A
female
age
30-35,
*argentsgirl89
writes:This isn't a relationship question really. But out of blatant curiosity I was wondering if people out there would share their opinion on whether they think adoption, abortion or keeping an unplanned baby is the best option and why they feel that way.I would really appreciate blatant honesty on this question, so please don't sugar coat. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Abortion is not killing another human being, so it's not wrong in any way. I'd do it, it's not a big deal :) if you don't want the child, then do abortion. If you think it would be easier to have a child later in life(like 1+ years) then do so, it's selfish to keep a child you can't take care of. :)
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (30 December 2010):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am pregnant but my boyfriend and I both don't believe in abortion and I am too selfish to give my child up for adoption. I have a two year old son who is my whole world and I know I'm fully capable of taking care of another child.I was raised to believe that abortion is the killing of another human being. I can understand if the woman was raped or if it was conception from incest, but I don't understand women who just don't want children, or aren't ready for children think it's okay to abort a child if they are fully capable of carrying a healthy baby and taking care of the child. I think a woman should have the right to choose, but I choose life. If you aren't ready for children, then don't have unprotected sex.Thank you for all of your opinions. Its a very controversial topic abortion is. I could never kill a child.
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reader, cavwils12 +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I do not agree with abortion but I still believe it is a womans choice to do so. Adoption, I cant imagine giving away my baby. I am 19 years old and I have a 1 year old daughter. I admit it is difficult but because of her my life is great now. I graduated from high school on time and I am in college and I work and have my own apartment. I love my baby so much and I make sure she has the best. But still whatever choice you make is up to you and no one should pressure you to do anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): I'd keep it. Even if I'm 17 if I got pregnant although not entirely my fault it is enough or me to have to live the consiquences.
I could never kill a baby, it's a potential life.
I wouldn't put a child up for adoption, to me that seems like a good excuse for parents who don't want to kill it, but don't want for take care of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): i kept my unplanned pregnancy
abortion - i can't kill a spider, never mind a baby
adoption - horrid experience of both adopting out and being the adopted with my family thus so not a choice for me when i've seen how iys effected my loved ones. Plus, i wanna know my child - may not be ready fully to raise but never ready to say goodbye forever.
keeping - seemed the only option i could live with and personally i am very happy with that decision. it has been very hard and i've needed a lot of help but i wouldn't turn back the clocks.
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reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 You can't arbitrarily draw a line and say before this many weeks it's not a human being, but after that many weeks it is. It's either human at conception or not human. Saying it's not really alive, or calling it pro-choice, a medical procedure, a legal option, etc., are euphemisms used to make it more acceptable.
I realize keeping an unwanted pregnancy is a huge commitment and inconvenience for someone who may not be at all ready for parenthood. But any time someone has intercourse, even with all the birth control available, they knowingly assume some risk of pregnancy because no method is foolproof except abstinence. Anyone who's been through high school health class knows this. Other than rape, there really are no "accidental" pregnancies. They are the result of choices.
Those that deal with this by altering their life plans and getting themselves in shape to be parents, or by giving their child up for adoption, are accepting the consequences of their actions and taking responsibility. Those who abort are doing the opposite, though I deeply sympathize with their reasons. It is the quick and easy alternative, thus very appealing to someone in a dire situation, but that doesn't make it the right choice.
"better to terminate than to bring an innocent baby into a state of abuse and poverty ... better to abort than to continuously having unplanned babies and putting a strain on the social welfare system"
There's a thin line between that way of thinking and saying other "unwanted" groups -- like the disabled, the homeless, the elderly, and babies with birth defects, all of whom place burdens on the system -- should die as well. Either all of us are human and have a right to be here, or we are just "things" to be disposed of when we become inconvenient.
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reader, dmartin89  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 For me it depends how far along a person is in their pregnancy.
Although the legal limit is 24 weeks, I can't condone termination over 16 weeks because of the advanced development, unless the mothers life is at risk or he child is deformed mentally or physically.
I had an abortion last year at 11w. It was a tough time, not pleasant. But I do not regret it and I dont believe I "killed" my baby. I was very ill, suffering with constant sickness and on antidepressants which could have harmed the development. I was sad after, for a few months but never wished I was still pregnant. Abortion is not murder, its a legal option. One which had helped thousands of women get their lives back on track.
I admire women who have the strength to give their child up for adoption, I couldn't do it.
Unplanned pregnancy is not unwanted pregnancy.
Many many people are happy with unplanned pregnancies and go on to keep their child!
To someone who has an unsure unplanned pregnancy, I would tell them to look deeply into all their options and make an informed decision.
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reader, Princessmamma +, writes (2 December 2010):
Hunni please dont get an abortion. I know it may seem like one of ure options but there r so many people out there who dream of having children and cant. They r miracles and killing an innocent baby is so brokenhearting. Trust me u will regret it and feel bad for the rest of ure life. Please please give the child to another couple who desperately wants one and can raise it and take care of it please. It may take time but while carrying a child u develope feelings and may want to keep it i know i have an almost two year old and twins baby girls on the way. U never know what love is or how much u really can be in love with someone until u see ure childs beautiful face. I fell so in love with my daughter when she was born she is my whole life and so far she is growing into such a beautiful little girl. I enjoy watching her grow and i am so glad i did have her and didnt decide to give her away. I know it seems easy but i would have been so crushed. Please reconsider the abortion thing. U will be a very happy parent or some other couple will thank u for give them such a blessing. Best of luck gurlie. Much love
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reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Which is the best option? That is such a personal question! I think all those decisions are really brave and tough one.
Adoption - giving away your own child seems to me unbearable and painful. I can't imagine it. But, you can bring so much joy to parents who yearn for having children to parent and love and don't have the ability to do so themselves... what a wonderful gift. You can give someone else the gift of a family. How fantastic and generous!
Abortion - I have known a few people who have had abortions and really had a tough time coming to terms with it. For some, especially if they felt forced, it can be really traumatic. But, I've also known a few people who have had abortions, who hurt for awhile and then got on with the future that they had in store for them. They lived. And they never regretted their decision. They are happier, educated, financially secure people now, and can now feel ready for a family on their own terms. Now, I don't condone abortion being used as birth control, but sometimes situations call for reversal. People are too young, they can't afford a child, they were raped or molested, the timing just isn't right... it's not my business. And if you feel like abortion is the right thing for you, then I agree.
Keeping a baby - the toughest choice of them all, I think. You're signing on to a lifetime of parenting. The bills, the report cards, the sick kids, sleepovers, prom night. But, all the good stuff about parenting brings its own rewards. You get a tiny you! You are preserved in the world. You get to watch them grow, teach them to be happy, healthy, peaceful people...
It is up to YOU. What does your life call for? What does your heart tell you to do? You have to make this decision all by yourself. No public forum, random stranger, parent, friend or therapist can tell you what is best for your peace of mind and your life. Make the decision that you feel is the right one for YOU.
Good luck, sweet!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): PLEASE don't do Abortion u qill regret it w/everything u have. I got pregnant @ 18 and I thouht I wasn't ready and it took a lot of me to get an abortion. After I did my life felt like it was over I had just murdered my own child that baby had a spirit,and I took it away. Now its been 11 yrs and I still think about it all the time I have 2 children witch makes it worst cause I think what if it was 1 of them what was I thinking they r my life. Just to let u know I don't care how old u r your never ready to have a baby but when it does happen its the best thing in the world and god will take care of u for making the right choice of keeping it. Or even giving it up for adoption. What better gift can u get then a beautiful baby screw everybody that said abortion!!!! Good luck and God bless u and your amazing baby!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): i have always said this on DC and maybe have come under fire for these words:abortion is not a dirty word. it is a choice and it is a necessary choice. i admire women who make these choices bec of some circumstances in their lives.better to terminate than bring an unloved baby into this worldbetter to terminate than to bring an innocent baby into a state of abuse and poverty.sometimes these "unwanted/unplanned" babies are despised by their mothers and these kids are just thrown aside.in more "conservative/rural" areas the grandparents are left to bring up these babies and it is not fair to anyone.better to abort than to continuously having unplanned babies and putting a strain on the social welfare systemabortion is not a dirty word but a lot of people depict it as such. but it takes a strong woman to make this choice.look around you, single mothers struggling financially.these kids are sometimes not intergrated in new families when their mothers find their new partners. these kids are an outcast. it has happened in my family and only when i grew up did i understand the dynamics of 'this world".what i hate most is some women detest their unplanned kids. not all, but most of them blame their hardship and their inability to move on to these kids.there are some very blessed and positive stories for other women and their kids but this is in the minority. LoveGirl
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reader, C. Grant +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Adoption is IMHO a very generous and courageous choice. There are countless couples out there anxious to adopt infants, and prospective adoptive parents are screened for suitability.
If, however, the mother is not prepared to take care of herself during pregnancy, abortion is the better option. In the case where she is struggling with addiction issues, for example, so that the child is likely to be born with FASD or some such chronic affliction. Every child should be a wanted child, and that includes pre-natal.
I am biased against the idea of children raising children. Oh, there are examples of where it works out just fine, but in general a teenage single mother just stacks the deck against herself and her child.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Well in my opinion this all depends on the situation. I would never personally be able to give up a child under any circumstances for adoption as you have gone through the full pregnancy with that child, gave birth to it...basically gave the child life and then it is taken away - I know I could not deal with this. And to have the child come back in say 16+ years asking why you gave him/her away, that would just be too hard.
But in terms of abortion, of course abortion when raped is a straightforward one. I absolutely believe in abortion, and believe that a child is not 'alive' until it is able to function on its own, outside of the womb. So with the advances in medicine, this is now around 20-25 weeks into the pregnancy. So abortion before this point - you are not 'killing' anything because it could not live on its own anyway.
Generally my reasoning for an abortion is that if you cannot give the child the life it deserves, and you are not in a position to give the child the best start in life - then abortion is the appropriate choice. If you dont have the money, or dont have a full education therefore could not get a job to support the child, if you are not in a stable long term relationsip/married....etc then those would be valid reasons to abort the foetus.
But if you are in an appropriate time in life to have a child, and can provide for it well then there is no reason to abort it. I dont agree with 20' something women aborting children just because they are not 'ready' - I think that is selfish and it is their own fault if they are not taking precautions to prevent something they say they are not ready for. If you have enough money, a good job, an education, a stable long term partner, an appropriate age where you have enough life experience to be able to pass on to your child - then there is no reason not to keep the baby.
The main thing is to always think about the child's quality of life - if you can give a child a good quality of life (regardless of your own selfish needs & wants at that time) then you should keep the child. If you are unable to give the child a good quality of life for whatever reason, then an abortion (or adoption if you are strong enough mentally to deal with it) is the appropriate option.
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): okay so my opiniion is basically never ever ever have a abortion you will regret it later in life and it could mean you will not beable to have kids in the future.adoption well i think that is like saying bye before you say hello and you may never be able to see this child againkeeping this baby . well it was unplanned but most of the good things in life happen unplanned .you may not be in a relationship with the father of the unborn child but i think that if you keep this child you will think the whole world of them once you give birth to them.it will change your whole perspective of life.please make the right decision and good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Okay, I seriously do not believe in abortion unless it is a rape situation. Adoption....I have done! Don't regret it at all. Keeping a baby from unplanned pregnancy, yes especially if all involved are healthy. Hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I'd definietly do an abortion, if i was younger than 22. The "baby" isn't a baby until some weeks have passed, so i dont see any problems with abortion. If i was older, however, i would probably keep the baby depending on if i was done with studying, and could afford a baby.
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