A
female
age
30-35,
*enniOh
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 and a half years. I am a couple months older than him and I attend a university two hours away, while he is in his last year of high school. This is my first year at a four-year university. I went to a community college in town, simply to be closer to him. I come home every weekend to help my family out in the restaurant they own and to hopefully see him. The problem is it is very hard for me to see him, because his parents are very strict. He is not allowed to leave unless his homework and chores are completely done. He is not able to visit me at college and I find it uncomfortable to go over to his house, because his parents seem to think I take away time from schoolwork. I understand their concern for his success as he is preparing for college, but I think they treat him too much like a child. They control everything he does including the relationship. I feel like I am dating his parents along with him. I have been patient with my boyfriend by thinking of him going to college with me in the following year. But I just don’t know how patient I can be anymore. He is my best friend and I depend on him for a lot of emotional support because I feel alone at college. I have grown so close to him and I care about him a lot. But we have so many issues because of his parents. I at times think he is too young for me and that I need to let him grow up into the person his parents want him to be. It hurts that he doesn’t try too hard to change our situation, but I also understand he can’t go against his parents (I’m very family oriented).As time goes by I get more and more upset about not being able to see my boyfriend and I hardly talk to him. There is a guy who is interested in me at college. I don’t or haven’t thought of him as anything more than a friend in the past. He seems so independent and I really like that. I don’t know if I should give myself a chance with someone closer to my age. I just can’t imagine not being with my boyfriend, but I also cannot keep up with the situation anymore. He asks for patience, but how much is enough?Thanks so much!
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female
reader, JenniOh +, writes (29 January 2011):
JenniOh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo he is white.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Your families have very different parenting styles. Neither is wrong or right. You parents allow you to be adult like and have a lot of independence and freedom. They allow you to make your own choices and mistakes.His parents have a vision for him. They do everything in their power to make him rich and successful. They know that sacrifice in the early years will provide big rewards later.If you want a boyfriend to be with now, this guy is not right for you. He is busy, he has goals that he has to achieve and they take up all his time and energy.If you want a guy who might turn into a rich husband who can give you material wealth as well as love and understanding. Then stay with your boyfriend, be patient, work on your own development and tell yourself "it'll be worth it in the end".Yes he could rebel against his parents, he could turn his life at home into a battle. He could cut studies or leave his responsibilities half done. But he won't be happy. That's not the type of life he's used to, that's not the type of guy he is. He will probably feel anxious and guilty and still won't be able to relax and have fun with you.Remember also.. if you want to see the man he will become, then look at his parents. He's been taught to be a certain way, he won't change, he'll put his responsibilities first, probably overwork, and may still continue to frustrate you even when he's left home.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Perhaps it's not correct to ask, but I sense a racial thing here. Is he Asian? This just sounds like a situation where parents from another culture are placing expectations on him that are different from what you want.
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