A
male
age
41-50,
*dam3882
writes:Ok well here is another break-up story. I never thought I would ever be writing this, but here it goes. I've been dating this girl for 4 years. She is 21 and I'm 26 so we've been dating since she was a senior in high school. we fell in love within a few months and soon she had to leave for college which made it a lot harder on the both of us because during school we would see each other on the weekends and stay with each other during the summer. Not going into too much details we've had our ups and downs and made it work no matter what. A little bit about this girl. She is really really nice, the type of girl everyone loves and even has your buddies saying "you found an awesome girl, don't ever loose that" and girls saying "your girlfriend is so sweet I love her" and so on. She and I have always been there for one another. we've talked about getting married and having our own place, never a doubt in my mind that this would ever happen. Basically I couldn't ever ask for anything more.Recently we've been doing really good and planing on moving in together when she graduates in May,08. Up until about a month ago when I had a bad feeling that something was really wrong. I tried to play it off as nothing but this intuition was so strong that I had to figure it out. I asked her if anything was wrong and she continued to say no everything is all good. Well this feeling only got stronger and I started to think there could be another guy. This is something I could never think that she could be doing so thats why I was questioning myself. It got to the point I thought I knew who this person was she was interested in and when I questioned her again and again she flipped out and said stop tripping. So then I just let it go and didn't say anything for 3-4 days. I talked to her on the phone one night before I went to bed and she started crying and said that she is confused and thats when it all clicked. She said that there was a guy and of course I questioned her on everything I had thought was going on. She still denied it was the guy who I was thinking. So I was defiantly tripping then. I went to visit her at her school that friday. She said that she wanted a break and time to figure out her feelings and why she could have feelings for someone else. I pleaded to her of course then I ended up deciding that there's nothing that I could say or do to change her mind. So I told her that I love her very much and I want to see her happy. If I dont make you happy then I guess it's your right to have someone that does. All she could say was that she loves me too and sorry. So she came back to my house with me to stay saturday and sunday night. I wanted to know who it was but I wasent going to make a big scene. Sunday night came arround and couriosity got the best of me and I asked to see her cell phone and she let me have it, I looked through her call log and saw exactilly who I thought it was. I broke down and didn't know what to say to her. She left monday morning crying and just saying sorry. I wanted answers and reasons. I was oviiuosly a wreak and still am. It has been two weeks and she has came and got her snowboard at my house last weekend, we talked and she left to go see her new boy. Which by the way we live 1 1/2 hours apart and this new guy lives about 10 min from me, an acquaintance, and my roomates best friend. She said that she needed time to think about things. I obviously cant help checking my myspace to see who she talks to and I see stuff like " yeah me and ___ are doing great, I'm so happy with him, and I think he's happy with me, it's awesome, I'm coming up this weeked to see him." that of course isn't good for me to read and just gets my blood boiling. This whole time she has hardly replyed to any texts or retured but one or two phone calls. She even got to the point this week that she said she just needs space. So I stoped talking to her compleatly. she then called 3 days later to say hi and ask how im doing. She also asked me about hooking up with girls and I thought that was rediculious. She has yet to give me any clear ansewers and I feel left in the dark.Basically I'm just trying to get a sense on what's going on. Do I just leave her alone? Try and talk to her? Take it as a lesson learned and move on?
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a break, best friend, fell in love, move on, myspace, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Adam3882 +, writes (16 March 2008):
Adam3882 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks H2H, yeah that helps to see from her point of view, It really is tough. I will take this as a lesson learned and take time to heal. The next relationship will be much more meaningful taking everything that im learning now.-Adam
A
male
reader, H2H +, writes (16 March 2008):
Move on, she already has. It's a lesson to be learned.Let her be and it will be the pleasant memories of what the 2 of you have and shared for a time.Being *in love* is something that happens to you. It has a "will" of it's own. It comes, it goes. And sometimes, it stays and gets better with time.Accept what is, and don't judge yourself or her. People's needs change and they either change with it or not.I've loved and lost many times; been on both sides of the situation. And I'm a greatly enriched person for the experiences. At time, it just hurt ... a lot! Even when I was the one doing the leaving ... which is really tough when one day I realize I'm not *in love* anymore and she still is. I know how much that hurts and don't want her to feel bad.I still love almost all of them -- and cherish the memories -- just not *in love* with them any more. Does that help a bit?--H2H
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A
male
reader, Adam3882 +, writes (16 March 2008):
Adam3882 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts amazing how fast people respond to this. I'm truly greatful for your responses. Thanks for taking time out of your day to help me out. It really does help to see your point of view from a more neutral position. My friends give me advice but they want to see me happy so they don't always have the right things to say. I'll keep updating throughout the weeks and take everyones advice to see where it gets me.Thanks Again,Adam
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (16 March 2008):
Mate I would give her space. She sounds like she is too gutless to tell you that she is with this other guy and has feelings for him. She probably genuinely cared about you but this new guy has attracted her as he is basically new and she is only 21 so will be at the stage of wanting to explore more avenues. It is her loss really and I would just ask for an explanation. ie have we broken up. Are you seeing this other guy. Then move on mate. Have some time out doing guy stuff and enjoy yourself before landing another girlfriend. Nothing you did could prevent this as it takes two to tango. If one chooses to stop dancing then no amount of persuasion will work.
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 After 4 years of a first-relationship "I need space" is a euphemism for "it's over". She's emotionally involved herself, so she can't admit that to herself, either, and she's in denial about blowing you out.
The next year's going to be really tough for you, I'm sorry to say. Try not to torture yourself too much - try not to read her MySpace and if you're really feeling strong then the best thing to do is tell her "this isn't a `break' - this is a `break-up'. goodbye & it's over". Console yourself with the thought that you'll take her back if she comes crawling and try to get on with your life.
I have heard of situations like this when the couple _do_ get together again - I'm not sure how that'd be for you, always wondering about the girls you've missed out on and the experiences she had. Most likely is that you're gonna come through this a bigger person and in a couple of years the chicks are gonna be all over for you - then you'll be able to thank your first-girlfriend for having shaped the guy you become, all sensitive & strong & stuff - but in the meantime concentrate on the snow, dude!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Give her some space to help her decide what she wants.
If she has decided, then just accept it and let her go.
If you love her, let her go.
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