A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:Need some advice on better oral sex techniques. The problem is that I used to be able to get my girlfriend to cum fairly easily. She explained that it's hard for her to do it so the oral sessions would last up to 40mins. She used to ask me if my tongue would get tired and laugh it off.Fast forward a few weeks, and it's taking longer and longer. And it seems I can't find the right spot anymore. I keep trying to use the similar/same regions that worked before.It's gotten to the point where almost 1 hour is too long. She started complaining about the 40min sessions. And I agree that 40mins is way too long as well. I'm trying to read up about different techniques.My question is: has she lost interest in me on a deeper level (and therefore cannot get the mood)? She claims this isn't the case but also complains of boredom. We still talk about the future together etc.Or am I approaching things wrong?Should I try to mix things up more with different mood settings (I tried this a couple of nights ago and it ended with her telling me where to go for taking too long).I really hope that she hasn't lost sexual interest in me. If so, I wonder if it can be gained back or if it's a deep-seated psychological issue that simply cannot be reversed?This is really difficult because it's affecting our sex life. Actually for a while when we first met, I had on and off success with using my finger.The tongue used to be the best way to get her excited. Quite frankly, I worry that if I cannot please her or leave her 'hanging' then she will end up finding someone on the side to please her :(Ugh! It's a real problem. She used to admit that it was hard for her to cum. But now she says that past bf's have been able to get her excited to cum easily. I don't know if she's lying to make me feel bad or what. But right now I feel so bad because I worry that she has lost interest in me :(
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male
reader, soul83 +, writes (28 March 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the advice! Well one week without me had her really excited to get me into bed :)
This time was definitely the quickest I've been able to get her close to orgasm. Using the tongue to work around her sensitive areas and lips (and go in and out of her) was really effective. She ended up begging me to stay centered around the clitoris.
Still she has the problem of not being able to finish properly. This is something that has plagued her for a long time. She'll tense and reach the edge but can't stand having her clitoris stimulated and pulls away. A couple of times she tried to ride it out but just couldn't get over the edge and it started to fade. Other times, she's either gushed or started shaking uncontrollably (she describes the shaking as the better feeling).
Actually I managed to find the spot that excites her for the missionary position - we'd been trying for months in this position with limited success with her claiming that my skin was too long and wasn't producing enough movement for her. I'd been telling her there was no way I was getting a circumcision :P Promised I could give her the feeling and lo and behold I was able to deliver on that.
So I guess the next problem is working out how to get her 'over the edge' - I can do it with regular sex via the g-spot. Just need to work out how to make it effective with oral sex.
A
male
reader, twistedelm  +, writes (23 March 2010):
By far I dont know everything about Oral Sex. But I do know a few things that might help. Most women who like oral sex prefer the guy to lick the sides of her pussy. I like it if the woman shaves her pubic hair but Ive done it both ways. I prefer a clean pussy too. When some guys have sex-the plan is all there idea. I feel the sex plan ought to be the womans choice because if you are a good lover--you are trying to satisfy her and what better way to do it than this. Some may get bored if they have no input into the sex. I sometimes just ask them what kind of sex they like.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (23 March 2010):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are never as simple as they seem. I agree with all of the posters that I have been a bit boring and predictable as of late. The trouble is I try to be romantic and do lots of nice things for her but it's hard to get her into the mood. When she gets home she complains of being too tired to do anything and quite often I get into a situation of her running off to bed and going to sleep instead of bothering with me.
Number one thing I will work on is making her laugh. It's difficult to do that because quite often she will try to put me down. I can try to play along and make a joke of it but sometimes she's downright bitchy to me - like turning her phone off whenever it suits her, blowing me off if I call her etc. The comments about having lots of choices of other men and telling me to be very careful if we go back to Australia together, have been pretty hard to swallow. I think a mature relationship should be about respect for each other's feelings and not trying to make each other feel jealous.
There's a lot to this story and I feel like there's many things holding the relationship back. She talks about marriasge and a long-term relationship but she can't manage the small things like saying goodbye before she leaves the house or being patient with me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Are you taking her out and telling her how nice she looks and smells? Are you doing little things for her all day long to show her that you care?
Or are you just itching to get her pants off and going right for the honey hole?
Women need to feel attractive and secure before they can relax enough to come. If you are making a big deal about her pleasure she is also going to feel like there is something wrong with her. If you keep using the same moves every single night she is going to get anxious adn bored and she will never come.
Foreplay is a daylong event.You need to start with some kind words, move onto some chores, a few more kind words, some treat like flowers or desert, somemore kinds words, kissing kissing kissing, and then maybe you could move onto some petting.
Women don't like predictability. Stop thinking you found the formula to get her off and be romantic.
Your frustrated because you are trying to hard, and that is making her frustrated too. Relax a little.
-Bert
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A
female
reader, L.A LATINA +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Me being a women it isnt your fault 70 percent of women cant orgasm when having sex try using viberator. I need help and thats the best thing to take care of my needs .i think she just gets frustrated its need your fault ..good luck
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (20 March 2010):
 One other thing, she shouldn't make this seem like it's your fault. It's not your fault!
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (20 March 2010):
I think you need to incorporate some variety. Alternate between kissing her in different places, massaging her, etc. so she doesn't become desensitized. By the way, I don't think she was lying when she said that about you =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Relax I'm sure it's not that she isn't attracted to you. Maybe she is just getting too familiar with your technique, she anticipates what's going to happen next and it's not turning her on as much. That does seem like quite a bit of time, maybe try speeding up her arousal before you get to oral. Girls take longer to get aroused as I'm sure you're aware of. Try getting her in the mood before you even begin touching her, maybe find an erotic story and read part of it to her, since not all girls are turned on watching porn, but if she is maybe try that. Another suggestion, blindfold her then touch, kiss, lick all over her body except between her legs, don't go in any straight line like from neck to chest to stomach then down, move around randomly so she doesn't know where you're going or what you're going to do. This should get her going then try doing oral on her and try out some new techniques.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Soul83,First get the woman warmed up by kissing her, her neck, and going down her body, until you get down to her vaginal area. Kiss the inside of her legs, and then start.At a rate of 60 strokes of the tongue per minute start from the bottom of the labia and work push through putting an emphasis in strength of stroke on the bottom of the clitoral hood (the area most sensitive) and make it follow through pushing it against the teeth. (I have a small space in between my teeth allowing it to be stimulated from every angle.) Repeat this for around 5 minutes. Signs it is effective- Whenever you are pushing through the she generally would do a pelvic thrust up.After she is clearly warmed up and wet, while still doing oral, insert the index and middle finger in between 11 and 1 o' clock 1.5 to 2 inches in on the anterior aspect of the vaginal wall (the pubic bone area). At this point, pushing down on the pubic area (not too hard!) while rubbing with the pads of the index and middle finger, will be most beneficial. -IHateWomanBeaer
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