A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We used to talk almost all day, everyday, but naturally that has stopped being the norm now. My problem is this: I write to him, but it takes him a week to answer me. He says he's busy with work, and I understand that, but the thing is I see that he's been active on the social networking sites. He has a right to do whatever he wants, but I get paranoid because, "why doesn't he want to spend that time with me?" I don't want to ask if he's bored with me because I don't want to sound un-confident.I don't really think I have a question to ask, but I needed to hear advice from others.Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): I'm sorry, I thought you meant dating web sites, by the social networking thing, so if it's not dating web sites, he might just be appearing active and not setting it to appear away after a time period. If that's the case, it's really hard to tell if he's typing to others and ignoring you or just leaving his status to appear online 'on' but not sitting at his computer at all times. If that's the case, scratch the leaving his options open part, and I would just assume he either feels congested with work or he doesn't want to make you feel smothered by him always typing to you, and appear annoying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's the one who's always telling me, "Don't get with other guys while I'm away; There's no one else I love but you." And other things like that. We've had our breakups during the relationship, but always get back together because we love each other (as I perceive it) and can't not be together. He's always saying he wants to be with me. So if that's the case, how would he be "keeping his options open," even after I've asked him if he wants to move on?
I just want to know if it's an alright thing that he's sometimes active online but waits until later to reply to me. Like, I know *I* do it sometimes cause I feel like not replying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have been together for two years, he visits sometimes, and we are serious about each other. That's why this bothers me.
I did use to talk to him about why he doesn't respond quicker, more often but he always says he's busy with work (working six days a week). I wish he could move & stay here, but the nature of his work involves a lot of traveling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): This reminds me of another LDR question that I saw earlier this week, and the answer is unfortunately the same..he's keeping his options open, because he senses the distance and feels hesitant to take it too seriously, without exploring other options first. I wish I could offer you a more comfortable feeling or more hope, but that seems to be the case with alot of long distance relationships. Unless things seem very hopeful and progress to the point where there is a very sure time period, very soon, in which you will live close enough to date or move in, one or the other is bound to give up, and usually does. Some LDR's work out well, and end positively, with both people coming together physically and lasting, but alot sink, due mostly to the same reason. It's not the he doesn't like you or want to be with you, but the long distance is making him tire and look elsewhere for attention. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but it's inevitable in alot of cases. Maybe he's thinking of continuing to live in another geographical area beside where you are, or staying where he is, and doesn't feel hope in you living where he is anytime soon.. The only hope you might have, though he'll continue in the meantime to explore other options, is to make every effort to live close together, and to make sure he's with you on that, at the same level of interest. If he doesn't offer you hope in that happening in the next while, then he just isn't serious enough.
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female
reader, jc82 +, writes (20 March 2010):
 What do you mean when you say that he has a right to do whatever he wants? Are you in an open relationship? A week is an unreasonable amount of time to take to respond.
The truly un-confident thing to do is not express what you are really feeling. If it annoys you (and by posting this question, you can be sure, you must be annoyed) then let him know. Your expectations should be met, and if you're not happy, then find someone else (preferably someone near-by).
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female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 long distance relationships can become distant if he isnt making the effort to make as much contact maybe as before then maybe you should ask him if there is a future between the both of you as you deserve to know where you stand.
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female
reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Writing letters are something you put effort and time in and you may not be taking into consideration the time taken to recieve and send letters. And if hes so active on social networking sites, why not talk to him while he's on, letter writing seems distance, its kind of a one way convo, but on facebook you could just have a conversation and it might feel like old times helping you reconnect
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