A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently in a LDR. I'm very attracted to my boyfriend, but there are periods where my feelings are very conflicted. I'm romantic by nature, and love to make him handmade presents, cards, and goofy online links and pictures related to his interests.He enjoys getting these from me, but he never makes me any back, or puts the effort in that I do. This hurts my feelings. I get that people arnt all into crafts, but I've told him I enjoy getting these kinds of things/cute texts/messages and he doesnt seem to understand.I'm finding myself teasing and joking, trying to get him to make something for me to prove to myself he'd make an effort for me.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Women seem much more into this stuff than men. Most married men it's their wives who send the Christmas cards for example. So don't take it personally.
But maybe you could tell him you would like to feel special, and see how he responds. Be prepared though for him to do nothing, as some people are simply not demonstrative.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Expecting your boyfriend, or anyone for that matter, to express their affections in the exact same manner you do is unrealistic and unfair.
You express YOUR affection that way because YOU like doing it, not because he does. What matters is having someone special you can be yourself with, whom you can trust, who respects you and wants to be with you. Glue and ribbons and cutesey texts are mere trinkets and window dressing that some find embarrassing.
Let him show his affection in HIS own way, and you show yours your way.
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A
female
reader, hopelessromantic15 +, writes (29 May 2011):
Ehh, maybe he's not that type of person. Almost like he has a barrier to see how far you'll go to give, and he doesn't wanna give until he knows that your gonna stay, your not afraid to give. He just doesn't wanna get hurt?
Did this help?
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 I am in an LDR also. I used to be a lot like you. I would send e-cards and other cute things to remind him of me when I wasn't there. I even sent him a care package full of things from my country that we talked about which he didn't have other there. I got nothing in return.But I like to give. I'm a giving person, and I understand that a lot of people aren't. And a lot of people will let you down in life, too. You just have to learn not to expect things from people, that way you won't be so disappointed. I know its difficult, but it works.
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Not everyone expresses themselves in the same way. Let him know your craving some kind of attention from him, but insisting that he do it in the same way as you seems like a lot of pressure. I'm not creative or crafty and have my own way of doing things....if someone let me know they were craving to feel special to me, I would come up with a way to show them exactly how special they are, If someone was teasing me because I can't do the things they are able to, it would make me uncomfortable,.....try a different approach maybe
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): I think you are maybe thinking that the only way a person can show love and affection is if they conform to your standards and examples. YOU enjoy these things - crafts etc - and that's really wonderful. On the other hand, wouldn't you rather your boyfriend showed you how he felt in a manner that reflects him - I.e. More genuine demonstrations of his love. I'm not sure what kind of ways he would better show his affection for you so I won't offer examples. Perhaps he thinks he is already showing you affection and your not picking up on it. Guys are different from girls and in my dating/relationship experiences I have often failed to respect this. I believed that if he didn't show me love how I would show it, it meant he felt differently. That wasn't true. Really I think the LDR is the biggest factor here. You, like most girls, need to feel wanted and adored as much as possible and a LDR puts pressure on your boyfriend to show his feelings all the time. No one has the energy to make cards and crafts constantly unless it's a genuine hobby - like yours. I'd suggest telling him outright that the LDR means you miss him a lot and like to know he misses you too. Let him find his own way to show you. If a sweet text is all it would take, that's not too much to ask for. If he doesn't step up or find a way to show you affection in his own way, maybe you should find a guy closer to home that can actually shower you in affection in the flesh - cuddles and kisses... LDRs usually don't work out for that reason, so don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you guys. All the best!
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