A
male
age
26-29,
*lassfivebaby
writes:Im afraid of being left. Im tired of the nervousness, im tired of losing sleep, im tired of realizing im most likely overreacting but I cant help it. Ive been dating my girlfriend for 7 months today and we have a long distance relationship. We make it work even though sometimes its hard but we make do. She gets stressed out sometimes because she has a big school work load and she felt like I wanted too much attention which I didnt. She told me she didnt feel like she loved me anymore so we talked about it and things are better now. Were back to loving each other but im just so afraid of getting left. The thought of her being with another guy just makes me sick. I dont know what to do. Help? Anything please.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Let me recap this:
You are 16/17 years old (that’s young btw)
Dating 7 months (not a long period of time)
In an LDR (I am assuming it’s an ONLINE relationship that you have never met in person)
SHE felt like you wanted too much attention… why was that… you say you didn’t but something you said or did made her feel that way right? What was it?
SHE said she didn’t feel like she loved you any more… this made you insecure… but to be honest I doubt it’s love for either of you…
You are afraid of being left.
What would happen if she left?
Why are you afraid of being left?
I’m going to be honest…
If you have never met in real life
If you are more than an hour apart as teenagers
Then I do not think you have a lot of hope for this relationship going the distance….
Just too many things against you.
I was in an LDR from December 2010 to January 2012 when he gave up his apartment and moved to a different state to be with me.
Things we had going for us that made it work:
1. We knew each other in real life before we opted to be boyfriend and girlfriend
2. We were not serious about each other when we started. It was fun and games so that let us relax and enjoy our time…
3. We were only 2 hours apart by car and we both had cars and money to put gas in them (and pay the tolls back and forth)
4. We had enough time to devote to each other (in fact once we got serious in March of 2011 we were together every weekend and sometimes 3-4 nights a week)
5. We were settled enough in our lives to figure out that we wanted to make it work full time and have an end in sight
These are the things an LDR needs:
1. Trust (you don’t have it)
2. Honesty (are you being honest with her or do you hold back because she said she needs time and space and may not love you any more)
3. Communication (seems like you have it)
4. Time together (how often can you see each other, how often have you been together?)
5. A plan to end the distance… (no more than 2-3 years is my ideal but with school it could be longer)
I’m sorry my news is not good… but with your insecurity and possibly demanding time from her and her already saying once she was not in love with you, this does not look good.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 September 2012):
LDRs usually last 6-12 months before something must be done to rectify the situation, or the situation will rectify itself....
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A
male
reader, Classfivebaby +, writes (20 September 2012):
Classfivebaby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe plan is to go to college together and ill stay in california and if things continue to work then we would get married hopefully. We have really good chemistry together. I've never felt this comfortable and felr more understood with anyone in my life. I zgree I am probably being too clingy but im just afraid if I leave her alone too often she won't love me anymore and leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): Relationships are an important commitment, and especially long distance relationships. LDR's are hard work for the best of us, as they demand a lot more of our faith, trust and patience. Not to mention the time and money to make the long regular journeys to see each other.
At the ages of 16-17, I don't think its an ideal situation for you both. At this age, relationships aren't made to be taken seriously, its more a case of testing the waters, getting a little taste of what a relationship is. At this age, they rarely stand the test of time anyway.
People grow up, change and drift in different directions in life once they discover where they should be and what they want to do. Its important to be on the same page as each other in a relationship, but you both don't even seem to be reading from the same book.
You both sound like you're in two different worlds, she seems more concerned about her education and future than she does a relationship at this time, and you seem like you have far too much time on your hands to concentrate on relationships and making them your priority, rather than worry about your education and future.
Overall, you're both coming from this at different angles and are clashing.
If you want to stand a chance of making this work, you need to take a step back, acknowledge that she IS your girlfriend, but at the same time realize that the relationship should NOT be your ONLY priority in life.
The way I see it, you're coming across too clingy for her, and this will only push her away sooner rather than later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): I'm in an LDR and I can tell you, it's really rough. No one wants to think of the person they love being with someone else. Don't think about such things, you'll only feel worse. Your very young so in all honesty so you might want to seriously consider where this relationship is heading. A LDR USUALLY only works when you feel serious about the person (marriage), and you intend on making the distance temporary, by either her or you moving in together. Anything less and an LDR isn't worth it. It's too much time, energy, financial strain, etc. Remember, life doesn't come without pain, however you WILL move on from being hurt one way or another. but living in fear of it is no way to live.
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