A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'm dating a well known business man of my city,and even before I knew him I'd read about how he's a player and is not really looking for a relationship,I never ever thought for the life of me I'd date him some day!so when I got into this relationship all my friends were worried I would get hurt,but I was hopelessly in love with him,he's a charmer he can literally sweep a girl off her feet,it happened to me..he's attracted to me I know it,cuz he ran after me got my number asked me out,I don't know if he loves me..its been 9 months now..I'm a virgin and I told him I'm not ready for sex yet and he's ok,now here's the thing he has a lot of experience and I'm just scared I wouldn't live up to it,how would I know if I'm good in bed,what if I'm not?he has definitely changed for me in terms of being a player I see it everyday but what am I going to do!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the replies..so I spoke to him,and I told him I'd like to wait until marriage,and he said he will wait:) although I don't know if this relationship will culminate into marriage but I do know I love him,and I don't want to leavve only becuz of his past..thanks again
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 If hes a player, then hes got other women on the side. How long have you been in a relationship, one where you had the talk about being exclusive and officially a couple? Seeing him for 9months doesnt mean you have been exclusive for 9 months.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): There are heaps of men deserving of you who are out there. Seriously! A man who truly loves & appreciates you is someone who doesn't expect sex from you but his love makes you WANT to give it FREELY to him everytime. Please! Find a man who will give you that kind of love.
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male
reader, aresu  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 dont be naive girl, if he is a player AND you know he is a player, then why are you in this relationship?, dont be silly, people dont change that easily and they will rarely change themselves for someone else. as chigirl said your skills in bed are the least of your worries when you are in this kind of relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): "I don't know if he loves me..its been 9 months now..I'm a virgin and I told him I'm not ready for sex yet and he's ok,now here's the thing he has a lot of experience and I'm just scared I wouldn't live up to it,how would I know if I'm good in bed"DO not worry about performing, you're not a porn star and he knows what he's in for, if he were really concerned about this he would've ended things with you, you're a virgin he won't be expecting nothing very unusual, in my experience guys who are players don't like to date virgins, because they want sex and virgins are not likely to have sex in the first, second or third date ( not most at least), so if this guy you said is a player I very much doubt he's 9 months without sex, sorry, but that's the truth, is it possible? yes of course I think if he loved you he'd be able to wait, but you're not even sure if he loves you, he may be charming all right, but if you're expecting to lose it a guy who loves you than you might want to wait, otherwise if you're curious and want to do it with him.stillIf I were you I wouldn't. Sex will make you even more attached to him and if he's not interested in you for the long run his interest will quickly fade after he's got what he wanted, so make sure he loves you first , do not believe what he says but what he does like someone said before.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): 9 months? If he is so much of a player he won't have waited that long.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 January 2013):
Uhm.. what makes you think that if he loves you he will judge you by your "skill in bed"? If he loves you he'll love being with you, and everything will be fine. If anything he should be the one who is embarrassed that he's been playing women and disrespecting them.
I'd not trust him based on his reputation, and as for his "level of attraction" towards you.. and his "changing ways".. well yeah, he's a charmer, and he knows how to say the right things.
I'd wait until you were really serious before having sex with him, otherwise I'd not be sure I wasn't just a "hard to get" girl for him. Maybe he just wants to have a virgin again. With players, you never know. Sure, it's been 9 months... but if he's truly a player he'll be willing to wait until he gets what he wants. So wait with sex for even longer.
As for whether or not you'll be good in bed.. trust me, that's the least of your concerns, and when it all comes down to it it wont really matter what level of experience you're at. Being experienced doesn't make someone good in bed. Being inexperienced doesn't mean you'll be bad in bed.. what is "bad in bed" even? Sex is between two people, about the chemistry between them. It's not about whether one or both are experienced or "good in bed", they can be highly experienced and the sex between them can still be bad and unsatisfying. So, never mind that.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I would not sleep with him until you are married. He's a known player. you have no experience in this arena and he will run roughshod all over you emotionally.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 "he has definitely changed for me in terms of being a player"
Not just a virgin, naive too.
Enjoy being a disillusioned ex-virgin.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Please don't do it. You will be sorry. Walk away with your self respect and your dignity. He is charming you and pulling out all the stops to get you into bed. Do not be another number or notch on his belt. Be the girl who is different and better than that. The girl that is better than he is!!!So many women fall into this trap where the guy will sweet talk, whine and dine, do everything right, say everything right. He only has one thing on his agenda. Unfortunately, it takes the experience of being burned to teach you a lesson. Do not go this far. Listen to these words. He will use you for sex and he will leave you.There is no way that in the time he is dating you he has remained celibate. He has been having sex with other girls. When you give in, he will get what he wanted and he will move on.Men like this will never change, no matter how old they are, whether they are married, single or in any kind of relationship.Do not fall for it. Do not let yourself be fooled by his charms. He is good at it because he has a lot of experience acting the role of the guy who cares so that he can get the big pay off at the end.I had my heart set on a player. I kind of knew it all along. I guess I let him play me because I was vulnerable and just out of a bad relationship. The attention he gave me was intoxicating. Us girls all love attention, don't we? But we need to know the difference between a guy who truly loves us and a guy who is lusting after us. This can be tricky sometimes because men are tricky in order to get what they are after. So, be smart and walk away now. I did. I walked away without giving him an ounce of my physical affection. He did not get my body. He did not get sex. Nothing from me.And you know what? It felt good to walk away and play the player for a change. That is how you do it. You walk away and do not look back. Disarm him by not giving a shit. Choosing yourself, not the lies of some cheating player. Men like him are disgusting. Know you are better. Once you do it, you will feel better about it. You are already having reservations about doing it with him. Listen to your gut and your inner voice. It is telling you to move on...Good luck!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 January 2013):
The chances of you being with this guy long term seem slim at best. At your age, it seems you have been saving your first time for someone special. There are plenty of guys who will appreciate that, this one almost certainly wont. The one piece of advice I can give you when dealing with a player (or anyone for that matter) is never listen to what they SAY, watch what they DO. In that, tell this guy that you plan on being a virgin until you're married. What he DOES in the month following will tell you all you need to know about him.....
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 If he doesn't want to be with you after sex that's not because of lack of experience. It's because he got what he wanted and he still doesn't want a relationship. You don't know if he loves you, so you shouldn't have sex with him. He went from having lots of sex then nothing for 9 months. I question that. Either he is not exclusive with you or he is lying. The last but unlikely reason is that he really loves you, therefore waiting nine months is okay. But the thing is you are not sure if he loves you. If he loves you he makes sure you know. You said he is not really looking for a relationship but you got into a relationship. What kind of relationship are both of you looking for?
The only good reason to have sex with a guy like him is that your body wants it, and you want to have fun and if the outcome doesn't turn out good you don't take it personally. Since you have a lot of fears it is a better idea to be with a guy who is about at the same level as you.
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reader, dougbcoll +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Well you know he is a player, and that he has told other girls what they wanted to hear to get what he wanted from them. You are doing right to not give in to him, to not be another notch on his belt.You're a virgin, he should look at that with honor. You worrying about being good in bed should be the last thing to worry about. If I was with a girl that is a virgin I would feel honored to be with her and would expect her to not be experienced "not good in bed" but to grow in experience with me.My advice to you is not let your guard down knowing of him as a player. After sex the dynamics of a relationship changes, make sure he won't stay with you until he gets what he is after, "hits and runs", and leaves you hurt.
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (24 January 2013):
 Personally i think that your friends are right when they say they are worried that you are going to get hurt. He is renowned for being a player, and player's are not looking for relationships, as you quite rightly read about him. He is looking for casual flings, meaningless sex with lots of different women, probablly building their hopes up along the way only to let them down. Im sure he is a charmer, im sure he did sweep you off your feet, but a player is like this with every girl he meets, he can't tie himself to one girl. You seem like a nice girl, do yourself a favour and don't go with him, lose your virginity with someone who deeply cares about you, and does not see you as another notch on his bedpost. My advice would be to steer clear of him, no happy ever after will ever come from dating a player.
Good luck
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female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 lets hope he wont change after you sex him..just keep telling him you're not ready till u r and until u believe he is the one u wanna do it with
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): You need to hold out on sex. Tell him you do not believe in sex before marriage. If thats all he is interested in - he will bolt. With regard to experience any man that loves you, would appreciate you are a virgin and would love to spend the time teaching you. So dont stress, you will learn to respond with time. Just be confident and ask what would you like me do to please you,expecially if the person shows that he has all the time to make love pleasing you. Its pretty easy give and take.
But careful with this player as you dont want to regret giving yourself to someone who makes u feel used.
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