A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:Confused been with my boyfriend of 4 years through abuse, infidility.. I went through his phone and noticed a naked picture of himself who he sent as a message to a girl.. I've been feeling funny ever since he cheated 2x's with the same girl 2 years ago. I questioned him and he denied it then he said oh yeah I met her when we were having problems but we never hooked up cuz she lives in another state. I just sent it to her for us so we could have a 3some.. which I never told him to do. Now he's telling me that I'm blowing it out of proportion cuz if he wanted to be with another girl he would and that I should get my shit together. What should I do? Mind you - have 2 boys who are not his. I need your advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 One of the not-so easily identified impact of abuse is feeling of low esteem, as if you were indeed wrong in any negative situation, you do not think that you are a good person, you have little self worth, and so forth and so forth. The abuse is such that you do question yourself that, over and over again. It changed your personality, you feel inferior. You have no confidence when you are with him or an argument with him.
Get out please. You should be respected and cared for. Not lied to and be told that you should get your shit together. He should be telling you that he is so sorry to have hurt you and feel your pain.
Be strong and let go of him. You should be empowered, not belittled.
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Guys that talk that way are GUILTY from my experience. They try to make you look like You have problems when They do. Believe me, a few more months/years of this and you'll lose your mind, so best to end it now.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Break up with him. He's cheated on you before, and is doing it again. And you also mentioned abuse- I assume that you mean he abused you. If so, break up with him in a public place, bring friends for support (to meet you afterwards for instance).
Seriously, there is no better advice I can give you, and if you don't break up with him, I think you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak.
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