A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok my question is a kind of long a complicated one,im a gay, 18 year old male from ireland.so, i have this friend, lets call him john (:weve been friends since i was about 14, and he would of been one of the first people i ever came out to (when i was 14)at the age of 16, me, him and a few other mates turned into a very boisterous lot, (ie drinking alcohol and mitching school (hookie)now i had liked him at this stage for quite some time and while drunk i told him, it didnt go too well of course (mainly due to him not being gay) and we ended up growing apart quite soon after.the years whent by, relationships came and whent, for both of us, and he whent to college in dublin and i stayed home.in the past few months weve really become good friends once again.and to be honest i thought i was over him, until recently ive been looking at him in a different light.in fact i feel stronger for him now then i ever did. But as youve probably heard before, i dont want to ruin that friendship again.what makes it worse is if he were gay/bi, he would actually be giving off blatant signals. like having his arm around my shoulder!another night i was talking with a mate i have that lives in Birmingham, England. And john came up in conversation as did alot of other people as we were having "whos gay and who isnt" conversation.and he was convinced that john is, and he has absoloutly no clue of my feelings towards john, in fact none of my friends do.please give me some sort of advice :/thanks!! (:
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male
reader, georgey5100  +, writes (8 June 2011):
sadly there is no easy way :( i "fell in love" with a straight guy last year (excuse the quotes... but i just dont believe that ive yet experienced real love haha) and now ive dated a few guys since him and now have a boyfriend... but yet he still means the world to me. sadly the only thing that can truly help you get over him is time. you might try distancing yourself from him but that might be a little selfish and when i tried that on the guy that i liked i didnt realise how much it hurt him (i'm also this guy's best friend). Looking for other guys might also help a little... it will make your life easier if you are with someone who is gay and is fine with it. hope it works out for you :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i suppose you're rightif you wouldn't mind me asking you guys one more question.he's a good mate, no doubt about that, and at this stage of my life i'm not in a place to lose any more friends, especially good ones, any advice (no matter how small it may be) to help me get over it in some way?PS thanks for all your help even just talking about it with random strangers was a real help for some reason, ive been rating all your comments 5/5 just so you all know (:
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (3 June 2011):
 well i feel that unless you want to get him drunk and seduce him then you probably are not going to have sex with him, let alone a relationship.
relationships dont get founded on drunken sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell guys, we were chatting last night and i asked if was going to sleep with any guy why him, and he just said he was experimenting, and yes he says he quite drunk (as in alot)
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 June 2011):
thats the kind of information that should have been in the original question for sure.
he's at least bi (likely)
looks WAYYYYYY more promising, but remember he has rejected you once. try to find out if he was very drunk when he slept with that guy as i recently slept with an attractive girl when drunk but am as gay as the day is long when sober.
do some detective work and go from there but expect possible knockbacks
also you two are both young and people change in their teen years
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A
male
reader, georgey5100 +, writes (1 June 2011):
woh, woh, woh, woh, woh!
back up
"two years later i and two other friends were heading to limerick city, we were waiting for our train when john decided to tell us that he had slept with michael not so long ago."?????
he told you he slept with a guy!? why do you have any doubt that he is at least bisexual? aha :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell Boonridge McPhalify to answer your question of why my friend thinks hes gay;3 years ago we were at a party, i was drunk, so was john, i was with a fella at the time called michael, john and me were chatting and about 4 times in a row john couldnt help himself reminding me that i was "so lucky" to be with michael.two years later i and two other friends were heading to limerick city, we were waiting for our train when john decided to tell us that he had slept with michael not so long ago.my mate in birmingham has been here and hung around with us before, and hes gay aswell and hes also one of those gays that seems to be able to attract alot of "straight" men, so he has an eye for em' i guess is what im trying to say.other little things like teasing, sentences etcEg this is quite recent actually, i was with a mate and she asked john to meet up with her, he said no, until she said i was there too and then he came down, when she told me this we discussed it further and she actually said "thats cos he fancies you" :/and john and her have always been close, they are the type to talk to each other about their problems etc
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (29 May 2011):
having a friend about who you are in love with but is unnavailable is not a good thing for you.
it will block you from new men who you may have a real chance with.
why does this other friend think john is gay?
weather john is gay or not i dont think it will turn out well. most staright men think nothing of putting their arm around another man, you'll need better "gay evidence" than this for me to think you have a solid case of gay. one persons opinion is just that and it may be wrong.
either way is being around john making you happy at all? or just confused
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 If the two of you are friends and close at that why not just ask him casually. Or ask questions like who does he think is the hottest rock star, singer, etc. If he names all women, then you name yours (being men) and see if he has any opinions. Feel him out a little, then just ask him. Can it really hurt? as long as you dont make any sexual advances or assume you know anything I think It will be fine.
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