A
female
age
30-35,
*aileyLove
writes:I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back together and she didn't know what to say. I want to give her some advice... But I don't know what to tell her. Here's how the story goes, or at least of what I know...My friend was dating this guy who she had known for 3 years, she had a crush on him since day one. After they started going out she was head over heels for him! But, after dating for about 5 months she didn't really like him so much. I recall her using these descriptions, "weird, posessive, tempermental, rude, and sometimes a big jerk."About a month ago my friend went into a big depression and actually almost killed herself. When her boyfriend found out, he was getting too close trying to "cheer her up". But in fact he made her worse because when he realized that he couldn't make her happy, he got angry and would yell at her for being depressed. So she had to fake being happy for a while until her depression started getting worse.She tried breaking up with him, but she didn't have the courage.Finally, he got pissed off enough and said, "You know... I don't love you when you're sad. And I'm not happy to see you anymore." She was devastated. But he broke up with her and said that whenever she's back to her old self then she can tell him and they'll get back together. But right now, he wants nothing to do with her!Pathetic, right? I've never met him face-to-face, but from what she tells me... he's so strange. Apparently he ditched all of his friends to be with her... basically... he has no life.So, here's where you come in:-Should she take him back when she's ready? She's not too fond of him right now. And she's not sure if things would ever be the same.-Should she just end it? I, personally, think he was the cause of her depression. I hope she doesn't go back to him.
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female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (25 May 2010):
KaileyLove is verified as being by the original poster of the question REPLY:I told her everything that you had said. She says, "I know, I know. I'm trying my best, but he knows me all too well! I had planned out my break up plan and when I was putting it into action he had asked if I was going to dump him. I guess I'm too nice for my own good because I replied 'no'. But, I knew that if I had started a fight with him then he would say some pretty hurtful things, (much like he already does sometimes) then I can use that to my advantage and end the relationship. I'm trying my best, but as cruel and overly-attached he is he's still the guy that I had ONCE had feelings for. He told me that if I wasn't even born then he wouldn't exist anymore. I don't want him to do anything that will give him the thought of taking his life. I know that when I was almost to the point of taking mine I chickened out, but he's more stubborn to just give in. I don't want him to die, it's punishment enough for the thought of knowing that he had even considered it."But, she told me that the night earlier she had started a fight with him and they both said some pretty harsh things to each other. She's ending it TONIGHT. I'm very proud of her for her sympathy and kindness towards others, but I think the lesson that she had learned from this is that sometimes you need to be kind to yourself too and treat yourself to the best. I think the words from Sailor Moon would fit here perfectly (~nerd moment~) "You deserve the best, and don't you settle for less."I'm glad that it's finally going to end. In fact, she had told me that one of her exes had called up and they now seem to be getting very "close". I actually met, and approve of this boy. I know that he'll treat her right, and if he doesn't then we can always look for help and advice from you, CaringGuy. Thank you for helping her through this situation. Even I had learned a lesson from this, and that lesson is to be careful with who you're with.My friend and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 May 2010):
If she's there, get her to read this.
DUMP HIM. He is controlling you, and using emotional blackmail to get to you. He is trying to get you away from your family, which is the sign of an abusive man. This could quickly spiral out of control if you don't dump him. Any decision he makes after you dump him is his decision. This is the sign of an abusive man. If you move in, you will lose your friends, your family and soon he will be hitting you. Dump him now.
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A
female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (12 May 2010):
KaileyLove is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ CaringGuy
UPDATE: (AGAIN...)
So, now, here's what happened.
She's been putting on a fake smile for a few days while she was out with him. Things were ok, but secretly she was plotting different ways to break up with him. In August they were supposed to take a trip together to some beach or whatever... but my friend had just found out that her family's vacation is on that day and when she told this to her bf he kept saying, "If you cared for me at all you would ditch your family and be with me."
(Honestly, I think this guy is crazy and I don't know HOW she puts up with him...)
But she said that she couldn't and he had a complete meltdown... he said that no one cares for him and he went on about his life story and how he never gets what he wants. She said that he was behaving like a 2 year-old, and he called HER spoiled. So, now, he wants to comit suicide! When my friend tried to talk him out of it she said, "Why would you leave me like this? If you had loved me at all you wouldn't give up." and he replied saying "Hmm... funny, I could say the same to you considering how you almost killed yourself."
My friend thinks that he probably doesn't really want to, but he wants to get sympathy and have people smother him with attention.
While she was making a point on why he shouldn't hurt himself, she said, "I would sleep better at night knowing that you're ok... that'll be one less worry invading my dreams." and he said, "So it comes back to you, it's ALWAYS about you."
She was only using a figure of speech. And he tried making a deal with her, he wouldn't kill himself if she would come and live with him. She's 16! (He's 17) She has parents who would worry, and she doesn't have money to support herself AND him, 'cause he doesn't have a job!
She's on rope's end... She can't break up with him now because if he was serious about killing himself then he'd have no problem doing it if he had lost her.
But she REALLY doesn't want to deal with him anymore because she feels trapped in this hole of a relationship.
(She's here with me now, in tears... What should she do?)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 May 2010):
She was happy for those 3 days, so remind of her of and and tell her that he's still the same rubbish guy he was 3 days ago. Also say that he's insulting her by saying that she can't handle it herself, as if she's weak. Because that's what he's implying.
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A
female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (7 May 2010):
KaileyLove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
Alright, I gave her the advice not to go back to him.
But here's what happened... Like, 3 days later he comes back to her and says, "I'm sorry... I was so angry. You, obviously, can't handle things by yourself. Let's get back together." She never said yes, nor no. But he ASSUMED they were back together. So, she's still depressed... and now he is too because she's not happy.
I dunno what she's going to do now, she's even more unhappy. And she flat out told me that for those 3 days, she was happy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 April 2010):
He is not worth one more moment of her time. Not one. He's abusive, uncaring and is hurting her and using her as he pleases. He was the cause of her depression, and she needs to ditch him. He won't change and he will hurt her again and again.
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