A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On saturday i was hanging out with my boyfriend and he asked me what i was doing that night, i assumed that i would be with him that night because he had gone out with his friends the night before. But he said that he was going out for dinner with his mum, i asked him what time and he said about 6 o clock. I told him he could come over after dinner if he wanted to and he said that he would let me know because he wasnt sure how long he would be out for dinner for, he said if he doesnt end up coming over then we would do something sunday night for sure as it was a long weekend.So when he was dropping me home that night right before he went to dinner, i asked him what restraunt he was going to, he said he wasnt sure and then he asked where they should go, i suggested mexican. I got home and i waited up until about 11pm and i still hadnt heard from him so i tried to call him and his phone was turned off. The next day he messaged me saying his phone had died, i said okay and asked him what we were going to do that night, he said he wasnt sure and that he would let me know because he was at a friends house and they were going out for drinks, i told him i would pick him up when he was ready and we would go back to his house. At about 5pm i called him because i hadnt heard from him, he told me he had to go to his mums house again that night because she had to talk to him urgently, i offered to take him and he said no. he said his friend would take him and he would call me later. he told me that he had ended up going out the night before after he went to dinner. I called him back about half an hour later because i could tell he was lying to me, i asked him how did he make contact with his friends to meet up with them after dinner the night before if his phone had died, he must have made contact with someone to let them know! he got really angry and said that his friend had come round to his mums house and asked if he wanted to come out with him, he then started accusing me of not trusting him. We ended up getting in a huge fight and we almost broke up. He was being really rude to me and was swearing and yelling at me saying that he couldnt see me that night. I called him back later and found out that he never even went to his mums house to "Talk" and he was still at his friends house. He started yelling again and was telling me to leave him alone and that he just wanted to be with his friends. He told me he would come over in the morning and we would talk. I got a text from him later that night at about 11:30pm saying that i could go over to his house if i wanted to because he had just got home. I then got another one saying "i'll be home in an hour, i know i just said i was home but i didnt mean to say that" nothing was adding up! I went over there and he could tell that i had be crying, we sat down and he said he was really sorry bout everything and that he knows he shoudnt speak to me the way he did and that next time he wanted space he would just tell me straight up. He promised to spend this weekend with me to make up for it. One of my friends came over yesterday and she is also good friends with my boyfriend, she told me that he had asked her to pick him up sunday morning to take him to his car which he had left at his friends house. She said that when she picked him up he told her that he had told me that he was going out for dinner the night before, and she said "Well did you acually go out for dinner?" and he said "no". She also told me that he had invited her and her friends over on sunday night at about 9pm, and at this time he was telling me we couldnt hang out because he was at a friends house! Now i dont know if should tell him i know he lied about going to dinner, i dont understand why he lied! if he had just told me he just wanted to hang with his friends then all of this could have been avoided.. I'm scared its going to start a fight, the past week he has been really nice and sweet and i dont want to ruin that.i feel so stupid! i was even asking him what restraunt he was going to and he kept on lying to my face! and i had waited up for him that night!What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, thats exactly the same with me, if i complain about it he says im too hard to please and that i always have a problem with him! argh
well i confronted him about lying, i told him about how one of our friends came over and told me that he never went to dinner and he just said "well you know that i went to dinner and then i went out after, so i dont know why she would say that" then i was like well i dont know but thats just what she said.
I just dont understand why he thinks he has to lie to me in order to go out without me. he can just tell me i dont care.
A
female
reader, ruby buttons  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 firstly if you are doubting whether or not he is lying to your face he prob is. he sounds young and immature and he starts these fights as he knows that you have caught him out, you need to concerntrate on yourself and go out with your mates and have fun,life is way to short, you need someone mature who loves you and includes you in their life not someone who lies to you about going out.
dump him first before he has chance to dump you.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Wow, I cannot believe how similar your relationship is with what I had with my ex! It actually sounded like you were describing our relationship! Spooky!
Coming from someone that's been in the exact same situation, I'm going to tell you that he really isn't that bothered about you. I used to wait up all night for him to come over (because he said he was going to) and then he didn't show! He used to use the same excuse about his phone dying so he couldn't let me know he wasn't coming.
He used to tell me he was going out to one place and then go somewhere completely different and when I asked him about it, he'd act as if it wasn't any of my business what he did! None of his stories ever added up and I just got to the stage where I realised there was no point in me questioning what he was doing because I'd never get a straight answer or he'd have a go at me for asking.
He used to make excuses up as to why he couldn't see me when we had made plans to do something together and whenever I offered to help him with something he was "supposedly" doing or offer to drive him, he'd refuse.
If I ever mentioned anything that I wasn't happy with then I'd be accused of being "moany" and all I ever do is moan...
We nearly broke up quite a few times and the argument would always end with him trying to save the relationship. In the end I found out that he was actually seeing someone else!! So his behaviour started to make a lot more sense to me...
Looking back now, I can't believe I put up with it for as long as I did and I would NEVER let anyone treat me like that again.
I learnt that I was too young to be putting up with a guy who treated me like that and there were MANY more guys out there that would treat me with respect. And now I've found a guy who I adore and adores me, he would never treat me badly!
So my advice to you would be to get out before your self esteem goes down the pan and find a guy who will respect you.
If you need to chat in more detail then I'll be happy to share more of my experience with you and give you any advice. :)
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