A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys,so, I'll try and cut this as short as I can;my boyfriend and me have been for a couple of months now, we have been friends before, not very close ones though... and basically everything works out quite fine, but there is one thing worrying me.. So he is bisexual, and I do not have any problems with that, but the thing is that he used to rather have "gay tendencies" before he got in a relationship with me, meaning that he definitely had more relations with males than females... He told a mutual friend of ours that "guys are actually, like, really REALLY more attractive than girls, but then SHE came along", which is me...A couple of weeks ago, he seemed a bit distanced towards me, and it turned out that it wasn't only a feeling of mine but he really was trying to keep a little distance because he was worrying about his sexuality, as he told me later on... He was thinking our relationship through, but he told me that he came to the conclusion that he WAS sure he loved me and felt attracted to me... from then on, he wasn't that distanced anymore, but still...He sometimes is texting me about how those gay-love-comics he is reading make him sad at times because they always have a happy ending and he is reminded of his own hard times with this, definitely without the happy ending... he also told me some time ago that he was in love with his best friend for quite some time, like 2 years, but he was straight and rejected him... as I got to know, this only stopped shortly before the two us got together.The thing that "alarmed" me the most though is the problems we're facing when trying to sleep with each other... he would get aroused and an erection, but as soon as it gehts "more serious", e.g. undressing completely or trying to put on a condom, he eventually loses it.. this has happenend for 3 times now, there have always been breaks inbetween the different cases, and it's not his first time, neither in general nor with a girl.. The fact that we can't manage to "do it" does not bother me at all, I just want him to be comfortable and relaxed and have reassured him of that several times.. of course he could still be nervous, because it actually would be my first time and he knows it and he already said he wanted to make it perfect for me, and he also said that it would be the first time when it was not too "casual", but with more serious emotions.. but now I'm wondering wether the actual problem could be that I'm plainly female, and even though he hasn't come to this conclusion (yet?) or doesn't want to admit it, but he simply can't get into a relationship like this...My question now is, do you think it might be true that even though he wants to or tries to, he just can't get into a relationship with a girl/woman? And of course, I have thought about talking with him... but then I would like to know, HOW? I don't want to constrict him, scare him, make him feel as if I blamed him for something or was angry with him or disappointed... I rather want to show him I'm concerned about this and truly want to know what kind of solution would make him feel the most comfortable, since I love him and all I want is him to be happy ... so yes, I would make sacrifices, even if it means that I get hurt during the first time...I appreciate every piece of advice, thank you (:
View related questions:
best friend, condom, erection, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Firstly, it sounds like you really have your feet on the ground.
It really seems like he is denial that he is gay. He might be trying, either for himself or for others, to have a straight relationship in order to prove that he can. He also may deeply love you as a friend, and that love has gotten a bit confused in the expression stage.
If I were you, I would talk to him about being just friends, and then truly be that way. Be close. Be there for each other. Just maybe not be dating.
Whether he is bisexual or gay, he sounds like he's very confused right now. He needs time to figure out who he is without being in a relationship on top of that. If you give him the opportunity to do that, ESPECIALLY if you give him the opportunity to stay friends, I bet he'll be extremely grateful.
Best of Luck!
|
