looking for is affirmation that I did the right thing. I think I did, but it takes one varying opinon to make me reconsider what I did.Anyhow, I've been seeing this guy (not seriously for 3-years). I have dated and "hooked up" with people in the meantime and so has he I was assuming. All the while, I still had feelings for him.Lately he has been so attentive compared to how he used to be so he was kind of giving me mixed signals and I am getting over the "having fun" phase and would like to settle down. He's gone out of his way to do things for me and I for him. He even told me after a date we had this last weekend that we "connect" and he likes that because he hasn't with previous girlfriends, he used an example in which he said her name and where she's from.As I'm sure a lot of us are guilty of, I've seen her comment on a photo on his FB page (I'm not friends with him on it) but I didn't know she was his ex at that time. I looked at her photos last night since it's not on private and I see pics of them together from June. Of course, I get a knot in my stomach and am not happy about this.I decided to ask him today if he's been hooking up with other people and he said he has and asked if I was too. I told him not for a while but I can't keep seeing him if he's going to keep hooking up with other girls, I don't want worry about STD's or about getting hurt. He agreed but does the typical thing of wanting to stay "friends." I told him that I don't do that and what's done is done, but he insisted that I still let him know how I'm doing because he thought we had a closer friendship.I don't plan on contacting him because I want to lose all emotional feelings I have for him--I do care about him and I am sad about the situation. But a lady I was talking to about this said I should have left it alone since he's been more attentive and sometimes it "takes some people longer"...but I disagree. It's been 3-years and he admitted today he's not the type to get married; not to mention he's just not stable and really not what I'm looking for in a potential husband. I'm not being too hard on him, right? I need to move on and find someone that can commit to me and not waste my time on some "project" that may never turn out in my favor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the input.
I still care about him so when one person tells me, "Well, you should have waited," I'm like crap! But really, it's for the best (and I've actually been a lot less upset than I thought I was going to be!). I honestly, don't know why I even have any deeper feelings for him than I should. Sometimes I think it's just insecurity issues or afraid of actually having a meaningful relationship. But it's time. I've definitely learned from this and hope I can meet someone that I'm looking for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): You did the right thing. You moved one. Its about time. He is still fooling around. Let him be. The fact that you guys are a little closer now, means nothing, its just that you know each other for quite a bit, and things progressed. I don't think they will progress sit him to the point that he would want to be exclusive just with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): Yeah you did the right thing. He will remember you though one day when he is ready to settle down. My own brother is 54 and has been dating or living de facto with a few women and he is still single. In some guys the "settling down" instinct never kicks in. I wish that I have found a guy like that and just had NSA fun. I am not the "settling down" type of woman, but I did get married out of financial need and never liked it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 September 2012):
 you so did the right thing...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Yes, I think it was the right thing to do. I also think that in general FWB is the dumbest idea for people to get into. For the simple reason that VERY few people are able to actually keep emotions out of such a relationship.
3 Years is a long to to have wasted on a guy who liked you for sex, but didn't like you well enough for a relationship.
Let it go and remember how it made you feel next time you met a guy. Don't settle for something you really don't want, in hopes that the guy will magically understand what you want an need.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Of course you did the right thing, and I am surprised you need confirmation, after 3 years. It's a bit like you asked " My feet hurt, and I figured out it must be because I was driving a hammer to my toes, so I stopped. Did I do the right thing ? ".
FWBs are not for everybody , and they can work only as long as everybody keeps jealousy, expectations and emotional attachment out of the frame , i.e. : basically almost never.
He did not do anything wrong by hooking up with other women, whether they were exes or new entries, because FWBs are not about monogamy and committment. If you could handle sharing him, then you could have stayed . If you could not handle it and it was causing pain, as it did, then you had to stop. Simpler than that....
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 You 100% did the right thing, this has been going on for 3 years and you are just wasting your time.
Learn your lesson - dont get into a FWB if you have feelings for the man that are stronger than a simple friendship. If you like a guy, dont allow yourself to fall into a FWB situation otherwise you will end up hurt and wishing it came to more. If you become a FWB a guy will never see you as girlfriend material, he will only ever think of you as a friend who is good in bed.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Hi
Yes, you did the right thing,as you said,your ready for a proper relationship now, he's been honest with you and told you he is not. 3 years is long enough to know whats what for you both.
No need to stay in contact, just move on and smile when you think of him. Good luck
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