A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal. She's finally ready to go to the next step with me. We've been together for half a year now and she says that she has fallen for me and trusts me completely with her heart. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't craving this moment but I did find more than enough enjoyment in her company alone.She says that she wants our first time to be on valentines day. For some reason, I didn't really think about this but I fear that I will ruin the special moment. . .if she wants me to wear a condom. I know, I know, I must sound like a vile dog for even considering not wearing protection, but hear me out. Every experience with wearing condoms have ended in embarrasment.For some reason, I find it extrememly difficult to stay hard when a condom is involved. It's like the added sheathe is enough to block the sensitive sexual feeling I need to stay aroused. I always end up soft or not even aroused when I wear a condom. My last girlfriend was understanding and allowed me to disregard condoms for our entire relationship. She trusted me enough to know that I was disease free and was able to control myself. It was more enjoyable and I definitely had no problem lasting for an hour in bed. I want our first time to be special and memorable and not be tainted with my issue of not being able to get it up or keep it up. I know it's insane to suggest we go without a condom because I do expect her to have more sense and self respect for herself. How do I resolve this issue? Is there a special condom for guys like me? Should I talk to her about it? Where do I go from here?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): Two points to add. If you plan having sex in advance it won't live up to expectations, usually far from it. The best sex is spontaneous. And the second point, when you really are ready for sex you won't mind a condom, you won't be able to get it on fast enough. But be sensible, pregnancy (which is the real reason we like sex) happens really quick and easy so be prepared.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Yes there are some special latex free condoms which are slightly different, not being a man I couldn't comment on how they feel, but you could give them a go. Also extra thin and sensitive ones are available.
She isn't going to want you to last for an hour! Women get sore, and it's quality not quantity. Could you try masturbating with condoms on to get yourself more used to the idea. The other option is to both get tested for sti's then she can use another form of contraception. But hormonal contraception has a lot of side effects for the woman so basically you have to put up with these things if you want to have sex!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it wasn't my idea to do it on valentines and in all honesty, it sounds like the best time to do it. If it makes her happy then I don't have an issue with the timing.
I'll try asking her to get on birth control. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): get yourself tested and show her you're clean and ask her to start taking birth control, using condoms is really important What I'm suggesting is just a quick fix, because you have no guarantees that the other person will remain faithful and not get you infected so I'd go looking for a doctor to see if you can deal with your problem with condoms for the long term
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): You should both go get tested together. Thereby no secerets and you both have created a safe and honest environment to enter into a sexual relationship with. By-the-way....your awesome to wait that long anyway. It's also good that you know your own body. I agree with the male reader CMMP if your both clean, birth control is an option...but FYI to all men, the pill can reduce a women's sex drive (I lived it, so I know it does). However, she could be fitted for a diaphram. But, should it not work...well either way pill isn't 100% and neither is a diaphram be prepared that sex is wonderful, but you can still get pregnant.I would contact your doctor....possibly talk to am experienced sex therapist about the staying aroused with a condom issue....could be more to it than just a condom. From a woman's perspective I really respect your desire to make it special....but it does sound like you definately have some anxiety around this. In the end...talk to her...open communication regarding sex can never be too soon. If she is "the one" you have just paved the way for a really healthy communication in your sex life....I'm a therapist and I've personally gone through some of the issues you've mentioned. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Tell her u hate rubbers n ask her if shes willing to go on birth control n dont do it on vday for the first time. Its unoriginal. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 January 2013):
Condoms suck but they're necessary sometimes, specifically when having sex with someone you're not committed to.
Why don't you get tested to assure her you're clean (her too if she's not a virgin). Then she can start with birth control which will begin working by the time Valentines Day comes along (how cheesy btw).
Condoms aren't very reliable as birth control in my opinion because I've had them break a number of times. One time I came inside of someone before I realized it (no wonder it felt so good). Luckily she was somebody I was willing to have a kid with!
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