A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My question is for the ladies out there - do you need an orgasm to enjoy sex? Most women I've ever been with have said they don't so I always took that to be true, but the one I'm with now says she does want and expect an O every time...Now I feel like I'm under so much pressure to get her there that it's almost killing the enjoyment of sex for me. I mean I don't mind giving oral or lots of foreplay but sometimes a fast and furious quickie is just what the doctor ordered but that doesn't do it for her. So now each time she expects 20+ mins of foreplay before we can even start sex! I have tried to speak to her about this and suggest we sometimes have a quickie but she says she can't go straight to sex without being warmed up first. No other women have ever had that problem! I mean don't get me wrong, I want her to enjoy it but it seems like sex is all her way or nothing and it's bothering me. Thoughts ladies?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2017): You are used to having your ego massaged by women. You probably chose women who will do that and now you're upset that you accidentally chose one who won't play dumb or fake orgasms to make you feel better.You always chose ones who are so insecure and need validation that they will let you fuck without any foreplay. Basically allow you to treat them like doormats so they please you. Most women you had been with were insecure, either because they are already women of low self worth or because your treatment towards them made them react insecurely. I can enjoy sex even without orgasm but definitely not without setting the mood and some foreplay. Atleast there should be either of the two. If you want a quickie just for the physical pleasure then it's air for her to want orgasms. If you expect her to enjoy sex without orgasms then you should have the patience to give love if not an orgasm! It seems here like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Women are no different than men. We want love or pleasure or both. The thing is unlike for men, pleasure takes a long time. Love making takes time both for men and women.Quickies are only a male thing. Women settle for it when that's all they can get due to constraints like time or place. Half a loaf is better than no bread.
A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (3 May 2017):
You are coming across as a very selfish lover and only interested in your own needs.
It's very important that a woman is ready for sexual intercourse, foreplay is an important part in that.
This woman knows her body and if you want the relationship to work then you have to meet her needs. If not, then you should move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2017): I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand? Simple equality, yes?
I think the easiest way to 'get' what she's asking here is to start having sex where YOU don't come, only she does.
I wonder how how long it'll be before you appreciate where she's coming from?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2017): Ok, so I'm going against the general consensus here. I'm female and I just don't get the foreplay thing. I just like sex. Maybe you're not compatable
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A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal  +, writes (1 May 2017):
 Are you saying you want to have intercourse with a woman whose vagina is dry and unaroused and unprepared for it? Really? Is that the kind of lover you've been all your life? No wonder you've had so many partners--they don't stay with you because you can't take 20 minutes of your time to ensure they are ready for intercourse.
Buy a flesh light if your doctor prescribed quickies for your urgent sexual needs.
This woman is my new hero. She knows her body and what she needs.
Dry sex isn't good sex. Vaginal abrasions hurt. Grow some empathy.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Starting sex before she's warmed up can be sore and painful, even with lube because she won't be turned on or relaxed.
Most women are okay not having an orgasm every time, but you still need to do enough foreplay to allow them to enjoy the quickie too! Penetration alone isn't enough for the majority of women and, whilst some like giving oral to the guy, it doesn't do much physically for them.
When was the last time the quickie was for her benefit? As in solely focused on her, not you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2017):
 I think you have a woman who KNOWS what she wants sexually and isn't afraid to TELL you. THAT in itself is a GOOD thing. That means she won't FAKE stuff to make you think you are the best thing since sliced bread in bed. If she is SATISFIED with you in bed, it's because you put in the effort.
Most women (about 80%) do NOT climax from penetration alone - so while a quickie can be fun, it might do little to nothing fOr her sexually. You seem to think that isn't important.
As for 20 minutes of foreplay, I get it. What YOU don't seem to "get" is that foreplay doesn't ALWAYS start in the bedroom right before you insert your penis in her. It can start while making dinner together, or while watching a movie or out to dinner.
She knows that in order for HER to also ENJOY sex she needs a proper "warm up" and she has told you that so that YOU can get to know HER body better.
There are PLENTY of little tricks to getting her off - like using a little "buzz buzz" bullet vibrator while having foreplay OR during sex.
You seem perturbed that she WANTS to enjoy sex too. Like, sex is just for the male (aka you)?! that she should be HAPPY with whatever YOU are offering. You don't seem to GET that hat she is REALLY doing... is making YOU a better lover - for her and future GF's.
Yes, some women are fine having sex without a climax - mostly because they know how elusive it can BE for them and perhaps because they AREN'T so willing to ASK/DEMAND what they NEED to climax. They "settle" for what they get in bed because they WANT the intimacy.
She hasn't told you all this to make you think you don't know what you are doing or make you feel bad, she had told you this so SEX between you two can be FULFILLING for both of you.
If you feel she is asking you too much, end it and find someone more your own "speed".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): I love this woman, she is what i aspire to be if ever i get to dating again. My ex and I broke up due to some issues one which was that he never made me orgasm so i was never satisfied after sex. She might have went through the same in the past and now will not settle for anything less than an orgasm. Let her be or move on.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Obviously I meant orgasm and not organ!
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (30 April 2017):
It's reasonable to expect to organ everytime. How would you feel if it were the other way around? What if it took you 20+ minutes of sex but she organs after five and wants to stop because a "quickie" was enough for her? Would that be fair?
Some women are happy with not orgasming each time. Nothing wrong with that. Some women aren't. Nothing wrong with that either.
Clearly your views are different but I don't think it's fair for you to expect her to change what she wants and enjoys based on what you want.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (30 April 2017):
 It doesn't matter what we personally prefer or what your past partners preferred? - the woman whose needs should matter to you is the woman you are with now.
If sex includes an orgasm for you, it is NOT unreasonable that your partner wants/expects the same.
Hope this helps. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, AnnalisaV +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Well, put it this way: do YOU need to ejaculate in order to enjoy sex or are you happy enough for your partner to have all the satisfaction?Women need a while to get aroused and once they do, it is very frustrating/disappointing to be left hanging just because you're done. However, foreplay is not all about oral sex and fingering: foreplay is an unexpected cuddle and kiss, passionate kissing, showing her that you love and desire her by listening to her talk, looking into her eyes when she speaks, telling her that she looks beautiful... You get the picture ;)If a woman is alert to your admiration and desire of her, she will be easily turned on by you.However, age and levels of stress also play a part in if and how a woman may enjoy or indeed accept a sexual encounter. The same woman may have a high libido in her 20's and lose all interest in sex in her 30's, only to rediscover passion and orgasms in her 40's! So, you should focus on love and your actual relationship and allow your sex life to vary and mature within the relationship.A woman who feels cherished and loves you, may make love to you from time to time and even get used to rarely reach orgasm, but would you really be happy enough to know that she settled for what she came to expect as your needs, rather than actually be satisfied?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): I am all for quickies sometimes. ..are you hapay to have sex without ejacalation? ?? I don't think you would be really ...so it's the same for your partner ...I don't think most woman need to climax to enjoy sex but to feel sexually satisfied they do ..it's like ordering a chocolate cake but not being able to eat it what's the point ....can she not finish herself off after a quickie ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): You don't seem to know a lot about women or the way their bodies work.Women NEED about 20 mins of foreplay to get them aroused. So that your penis can enter a relatively small space (her vagina) with no pain or discomfort for her. After 20 mins her vagina becomes lubricated (wet) and engorged so that it can take your penis and she can enjoy it.Although you don't seem to care that much whether she enjoys sex with you or not. As long as you get your orgasm and satisfaction, it seems after reading your post that you couldn't care less whether she gets her orgasm or satisfaction. In fact you seem positively petulant (look it up) that you are being made to care about HER needs at all. Why on EARTH shouldn't she have an orgasm every time?? I always do because the men I have been with have firstly CARED about my experience in the bedroom with them and have also LOVED playing with my body. If all YOU feel like is a quickie than give yourself one, if your girlfriend doesn't want to be your sperm receptacle. Frankly I don't blame her given her boyfriend's attitude.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Do the 20 minutes of foreplay. This isn't rocket science.
Roles reversed you would want he to do it.
I think a lot of people forget that a happy relationship is about taking care of each other.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Okay, so you met a woman who wants sex in a different way than the ones you met before. So what do you expect of us ladies on here? To tell her she should be fine with a quickie and not need an O each time? It really does not matter what WE think, or what all of your exes thought. If SHE wants/needs 20+ minutes of foreplay and an orgasm each time in order to enjoy it, then that's how she works. And that's final. It's not like her enjoyment of sex is coloured by what other people tell her she should be satisfied with. She knows her body the best, this is how she works, and that's the deal you are given.
If you don't enjoy all the "work" and it doesn't do the trick for you, then call it sexual incompatibility (which is what it is) and move on.
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