A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I got out of a relationship with my ex narcissist. I didnt know he was a narcissist until we broke up and he called me all kinds of names "fat, stupid, not sexy or attractive enough, sperm dish, boring etc" you name it. He humiliated me after our break up because i dumped him when he refused to take me on a date for sometime. I find it hard now to believe love truly exists. This guy is someone i thought will be my husband in future. Everything seemed to be falling in place. We were friends for years before dating and never has he made me feel less of myself. It was a shock even though like any relationship we had arguments but only over the phone. When we don't our conversation was really fun and never have we EVER argued face to face. It was like we were meant to be together. I started questioning our relationship when he sent me about 5 "please call hpy.vday" on valentine's day. He was not busy with anything that i know of when i got upset he dumped me the same day. I couldnt breath i begged him for love we apologised both and he took me back. We dated for ten months four first months were the best and then drama. My ex before this was cheating on me with people i know. Is there love out there? I told my parents they should not expect marriage from me, i am not getting married. I was upset because my ex had already took me to fit rings in expensive stores. Already he promised to engage me this year in june on our 1st anniversary. His mom is his biggest fan she knows everything about our relationship. Since we are no longer together i am over this relationship fantasy. I am now working on myself i joined gym but i fear i will never meet a guy i can trust. Is there love or just fake relationships? Most people who are in long term relationships that i know have exploited or at least cheated on eachother at some point. What is this that we call love?
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female
reader, AnnalisaV  +, writes (2 May 2017):
 Hi,it sounds like you need some time out to recover from your bad relationships. Celebrate your lucky escape from a man who would not have respected you nor made you truly happy!You are still very young and have all the time in the world to find your soul-mate, don't worry.To answer your question, yes, true love does exist :)I have known many couples who love and respect each other, but also I am happily married to a wonderful man, so I just know that there is hope out there.It is very common, unfortunately, for young people to rush into relationships because they put sexual attraction first and are still in a place where they put their own wants before anything else. They also think that love is basically physical attraction, when really, they need to step back and realise that it is a lot more like the love you feel for family, for your best friend PLUS physical attraction. A lot of people seem to have no morals or respect for people... but you know, a time comes when we are just ready not to be alone any more, when we are comfortable with ourselves and meet someone who we click with.When I met my husband, we were both in our mid-twenties, we talked a lot about our beliefs and values and we just liked each other. We had mutual respect, admiration and very quickly love:love is when you are comfortable with someone, when you care, when you cannot imagine a future without them in it; when you agree on most things and respect your differences, but if you argue, you feel closer afterwords because you have learnt how to love each other in a slightly different way.A potential husband is someone who you just know would be a good partner, who would look after you when you're ill, who would be a great dad, who would support you through troubles and choices.Life is not perfect, people argue, but respect is at the root and it starts with yourself:love and respect yourself, be honest, be open, be firm and don't settle for second best, because, nobody is perfect, but there will be someone who is perfect for you and who you are perfect for :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): You can't romanticize or over-fantasize what true love is. It's not like what you see in the movies; and having disagreements with people doesn't mean love has ended. Real love will survive disagreements and grow stronger with time.
It will withstand challenges and endure through rough-times.
Above your post, your age-group is between 18-21; so you are very young and inexperienced. Most of the relationships you've had thus far are with "boys" who are too immature to know how to handle their emotions, and haven't had enough experience with relationships to really know how to behave and maintain one. They aren't ready for marriage and serious relationships; nor are you at this phase in your growth and development.
Looking for wedding rings and contemplating marriage before you even know what a career and independence is. Getting far too serious for your age, and not dating enough variations in male-personalities to know what a good match is.
Picking a friend to be a boyfriend is just convenient and easy to do out of familiarity. They're just "off-the-shelf" relationships chosen by the label under "friend". The bird-in-the-hand method might be easy; but you're better off meeting guys you don't already know. That's how you develop tools for survival in the grown-up world.
At your age, dating is mostly for fun. You have a series of light short-term trial-relationships that prepare you for something more mature and serious in the future.
Young guys should steer clear of needy starry-eyed girls too caught-up in make-believe fairy-tale romance; clinging and smothering him to death in her insecurities. They end-up as fathers too soon, or husbands before they are mature and experienced men. So they are more likely to end it abruptly, and move on. Usually disappearing in order to get as far from the drama as they can. She's left hating men and not seeing the reason it didn't work was because neither of them was old enough or ready for anything too serious.
He got sore because you dumped him. He wasn't going to whisper sweet-things in your ear for dumping him; and that doesn't make him a narcissist. You haven't lived long enough or met enough men to know one. He's still a kid, trying to develop his identity and find his way into manhood. You're too serious for your own good.
Do you have a degree and a career? Do you have your own place, or still living with our parents? If you haven't lived on your own, you are not ready to marry anybody!
Your own immaturity is showing for making such a statement as never finding real love. Not yet. You haven't met enough men or dated enough to know much about life, let alone love.
You need to give yourself time. Don't act like a brat about not finding what you want right-away. It sometimes takes years to find the right match. It also takes patience, maturity, and a positive-attitude.
You must also see your own faults; and not always "blame the guy," as so many disappointed females do. After-all, you do have choices. Whomever you decide to commit your heart to, is there by your choosing.
So learn from your mistakes, don't give-up in defeat. You're not a little girl anymore; but you are still in the middle of your journey to becoming a woman. Hopefully, a strong woman.
Discover who you are, and your potential as a woman. Guys will be there the whole time. Date varying guy-types; making sure you actually get to know them before falling for them and jumping into a relationship. Judge each individually, and by his own merit. Not by your past mistakes. Don't drag your baggage around. That's on you, not the guy!
Time, fate, and destiny will bring forth the guy best meant for you, so start preparing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): Don't be to down on love you will find happiness again your well rid of him why stay so long if he cheated
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 I've heard this from both men and women.
I wont lie, its a very selfish world out there. People these days dont really consider their actions and do tend to try things on they shouldn't.
Is love real? Yes. It is.
Take your time, meet lots of people and get to know them. You will find it.
Good luck.
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