A
male
age
36-40,
*poilage
writes:My girlfriend and I have been planning on hiking the appalachian trail together for the past year and a half. The departure time is getting close, so 2 weeks ago she tells me that she wants to hike the trail separately now. That consists of me going alone, (2 weeks before her), and her replacing me with a (male) friend of hers who she has assured me she has no interest in. She wants to "get back together" after we finish the trail. How should I be reacting and responding to this? Any input would be useful. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): If you've got the cash to do the trip then she cant really 'tell' you to get your act together. I guess she's thinking of what you come back to....but who knows if you would come back,these adventures are life changing alot of the time.
You seem to want to accept her explanation so thats up to you. Personally I would be off - just do the trip and go with the flow,no ties.
Good Luck
A
male
reader, spoilage +, writes (10 March 2012):
spoilage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thanks for the responses. Not that it makes much of a difference (in my opinion) but maybe it does.. we broke up for about 2 months during nov. and dec. , got back together and got serious again, then the conversation of "so we're still on for the trail, right?" came up. The dude she's going with she assures me has been strictly platonic and they've been friends for about 10 years. Doesn't help that the fucker has the same name as me:-/ She told me she wanted me to stay here while they hiked the trail and get my shit together, since I don't have a steady job at the moment... because I've been avoiding getting locked into anything since I've been planning to hike the AT in the first place.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2012):
 What they all said... just total disrespect for you.
tell her to go with him and not to bother to come back to you.
I'm sorry. this sucks for you. but i guess it's better you find out now rather than have her spring it on you during the trip.
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 I would pull away from this situation. She must have planned things with the other guy surely. I would just pull away from her and let her go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): I know somebody who planned a round the world trip with his g/f, they had every step mapped out and were almost ready to set off. She dumped him out the blue. He ended up going with his sister.
This girl of yours has planned this, she must have,the guy had to get ready to go so they have schemed behind your back.He knew before you did she wasn't going with you.
Dump her, before you leave,today in fact.It doesn't matter who she's going with,if she can't share this trip with you then it's over.
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female
reader, bluebelleyes  +, writes (6 March 2012):
Regardless of the gender of the person she's choosing to go on the hike with, the fact that she's chosen to not go with you is a bigger concern. I'm assuming if you've been planning the hike for this long, you've been together for quite a while, and therefore she should already realise that her decision would hurt you, and that this is a big deal to you. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and think that she has feeling for this guy; because you have no control over that; you can only control her feelings for you, and you need to ask her WHY she's comfortable hurting you in this way, and if she doesn't have an acceptable response, you definitely have the right to tell her you don't think she's acting respectably or with maturity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): Just to comment here also, I know lots of cases where men and woman who are friends have usually under the influence of alcohol or a nice trip somewhere ended up sleeping together to see how what its like.
I dont think her reasoning sounds genuine and it sounds like she has a hidden agenda from you
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female
reader, Deagan +, writes (6 March 2012):
 She is being extremely disrespectful to you. This is something the both of you were planning, and all of a sudden, she wants to go with another guy?
She is taking your feelings for granted. I like how Maverick put it, whereas doesn't it sound a bit odd that she wants to take this male "friend"? Yet what if you were to pull that on her, wouldn't she get pissed? "What do you mean you want to take another girl?!"
You need to put down your foot on this. The fact that she isn't bothered by this is worrisome, it sounds like she's interested in other guys. So either she realizes her mistake and goes with you, or she can kiss the relationship goodbye. Really. Don't put up with that kind of behavior- what she is doing is disrespectful, rude and repulsive.
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male
reader, landomando +, writes (6 March 2012):
Dam... shes dumping you to go hike with this guy.. then after she wants to get back together with you??what? Is that right? wow that is so messed up, especially since you have been planning this for such a long time and have probably been together for a good amount of time too.. I would be so mad and hurt. Honestly idk how u should react to this. I think i would find this guy and neuter him, just because hes been going behind your back (dont do that..even tho its not a bad idea :/ ).. and id dump your girlfriend/wouldnt get back with her. You have to understand, if you have been planning this for that long. She didnt just all of a sudden ask this guy to come 2 weeks ago. They had to have planned this months in advance.. The fact that she would rather share this amazing memory with someone who is just a friend, then someone she cares about, has feelings for and is dating is really strange.........
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (6 March 2012):
 I would tell her that is something that you had wanted to do together and that you won't be doing it if it is not going to be as such. If she can't see that it obviously means something to you then I would be thinking over why you are with her and that is not necessarly a bad thing. You can explain that it isn't about the guy that she wants to hike with, it could be anyone and you would still be hurt that she doesn't want to do this with you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): Mmm, yeah, I'd tell her to take a hike - out of my life, ASAP. Congrats on your plans to thru-hike the AT, by the way. That is an achievement that will stand the test of time, unlike your flaky should-be-ex-girlfriend.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 March 2012):
**oops I meant "in your shoes" **
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 March 2012):
How should you react? I can't tell you that. However, I can tell you how I would react in her shoes.
"Let me get this straight here. We've been planning and looking forward to this for 1,5 years now as a couple and suddenly you've decided you want to take another guy instead of me? [insert heavy sarcasm:] I don't understand why you even ask this, because surely you wouldn't have any problems if I booked a romantic holiday to Paris for the both of us only to take another girl with me instead at the last moment. That doesn't sound strange at all, does it? And it doesn't raise any questions about the true nature of this so-called 'friendship, does it?
Are you purposely trying to insult my intelligence here?"
Seriously, don't be a pushover. I'm not a jealous person, but this would make even me furious. Yes, friendships between guys and gals can work, but more often than not one of the two ends up having feelings for the other. I am seriously suspicious of how things are between your gf and her 'friend', judging from this post.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 To be blunt tell her to take her hike (with her new friend) now. Why wait?
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