A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck in a situation with two options, both seem right but its hard. option number one....I'm engaged to a wonderful man....Lets call him M, he's sweet,fun, handsome and we have a goodfriendship. I love him, but there are a few red flags that worry me about him, he is kind of lazy, he never does any of the cleaning, and at first because Im not working I was okay with that, but after I bust my but cleaning and cooking all day, he just leaves his dirty cloths and dishes all over the apartment. He only showers once a week and rarely brushes he teeth and it grosses me out.Then there's the problem where he never comes to see my family, whenever a family gathering happens he always seems to be busy. I have gone out of my way to see his family but out of the 3 years we've been together hes met my dad a total of 10 times...However Option number 2 we'll call him T is a friend I have known since grade 11. When we first met there was an instant connection, but for whatever reason we haven't actually gotten together. We have had a romantic past together but there are always cercumstances that prevent us from going all the way. He is handsome and smart and I feel whole when I'm with him. I love him, but its a different kind of love then what i feel for M. He is mad at me at the moment because im engaged to someone he thinks isn't good enough for me, so i don't know if i still have a chance with him. but like i said i feel whole and safe with him. I have no Idea what to do because I love them both in different ways.HELP!!
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (15 March 2011):
It seems pretty obvious to me that none of them is the right choice. In the first place you shouldn't marry your current boyfriend because your marriage will fail for sure. Even if you love him, you don't seem able to live together.
The other guy, I guess you love him more like a brother than anything else. Which is reasonable because you meet when young and have shared your lives.
You have to move on and keep "T" as a friend.
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 It sounds like you've already made your decision.
Regardless of whether you have a chance with T or not, you know you are engaged to the wrong man. If he annoys and even grosses you out a bit now, imagine spending the rest of your life with him. Not exactly the most promising path. Especially if you are going into this thinking you can change him. That kind of mentality leads only to resentment on both sides and an unhappy home because you can't change people. You have to love them the way they are, because the only way they'll be truly happy with a change in themselves is if the change is made of their own accord.
I'm thinking you may have a good chance with T as well. it may take a little time and telling him that he was right about the man you were engaged to, but I think he'll definitely come around :)
Best of Luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): ok, i dont think ive ever been in such a situation but i would go with T... cut the relationship off with M before it goes too far. If M is what you say he is, then he is going to make your life A LOT harder that may eventually result in a divorce... T sounds like he really cares about you and even if he isnt interested in you at least there is a chance to start fresh with another man. hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, dannn  +, writes (15 March 2011):
Have you told M that those his cleanliness and hygiene are major issues, even possibly deal-breakers?
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