A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for 2 months. Things were going great. Just two weeks ago, during my drive home after hanging out with him, he sent me a text that said, "I think we should take this relationship to a new level, will you be my facebook friend? (and I am on one knee)", I thought it was the cutest thing. Of course I said yes. That same night, he asked me to get out of town with him the coming weekend (last week). I did not hesitate to say yes, because I like going on trips. And I thought it would be a great way to get to know the real him. We spent the night talking on the phone making plans right away. We chose a place and booked a hotel that night. Things went amazingly well that week...we saw each other more frequent also, everyday almost. Well on Thursday we left for the trip and we had a fantastic time chit chatting in the car. We talked about everything from his ex-wife (he was married for two years, he divorced her because she cheated on him) to wedding to having kids, and kids name (we weren't talking about it happening with each other of course) it was just talk. He asked me for my opinion of whether or not he should move out on his own or move back in with his now roommate (their lease is about to be up). Friday we continued with our trip. And again, had a great time listening to music and chatting. When we got to our destination, the whole day was just relaxing and fun. We spent time taking strolls on the beach, and walked the strip (it was a beach town). He told me he likes me and that I'm beautiful (he's been saying that a lot for a couple of weeks). It was just the perfect night.Then the next morning I woke him up so that we could get our day started, and I got Mr. Crappy Pants. He was cranky half of the morning and was a bit rude to me because I was coughing, and he didn't want to get sick. He was kind of being cold to me, but I just let it pass. Things were better the second half of the day. The morning that we checked out, things was fine. Until we started the drive home. I asked him if he wanted to stop by places that he wanted to see on the way home, and he just blew me off saying he could live without seeing them. I didn't say anything, because I understand that it was an 8 hours drive and he was tired and he just wanted to get home and sleep. The whole entire ride wasn't bad, I spent sometime reading one of the books that he brought with him out loud to him. I think he enjoyed it, and I certainly did. But once I stopped reading, he was being kind of cold to me and texted the whole entire drive home. About an hour before we got back to his place he asked if I still had my stuff in his room. At this point, I knew something was wrong. He was blatantly kicking me out even before we got there. After we got back to his place, I gathered my stuff and left. He gave me a big hug before I left (and it was kind of a really tight hug, and he's never done that before) and told me to text him when I got home.The next morning I thought I would show him some appreciation so I called him up to thank him for the trip and let him know I had a great that. He was sleeping so he mumbled that he had a great time as well and he'd text me later. That text never came. He was supposed to come with me for my friend's birthday this Saturday. So I messaged him a couple days ago letting him know the time and suggesting we should meet up before hand and grab a drink. Nothing back. This is the guy that tells me he's big on communication and when he does something wrong he owns up to it and takes responsibility. I don't know what happened, I'm very confused. He made future plans for us. And now just cut me off completely. I am not going to make anymore contact with him. However, I do want to know what happened. A part of me wants to call him up or send him a message on facebook asking to see if he's okay and if something went wrong on the trip that made him no wanting to talk to me. Another part of me saying that if he cares enough, he will contact me. I am hoping for the latter. I understand that he may be caution about our relationship because of his failed marriage and what happened to him. We had a discussion about cheating, and I told him and reassured him that I don't cheat and it is not in me to do that. I can't stand hurting someone that I care about.I feel like he's the one that making all this plans and putting things in my head and now just bailed on everything. I'm hurt and confused. We never have gone more than a day without hearing from each other for the past two months--so I am very concern.Can I get some input on this situation and how I should approach it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): He sounds emotionally unstable to me. Best to move on because a continued relationship with him could be tortuous when he suddenly goes cold for no reason. You have been given a glimpse into a side of him and I think it shows he is not someone you want to continue with on a deeper level. You dont have to break up but maybe detach yourself emotionally and take a few steps back and just be friends and get to know him a bit better from a distance to see if this is a recurring pattern.My bf can be very moody but we were best friends for many years before we fell in love so I always knew this about him. Thus when he goes cold suddenly it doesn't bother me or send me into a panic wondering if it "means "anything. But if we hadn't been best friends for years prior, if dating him was how I would have gotten to know him then I would probably have gotten pissed and left the relationship the first time he did it.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Sounds like he is a man who enjoys the chase more than the prize, once he had you it wasn't as exciting anymore. He probably has hang ups and insecurities from his past. It's upsetting when someone does this but remember you didn't really know him, when you did get to know him he acted badly, he probably isn't that great a catch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): It's not that you did something wrong. First let me say that even if he was somehow disappointed with you he still should act in a proper manner. His crankiness is not a behavior of a grown man. Also his mood change would alert me, even if he stoped liking you for some reason he as a grown man should be able to control his behavior.It happens, after a night together both parties can change toward their partner. For example, I was seeing this guy for a few weeks, and he was cute, charming and I liked how he looked at me. Then we had sex. He kissed very weird, he didn't smell that great down there, despite the fact that he took a shower right before we went to bed. He had a really big birth mark close to his penis, which was really gross to me. Sex was weird also, he changed positions as often as every 30 seconds, like he was uncomfortable all the time. Also after we were done, no, after he was done, he didn't want to sleep close to me, and even tucked in a blanket under his butt.In a morning he wanted to have sex again, but I just wanted to disappear that same second. I never saw him again. He texted, and called for a few days, and I just couldn't understand how he doesn't get the message if I don't answer him.I really liked him until we had sex. It was just no chemistry. I m not saying it's necessarily was the case with you but there is a possibility.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): I do really understand you.There are two ways i guess...1. he's afraid to fall in love and got things to be really serious2. or as Denise32 said: 'he's had his fun and now he's done'. He just wanted to make this dream true and realised that its gone too farStay cheerful.. only God knows the real reason.Perhaps, its his own problems and he's not that lovely as he supposed to be.All the best to you, stay well.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 You've known him a very short time - two months.
Yes, he acted weird, asking you to go on a trip with him, talking big plans (take the relationship to a new level, etc.) then suddenly he gets cold feet.
Well, it's quite simple: he's had his fun and now he's done.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Hi
I think asking you to be his FB friend which he saw as taking it to a new level, shows he was't taking things that seriously.
He saw the weekend as getting away,sex on tap,getting to know you maybe a bit better,it probably sounded good in theory.
His attitude now is way out of line,if for whatever reason he has changed his mind,he should have the guts to tell you whats going on.However some men just don't.
I would leave him be, no contact, let him come to you.If he doesn't then you have to accept he's one of life's gutless.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Hi, You did nothing wrong here. You did everything right for the situation and meet up. You have had some great advice already. Very good. Your situation reminded me of similar thing that happened to me. Same sort of situation and fantastic chemistry and attraction. We met up and had a great weekend being introduced to all her friends, family, the lot. We enjoyed ourselves together over the weekend and had fun in the bedroom department. All good. I came home and she went quiet on me almost the following morning. Everything I did was met with anger and frustration. The contact drifted off and finally nothing. I was very disappointed but made the decision below to write her off after about 3 weeks. I blocked her on facebook and blocked her numbers. Maybe she tried to call, maybe not.My only clue was perhaps she was coming to terms with her marriage breaking down from about a year previous. She had said I was her "first" since a long marriage. So for you, sometimes there are no answers that you will truly find out. Perhaps he was on a rebound or felt sad his Ex was with someone? I doubt you will truly find out. My advice would be to try to take this as a learning situation. You did nothing wrong and were just involved in someone's own grieving or healing process. Sorry. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 January 2013):
 sounds like he had such a great time he scared himself...
you have every right to be hurt and confused. he's sending very mixed signals...
I think the only thing you can do is wait him out.
I would give him two weeks to contact you.... if you hear nothing assume he's a jerk and move on.
sadly you may never know what actually happened but it's NOTHING you did.... as far as I can tell.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 January 2013):
It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong unless you're leaving something out.
Sometimes you just have to accept that people are strange and often it can feel directed towards you or caused by you but it's usually not. Maybe he has a little bit of depression or something similar?
The only other thing it may be is that it's possible he realized he wasn't as into you as he thought.
I'm sure you'll hear from him soon.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 This guy has multiple issues. What they are? Im not entirely sure. He doesnt seem to have his emotions under control which tells me he lacks maturity. Same with his lack of communication. If he tries to contact u he will be dramatic about it I guarantee it. Hes a boy. Not a man. Tell him off.
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A
female
reader, so4chaotic +, writes (25 January 2013):
Maybe he felt that you two weren't as compatible as he thought. Or like other said a rebound. I would wait for him to contact you. Don't contact him. If he does ask him what happened.
This is a shot in the dark but maybe he was put off by some of your habits.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Bad relationships in the past is never the reason to treat a new person badly. If they are still bitter, then they should resolve their inner demons, heal, before jumping into another relationship. So they don't dump their negativity onto the next person.
I don't know that facebook friend is the same thing as girlfriend boyfriend. He is choosing the term carefully even though he wants you to think that you are dating, he did not give you a title, you did not agree to a title. Things can be as fun as they are hazy. At the end you can't complain because he did not promise anything.
I think he was with you because he was lonely. I would see someone doing that especially if his ex was going out with someone in the weekend and he saw that you would agree to go on a trip with him so that he's not missing out. He was not being sincere here and I think he still has a lot of issues. You thanked him for the trip even though deep down inside you were bothered by his apathetic behavior.
It shudders me that there are a lot of people who can only think of themselves when they are down. Kind of immature really.
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