A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:The e-mail she sent me:I don't know right now if we are in a relationship or just friends or even nothing. But i feel necessary to send you this mail. About the hurt feeling i gave you, i'm sorry about it. I know you have a lot of questions you would like to ask, dont bother to ask your friends for advice, i will answer all of them by myself.You would like to know after you've been trying so hard to be a better man for me, why i still hurt you. The answer is easy. Broken heart is hard to be mended. As long as i talk about the past, you stopped me. Past has been passed, which is true, but the hurt feeling will never be gone. You said you gonna be a better man, but i'm not sure if you will be the man i want. I mean just for an example, i hate people smoking or drinking, until now you are still doing it. Before i was totally the loser in front of you, who can be down on my knees and beg but you still ignore. You know how many mistakes you made and how badly you hurt me. Firstly your ex, you have no courage to tell her to get out of your life. You'd rather see me getting hurt than talk to her to stop bothering you, which i can hardly accept. Later your lifestyle totally upset me. You smoke drink hang out, sometimes lie to me, ignore my dignity. Then you broke your promise. So i really dont think i can forgive everything. Now you are too far away and you ask me to wait, dont you think you should give me some guarantee? You even have no idea when can you be back, why should i always trust you? You promised me to quit smoking, you promised me not to hang out, until the time you left China, did you achieve any of them? Dont say 2 years is too shout for you to make a change. In love, i dont need a boy to change for me, he just needs to fit me, love is about love the person who he is, the good side and the shortcomings too. I see you are not the right type for me, the way of doing things and the way of thinking, so i dont need you to change for me anymore, you should find someone who loves you, loves your lifestyle and your habits. Maybe im not the one. Another reason is, seems my family can hardly accept you as a foreigner. My life my job and my everything will be here in China, it's hard for me to live in a totally different country even for 1 month. It's true that i've never tried, but this is me,i know myself really well, and this is why i quit my plan for studying aboard. You ask me to look on the bright side, tell me what bright side do i have to look? The vague future you promise me? Or the better man in the future? I believe the things i see with my eyes. The things i even cant see, i cant tell it's true.You would like to know why i took off my rings. The truth is i took a shower and was preparing for going out, i was in a hurry so just forgot the ring beside the mirror. That day you saw me wearing it, i was wearing all the time even when i felt sad about this relationship.You would like to know whom did i go to the zoo with. i was with the brother i will never have in my life, who can share everything with me. He is the one who really cares about me, from Anderson, to my high-school gossips, to you, everything he knows. I never think about being his gf and he never thinks of being my bf. The friendship is pure and real.You would like to know why i stop contacting you. Indeed, my life needs more personal space. My school here is busy and i always wanna be the top, so im working hard. At least i remember to send you ecards, you said they are just a thank-you for yours, dont you think it's too harsh? the May Day card i chose an ecard with the honey bee, both of us know i spent time and heart on choosing it. You still blame me that i dont contact. By contact you mean daily several phone call bombs? Sorry i cant do it. Before i did, you said you feel tired that i called you so many times a day so i stopped. If you never complain why i dont contact you, maybe we still can go some way, now i think to be friends is better. But if you can come back one day and really be the nice man im looking for, i'm willing to restart with you. Now let's just give each other a break.I know you can never forget all of your former girlfriends, unluckily i may be one of them someday. But you will be in my heart forever too. All the good things in you, your kind heart, your nice offer, and our old days, i do miss everything. I wanted to end this relationship for many times already, but i didnt have courage. I think you understand how much you mean to me. Though sad moments we had, you did bring me sweet moments that i can hardly forget. once i was really hoping you would marry me, giving me the happiest life in the world, i was really hoping. Now all i want you is to work harder and be smarter. Find a life best for you. When we both grow up, no matter how we are, you are married or not, i look forward to meeting you again...And the second e-mail, just several minutes difference:i do miss the old days, i do miss it so much... Please forever save a place for me in your heart. I really want you to be good and realize all your dreams...And the e-mail i'd like to send to her:First of all, what i'll write here hopefully you won't misunderstand anything and all the sentences are coming from my heart and just wanted you to know more and understand more that how i am and don't wanna make argument with you, there's no need to make argument again i think, while i'm just trying to be better and it's up to you that you accept it or not. Secondly, seem you finished the relationship with me already so i think i don't need to comment about this now even i really want but as you said you need space and i'm giving you as much as possible and because i don't want you to think too much, i'm respecting you that you wanna work hard, be the top in the class so i'll step back. But never say that i blamed you because you didn't contact me, you can even just text me just one time a day, like saying good morning or whatever, i don't think i asked too much but if you think it is then i have nothing to say but as i said i seriously would like to step back so that you can have more time to think about your life, about your future, about everything, won't disturb you. you said broken heart is hard to mended, then the first time when you broke my heart it wasn't difficult for me to mended? Especially if you cheated me but you can see i could forgave you because i love you more than anything in this world. During the time when i was with you, i never ever cheated you, never think of anything to do any thing like that to make you hurt, make you jealous, make you sad. All i'm trying to do is to make you happy, make you satisfy, make you proud. I know from my heart very well that i did a lot of mistakes before and all i asked from you is if you still have that heart then forgive me, i truly regret them. You don't know how bad i feel about it. And i think you shouldn't be upset with me because i asked you for help because i was a foreigner, i was in foreign country, been living there for more than 5 years but still had some difficulties with the language and you are there more than 21 years so it's a huge different. I didn't mean that you never helped, you did a lot of times and i'm really so thankful for that, this is one of the reason that i still love you. You said one time that love, love deeply, forget, forget thoroughly. I remember all of your sentences you told me before, i put them into my heart. Maybe i didn't show it off but my heart always pay attention to you and listening to you. I just don't know why you can't see the good side of mine like when i asked for advice from my friends.... You can't see i'm asking because i really would like to make this relationship better, would like to do something to make you happier? Or just thinking my bad side all the time? You don't think what i've done to you? Actually i don't really need you to think what i've done to you because what i did it was coming from my heart all the time and because i love you so i don't need you to see that because it can be like a gift or surprise to you. I've never ask anything from you and won't ask you in the future, i mean if i like something then i don't need you to buy it or do it for me. All i just want to hear from you just like before so that i know you're fine. You don't know how much i do worry about you, thinking of you, thinking how to do something, how to say something that can make you happy, feeling great, feeling better so like when you're exhausted, feeling tired because of having so many classes. I never ever felt tired when you called me a lot of times before, in my heart was really happy all the time. Probably you don't believe it but you should know one thing that if i say something all about emotion, all about love are coming from my heart deeply. I never liked to play with the emotion, with love. Do you know why i stopped you talking about the past? Not because i'm afraid of them because if we truly love each other then we'll try to be better, think about present, about future, make it better, we did mistake but we'll learn from it and if we see the mistakes that we did and admit it then it's really good but we can't always rely on the past forever. Everybody's learning, everyday. If we always think about the past then we can't make any progress, we can't think clearly about the future. About smoking, drinking let me tell you the truth i don't smoke that much like before, even drinking, maximum i drink one or two bottles only but not everyday, only when there's a celebration or something like this, not like drinking crazily like before, i've stopped for a while already. And the promised that i gave you i'll do it, you asked me that to give all this things up before getting married and we have talked about this that time, i'll give all up at least half a year before it or 1 year even. Tell me when did i think that you were looser? I've never think of that, never ignored you. I just needed times to think all the things over, make myself calm down because i didn't want to make more arguments, i mean go more deeply because it would just hurt us. Please think that i went out because i didn't want to hurt you, just wanted to make myself calm down and come back with the clear mind to show you more care, to show my love to you, to take care of you, to encourage you so that you can do something successfully. You know if my mind is still not clear then how can i say something that to make you happy? How can i do something that so you can do something very well? People with unclear mind can't do anything, remember this. When i came back and when i said i just can't leave you, i mean it from my heart because i knew that if i say something like this you'll feel better, make you happier so that you can continue to do your things better, all the things i've said always came from my heart. When i said i just can't leave you i mean it, i seriously can't leave you, never wanted to leave you, meaning exactly that you're in my heart and would like to give you what i can so that you don't have to worry about so many things and i'll always be beside you, always stand by your side. Have you ever think that when i wanted to be with you but you pushed me away? There were sometimes like that but i've never think of this because i respect you, i can understand you wanna do something, you wanna be yourself a little. No matter what mistakes you've done to me i'll forgive and forget because i just love you so much that can't leave you out there maybe sometimes i remember them but never ever will say it out because it would just hurt you or making you feel sad but i forgot them totally already. I was always ready to surrender something so that you can feel better. You mentioned that i didn't have courage to talk to my ex girlfriend to get out of my life then let me tell you i've done it before, just needed times to make everything clear so that later won't be a problem for us. I'm not like a machine that can change something right away, to make something better need times, need patience. What did i lie to you? Like i went to a place but i went to another place? It wasn't lie really, i just didn't tell you because i didn't want you to worry about me so much. Do you know what is real lie? Like when i tell you i go out with my friends but no, i go out with a girl, dating her or whatever. you always knew that whom i was with, always knew that where i went to, never hide anything from you, if i didn't say it then it doesn't mean i lied to you. Don't you think that if the people who's successful around me, giving me some way to be better then i can't do it? I can't be better? It's up to you that which bride sight you wanna look, you can look what i did, how i can be, why i'm saying all these, how much i'm trying hard to be able to give you something what you want in the future. And do you think that i really tell you to wait for me because i want you to waste time on me? If i don't want this relationship anymore then i can end it, if i don't value this relationship then i won't bother to tell you all these, won't put any effort into it. If i don't want this relationship why should i bother talking to you? Why should i explain all these things to you? Because i truly want you, i truly love you, i truly would like to share my life with you, i truly believe that we can work this out but we need to have faith, patience. About being together, i mean in your family eyes that they hardly accept me it always gonna be your decision whom you'll be with as long as they can see you're happy. All the family in this world want the best for their child but when it's coming to marriage and when they see you have something in your hand then they won't say it anymore because they can see you can make the right decision, you can stand on your own foot. Yeah, everything will be there for you but when you take off your holiday time then you could come see the new world, see new people so that you'll get more experience. When you learn something, when you see something it always gonna be yours, always gonna be good for you, always gonna be your advantage. Think like this there's one person who never experienced anything before but you did then you'll be better than that person, it'll be benefit for you, for your future, you'll understand more. You don't need to tell me what you did or whom you went out with because as long as it can make you happy then do it. Sorry but you're wrong about when you said i'm just feeling thanks to you when you sent me those e-cards. I felt really happy about them, i felt you did with your heart. If it doesn't mean anything to me then why should i reply? Why should i send you as well? Because they mean a lot to me when you're doing such kind of this things. What you asked me is contact everyday and i tried my best to do it, even not because you asked me because i'd like to let you know that i'm here, i'm here still to take care of you even if you're far away from me, just as i said because i wanted to know you're fine, everything is ok with you. Really sorry if i wanted to take care of you but you didn't want, maybe it was too much for you. I should blame myself that i did this? I never think in my mind that to disturb you, not giving you space or anything like this. Anyway i don't want you to contact me if you don't want, i've stepped back already, giving what you want. Hoping everything will go well with you and you can get what you want. To be friends with you, i'm sorry i can't do it because it would just make me suffer when i'm in love with you. Why do you still want me to save space in my heart for you forever when you end the relationship with me? Anyway i'll think about it. Right now just continue do your things. When you're ready you can talk to me again. And the last thing probably you're right that i can't forget about my former girlfriends then why are you still talking to me? you didn't even forgive me and forget then please don't come to me even i want so much but the things won't work out like this. You don't trust me, you don't believe me then i think there's not necessary for me to talk to you because no matter how many times i'll say something you won't believe it. Anyway i still do love you so much, i don't know about you but i don't need your answer if you don't wanna do it right now. Like i said when you're ready you can talk to me again. Wish you good luck in your school! Please help me analyzing these e-mails. I want her back but don't know it's a good e-mail or not... Or even can push her away. Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (6 May 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhatToDo123,
Could u tell help me by analyzing her e-mail? I mean what does she want? What does she mean? Does she give me that chance to prove to her that i can be better? And i guess i'll think about how to reply to her or maybe just ignore it when i called her already? How often should i call her now? Does she really mean it when she said she needs space? Thanks in advance!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I just finished a 10hour conversation with a close friend of mine whom recently fell for me and already has a boyfriend, so I’m feeling VERY drained here and I can’t give any solid advice in my current condition. Even so, I’ll do what I can to help…You don’t need me to write or say anything for you. You have it within you, you shown that. But if you still need that extra boost:----------------------------------------All I can say is, I love you, always have always will. I want to be part of your life I want you to be part of mine. I’m always happy beyond words to hear from you. For whatever reason you contact me it’ll always bring happiness. I want you to be happy, in whatever you pursue in life. I want nothing but for you to be happy and I hope we can both share in that happiness when we’re both ready. I’ll always be there for if when you need me. If you ever think of me, know that I’m right there with you, all though the bad and the good. You can use this but you must modify it into your own words and your own feelings. Use this as a guide. I can’t make this any better as only you know her and know how to approach this. You can do it man. Have faith in yourself.Good Luck.Now, I really need to hit the sack before I keel over…
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (5 May 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhatToDo123,
Please help me out! She replied me to that e-mail, what should i write to her? I have no idea how to reply now. Even today she sent me a message saying that i can call her or not because she misses my voice. And i called her and we just talked normally and she said by herself that baby, i miss u. After that i said really? And she said yeah. And i asked her do u love me? And she said uhm.... And i changed the topic and asked did she have lunch? And she said yeah after that she asked me did u go out with any girl? Did i make love with them? And in kidding way i said yeah and she said u see, u're so bad (she didn't mean it, i mean she was also just kidding).... But after that i said of course not, i didn't do it. Why is she asking me sometimes that i went to see any girl or not? And later on when i hanged up the phone, told her that i have a meeting then few minutes later she sent me a message that it's so good to heart ur voice sometimes. Hoping u'll be better and when we both grow up, know how to take responsibility then we'll together. Good luck to u! And i said thanks, and can u be like before? Showing me ur care? Love me? And she said right now maybe i can't. Just try hard to be better. And i said ok, then let's make a deal... We both will work on ourself for the better future but sometimes when we miss each other, feel says love u then let's contact each other, shall we? I mean sometimes if we miss each other then just contact each other and ask how we r. And she said i can contact her anytime i want, i need to prepare
Baby, i've got ur email. I just hope u will be better in everything. Right now i cannot promise u anything but i do know u love me much. I think after all these 2 years, whether i love u or not, i will always want u to get happiness. U want the same for me right? If i can get happiness, u will wish me all the best from ur heart? I never wanted to hurt u, im just confused bcz i dont know whom i will meet or what may happen in the future. Now just work hard and try to grow up first. When we r both ready to take responsibility, we'll somehow get together again. I dont know if i txt u this period of time, will u feel sad? Or do u wanna communicate just sometimes by email? I want u to be happy too...
Thanks for the nice pics, i've seen ur 4 childhood pics on facebook. I always concern about u privately by checking ur status on facebook. U looked similar as u r now in the pics and u r cute baby. Just plz take care of urself. U changed me a lot too, bcz of u i started to like Kinder Chocolate, Chanel perfume. Every time i see those things u will come up to my mind. I think u know i do love u even u did those bad things to me. These days i couldnt sleep well. I was thinking about u too. And our old memories together. Remember whether we'll be a couple finally or not, i will wish u happiness from my heart. U r really special to me.
PS. this donkey is my new baby, i bought it by myself. He's with me every moment. Does he look cute? Am i beautiful? im doing makeup everyday now, hopefully i will have a good mood every morning even without u beside me. When i got up, u always slept beside me and sometimes holding me tight, remember? And i prepared for the breakfast and hurry to school on ur ebike... nice memories.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Really, I shouldn’t write or modify a letter for you as something like this needs to come from you and you alone. I can give you an idea how it should look like grammatically but regardless of that it should be written in your fashion.There are a few indicators in there which makes it seem very much about you. I gather you didn’t intend for that. There are many sentences beginning with “Don’t you think?” That’s a hurtful thing to write for the most part as it’s insulting the other persons intelligence.Even so, this should give you some idea how to go about this:------------------------------------------------------------What is written here, I hope you won't misunderstand the words in this letter, as they are coming from my heart. I just need you to see and understand, need you to see who I am and I do not want to upset the bond we share. There's no need to make another argument, neither of us want that right? While I am trying to better myself, it's up to you if you will accept me for the man I will become in the process of all this. I am deeply sorry if I ever disturbed you, that I didn't give you enough time. As you said, you need space, and I'm giving you as much as you need. I don't want to overshadow you and burden your mind with more thoughts, more complications. I respect you that you want to work hard, be the top in the class, be the best that you can be. Please do not think or say that I ever blamed you because you didn't contact me. I admit, I held on to the hope that you would just text me just once in a day, just to say good morning, hope all is well. I don't think that was asking for too much but if you think it is or it didn’t occur to you that I wanted to hear from you, then I have nothing to say. During the time we were together, I never, ever cheated on you, I wouldn’t even think of it. Never would I think or do anything to make you hurt, make you jealous, make you sad. All I'm trying to do is to make you happy, make you feel loved, make you proud. I know from my heart all too well that I made a lot of mistake and all I asked from you is the understanding from your heart to see that I am truly, deeply sorry for all the hurt I caused, I hope you can forgive me one day and see who I am now. Words cannot describe how bad I feel about it. You know I will always remember all the many wonderful things you did for me and I'm so very thankful for that, this is one of the countless reasons that I love you. You said one time that love, love deeply, forget, forget thoroughly. I will always remember the words and actions you shared with me, they forever dwell my heart. Maybe I didn't show it but my heart always paid attention to you and listened to you. I just hope you can see the good in me as well as the love I feel for you. When I asked advice from my friends... can't you see I'm asking because I really would like to make this relationship better, to make myself better, to make you happier. Or did my darker side overshadow my true intentions? Don't you know that I constantly think about what I've done to you? I've never demanded anything from you, and never will in the future. If I need something, then I don't expect you to buy it or do it for me. I need you to know how much I do worry and care about you, thinking of you, thinking what I can do, what to say that would make you happy, make you feel great, make you feel better because when you feel exhausted, feel tired because of having so many classes, so many commitments, I just want to be there for you when you need some brightness and comfort in this life. I never felt distant or distracted from you when you called me before. In my heart I was so very happy each and every time to hear from you. You probably don't believe it but you should know one thing, if I say something all about emotion, all about love they are coming from my heart. I never liked to play with the emotions, with love. Do you know why I stopped you talking about the past? Not because I'm afraid of my emotions but because if we truly love each other then we'll try to be better, think about present, the future, make it better, we did mistake but we learn from it and if we see the mistakes that we made and admit it to ourselves we can become better for it. However, we can't rely on the past forever. Everybody's learning, everyday. If we always think about the past then we can't make any progress, we can't think clearly about the future. As for my smoking and drinking, let me tell you the truth, I do not smoke that much like before, some goes for drinking, at maximum I drink one or two bottles but not everyday, only when there's a celebration or something like that, I’m not drinking crazily like before. I have stopped for a while now. And the promised that I gave you, I'll do it, I will see it through. You asked me to give all this things up before getting married and we have talked about this. I’ll give it all up by at least half a year and I hope a year before it would happen. I will do this, for you. You mean more to me then everything else. When did I ever say or even think you were looser? I've never think that, never intentionally ignored you. I just needed time to think so many things over, make myself calm down because I didn't want to make more arguments and belittle myself in the process. Please know that I went out because I didn't want to hurt you, just wanted to make myself calm down and come back with the clear mind to show you more care, to show my love to you, to take care of you, to encourage you so that you can do something successfully. You know if my mind is still not clear then how can I say something that to make you happy? How I do something to encourage you to be the very best that you can be? People with unclear mind can't do anything; I couldn’t do anything for you while I was like that. When I came back and said I just can't leave you, I meant it from my heart, my entire being because I knew that if I say something like this you'll feel better about yourself and us, make you happier so that you can continue to be at your best. All the things I've said always came from my heart. I truly feel like I can't be without you, I never wanted to leave you. You're in my heart and would like to give you all what I can so that you don't have to worry about so many things and I’ll always be there for you, always stand by your side. Have you ever thought about the times when I wanted to be with you but you pushed me away? There were times like that but I never think of this because I respect you, I understand you want to do your own thing; you want to be yourself from time to time. No matter what mistakes we've both made, I’m willing to forgive and forget because I just love you so much that can't leave you out there by yourself in any disappear you may be feeling. Sometimes I remember the things you’ve done to hurt me but I will never ever say or embrace it those negative thoughts because it would just hurt you or make you feel sad. I’ve moved past all those thoughts now and become a better person for it. I was always ready to surrender something some thing for your well-being. You mentioned that I didn't have courage to talk to my ex girlfriend to get the old emotional baggage out of my life, however I have done this before, just need time to make everything clear so that later all that won’t be a problem for us. I'm not like a machine that can change something right away, to make something better, time is needed, and we need patience. When did I lie to you? Did you mean when I told you I was going out but I went to someplace different from what I told you? It wasn't meant to be a lie, I just didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me so much. Did you think I lied to you when I told you I was going out with my friends but you thought that I was going out to see a girl? You always knew that whom I was with because I told you the truth, I always let you know that where I went to, I was never hiding anything from you, if I didn't say it then it doesn't mean I lied to you does it? If the people I go to see are successful in their life, giving me some way to be a better person, then I can't do it? I can't be better? It's up to you if you want to see the brighter side within me, you can see what I did, what I’m doing and what I can be.Why I'm I saying all this? I’m trying to show you how hard I am trying to be a better man, a man to give you what you want, now and in the future. I will not tell you to wait for me because I do not want to complicate your life, to be your burden. I want you to feel at peace around me, to feel love around me. If I didn't want this relationship anymore then I could of just walked away, if I didn't value this relationship then I wouldn’t of bothered to tell you all this, I wouldn’t of put any effort into it. Why should I have bothered talking to you? Why? Because I truly want you, truly love you, truly want to share my life with you. I truly believe that we can work this out but we need to have faith and patience. About being together, I mean in your family eyes, that they hardly accept me, it’s always going to be your decision in the end whom you want to be with. As long as they can see you're happy. All the family in this world want the best for their child but when it's comes to marriage and when they see you have something in your hand then they won't say it anymore because they can see you can make the right decision, you can stand on your own two feet. Yeah, everything will be there for you but when you take off your holiday time then you could come see the new world, see new people so that you'll get more experience out of life. When you learn something, when you feel something, it’s always going be yours, always going to part of you, always going to be your advantage in life. Think like this, there's one person who never experienced anything before but you did, then you'll be better than that person, it'll be benefit for you, for your future, you'll understand more. You don't need to tell me what you did or whom you went out with because as long as it can make you happy then do it. Sorry but you're wrong about when you said I'm just feeling thankful to you when you sent me those e-cards. I felt really happy about them, I know, I felt that you did with your heart. I cherish them. If it doesn't mean anything to me then why would I reply? Why should I send you as well? Because they mean a lot to me when you're doing such kind things for me. What you asked of me before, to be in contact, I tried my best to do it, not just because you asked me but because I’d like to let you know that I'm here, I'm always here for you whenever you need me, when ever you want me, even if you're far away from me. Just as I said because I wanted to know you're ok, I wanted to know what was on your mind and help you in anyway. I’m sorry if the fact that I wanted to take care of is something you didn’t desire, maybe it was too much for you. Should blame myself that I was like this? I never wanted to disturb you, not give you space or anything like that. I just wanted you to be happy. I still do love you so much, I’ll always be there for you if you need me, and I hope you feel the same for me. I understand if you need time and space, I understand if you need to go over what I said here. I will be a better man, for you and myself. I wish you nothing but happiness, no matter what becomes of us, but I hope, that we can still make this work, that our love for each other is pure. Love you, always.------------------------------------------------------------Good luck, and I hope you do put all your effort into bettering yourself. Not just for her but for yourself as well.
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (4 May 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhatToDo123,Actually you know i made some change in the e-mail i wanted to send to her, please check it whether it's good or not. Thanks in advance!: First of all, what i'll write here hopefully you won't misunderstand anything and all the sentences are coming from my heart and just wanted you to know more and understand more that how i am and don't wanna make argument with you, there's no need to make argument again i think, while i'm just trying to be better and it's up to you that you accept it or not. Secondly, sorry that i disturbed you, didn't give you enough time but as you said you need space and i'm giving you as much as possible and because i don't want you to think too much, i'm respecting you that you wanna work hard, be the top in the class. But never say that i blamed you because you didn't contact me, you can even just text me just one time a day, like saying good morning or whatever, i don't think i asked too much but if you think it is then i have nothing to say. During the time when i was with you, i never ever cheated you, never think of anything to do any thing like that to make you hurt, make you jealous, make you sad. All i'm trying to do is to make you happy, make you satisfy, make you proud. I know from my heart very well that i did a lot of mistakes before and all i asked from you is if you still have that heart then forgive me, i truly regret them. you don't know how bad i feel about it. You know i remember you did a lot of good things for me and i'm really so thankful for that, this is one of the reason that i still love you. You said one time that love, love deeply, forget, forget thoroughly. I remember all of your sentences you told me before, i put them into my heart. Maybe i didn't show it off but my heart always pay attention to you and listening to you. I just don't know why you can't see the good side of mine like when i asked for advice from my friends.... You can't see i'm asking because i really would like to make this relationship better, would like to do something to make you happier? Or just thinking my bad side all the time? you don't think what i've done to you? Actually i don't really need you to think what i've done to you because what i did it was coming from my heart all the time and because i love you so i don't need you to see that because it can be like a gift or surprise to you. I've never ask anything from you and won't ask you in the future, i mean if i like something then i don't need you to buy it or do it for me. All i just want to hear from you just like before so that i know you're fine. You don't know how much i do worry about you, thinking of you, thinking how to do something, how to say something that can make you happy, make you feeling great, make you feeling better because like when you're exhausted, feeling tired because of having so many classes. I never ever felt tired when you called me a lot of times before, in my heart was really happy all the time. Probably you don't believe it but you should know one thing that if i say something all about emotion, all about love are coming from my heart deeply. I never liked to play with the emotion, with love. Do you know why i stopped you talking about the past? Not because i'm afraid of them because if we truly love each other then we'll try to be better, think about present, about future, make it better, we did mistake but we'll learn from it and if we see the mistakes that we did and admit it then it's really good but we can't always rely on the past forever. Everybody's learning, everyday. If we always think about the past then we can't make any progress, we can't think clearly about the future. About smoking, drinking let me tell you the truth i don't smoke that much like before, even drinking, maximum i drink one or two bottles only but not everyday, only when there's a celebration or something like this, not like drinking crazily like before, i've stopped for a while already. And the promised that i gave you i'll do it, you asked me that to give all this things up before getting married and we have talked about this that time, i'll give all up at least half a year before it or 1 year even. Tell me when did i think that you were looser? I've never think of that, never ignored you. I just needed times to think all the things over, make myself calm down because i didn't want to make more arguments, i mean go more deeply because it would just hurt us. Please think that i went out because i didn't want to hurt you, just wanted to make myself calm down and come back with the clear mind to show you more care, to show my love to you, to take care of you, to encourage you so that you can do something successfully. You know if my mind is still not clear then how can i say something that to make you happy? How can i do something that so you can do something very well? People with unclear mind can't do anything, remember this. When i came back and when i said i just can't leave you, i mean it from my heart because i knew that if i say something like this you'll feel better, make you happier so that you can continue to do your things better, all the things i've said always came from my heart. When i said i just can't leave you i mean it, i seriously can't leave you, never wanted to leave you, meaning exactly that you're in my heart and would like to give you what i can so that you don't have to worry about so many things and i'll always be beside you, always stand by your side. Have you ever think that when i wanted to be with you but you pushed me away? There were sometimes like that but i've never think of this because i respect you, i can understand you wanna do something, you wanna be urself a little. No matter what mistakes you've done to me i'll forgive and forget because i just love you so much that can't leave you out there maybe sometimes i remember them but never ever will say it out because it would just hurt you or making you feel sad but i forgot them totally already. I was always ready to surrender something so that you can feel better. You mentioned that i didn't have courage to talk to my ex girlfriend to get out of my life then let me tell you i've done it before, just needed times to make everything clear so that later won't be a problem for us. I'm not like a machine that can change something right away, to make something better need times, need patience. What did i lie to you? Like i went to a place but i went to another place? It wasn't lie really, i just didn't tell you because i didn't want you to worry about me so much. Do you know what is real lie? Like when i tell you i go out with my friends but no, i go out with a girl, dating her or whatever. You always knew that whom i was with, always knew that where i went to, never hide anything from you, if i didn't say it then it doesn't mean i lied to you. Don't you think that if the people who's successful around me, giving me some way to be better then i can't do it? I can't be better? It's up to you that which bright sight you wanna look, you can look what i did, how i can be, why i'm saying all these, how much i'm trying hard to be able to give you something what you want in the future. And do you think that i really tell you to wait for me because i want you to waste time on me? If i don't want this relationship anymore then i can end it, if i don't value this relationship then i won't bother to tell you all these, won't put any effort into it. If i don't want this relationship why should i bother talking to you? Why should i explain all these things to you? Because i truly want you, i truly love you, i truly would like to share my life with you, i truly believe that we can work this out but we need to have faith, patience. About being together, i mean in your family eyes that they hardly accept me it always gonna be your decision whom you'll be with as long as they can see you're happy. All the family in this world want the best for their child but when it's coming to marriage and when they see you have something in your hand then they won't say it anymore because they can see you can make the right decision, you can stand on your own foot. Yeah, everything will be there for you but when you take off your holiday time then you could come see the new world, see new people so that you'll get more experience. When you learn something, when you see something it always gonna be yours, always gonna be good for you, always gonna be your advantage. Think like this there's one person who never experienced anything before but you did then you'll be better than that person, it'll be benefit for you, for your future, you'll understand more. You don't need to tell me what you did or whom you went out with because as long as it can make you happy then do it. Sorry but you're wrong about when you said i'm just feeling thanks to you when you sent me those e-cards. I felt really happy about them, i felt you did with your heart. If it doesn't mean anything to me then why should i reply? Why should i send you as well? Because they mean a lot to me when you're doing such kind of this things. What you asked me is contact everyday and i tried my best to do it, even not because you asked me because i'd like to let you know that i'm here, i'm here still to take care of you even if you're far away from me, just as i said because i wanted to know you're fine, everything is ok with you. Really sorry if i wanted to take care of you but you didn't want, maybe it was too much for you. I should blame myself that i did this? I never think in my mind that to disturb you, not giving you space or anything like this, i just wanted to care about you. I still do love you so much, i don't know about you but i don't need your answer if you don't wanna do it right now. Still hope we can continue somehow
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (4 May 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the problem is we're in long distance relationship so we can't find therapy together.... Just u know she broke up with me because i did mistakes before but i think the mistakes i've done to her wasn't that serious like her. She cheated me but i've never ever cheated her. She said "Broken heart is hard to be mended" then when she broke mine then she doesn't know how painful it is for me? She cares about herself only? She wants to revenge me or what? Because if i broke her heart then she has to do the same to me? Just don't understand her really.... And what's her problem if i ask advices from my friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Very passionate. Both of you wrote with great passion.
I've done something very similar to this as well with letters to my love and it really means so much to us both.
You really brought out your feelings about yourself, her, your love and everything that intertwines in this situation. Well done to you both for putting the time and effort into this. Shows you both truly care.
As for some suggestions.
1. Send this as a hand written letter rather then an e-mail if you can. Let her know by e-mail that you have sent a reply letter and it will get to here in time. She can then keep this and if everything works out it could become something great to cherish in your relationship in the future.
2. Grammar & spelling. It doesn't really matter in a letter of passion to be honest but it could be worth it to proof read it a few times.
3. When you say "No matter what mistakes you've done to me I’ll forgive and forget", also mention in that sentence that you have made mistakes (everyone does) and show that you know that and want to work through it and better yourself from it and become a better person for her and yourself. I know you said this at some point in the letter but I still think you need to place it in this sentence as well.
I still think what you both written here is a great testament for your caring and love.
I wish you all the best between you both. From the letter you wrote, you know what needs to be done anyways.
Good luck & if there's anything else you what to clarify, post back and let us know :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Honestly, she seems very self centered and all about "ME". She is also all over the place.
If you mail her that, PLEASE use the space-bar a little.
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male
reader, male_pessimist +, writes (4 May 2011):
In my opinion - Communicating in a relationship is a very common difficulty. It appears, in my opinion, if you two decide to remain in a relationship, you absolutely must get assistance, therapy, or counseling; however you want to say it. You two obviously can not do it alone. If either or both of you are not willing to get help, you don't have a chance. I don't see how either of you can trust the other again, unless you learn how to communicate better with each other. Forget the email. Ask if she is willing to have counseling with you. If you are not willing to ask or she is not willing to go, then be prepared to be confused like this indefinitely. You may have to try different therapists until you find one to both your liking. Relationships are hard work. If it's not worth that hard work, then it's not worth worrying about and just move on. Good Luck!
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