A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a married man who is 29 years older than I. I met him at my work place 3 years ago. I am a nurse married and he is a physician. Anyway, we started to become really close. We started going out, texting, and sending pics to each other. Things started to get out of hand when we started doing phone sex. He wanted to take it to another level which I said heck no. Lately he has been constantly pressuring me for sex which has become annoying. I tried to break off the friendship but we end up right back at the same point. On Christmas, he didn't call me. I called him and wished him a Merry X-mas. He started asking for sex and I just snapped. I told him where to get off at. He text me later apologizing then made a strange comment. His comment was "I will be perfect". When I told him that was being silly, he said "well watch me". I haven't called him and he hasn't called me either. I don't know what he meant by being perfect but I'm assuming he is not going to call anymore. What does he mean when he said I will be perfect?
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christmas, hasn't called, married man, phone sex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your honest opinions even though some of you hurt my feelings. I guess the truth hurts and I have decided to just walk away...what's the point of this situation anyway. I'm not and did not gain anything positive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): Interesting, you string him along, play the game, you get tired, get pissy, and then call him at Christmas? You're playing with him. Indeed, your question should be how to end the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Cookie123  +, writes (8 January 2010):
You have your own mind. Being pressured in to something does not mean you have to do it. If you want to save your relationship I recommend you cut this man out of your life as much as possible, and be honest with your partner, then beg that he forgives you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): when he says that you will be perfect im guessing he means that you will be perfect having sex with him, he is obviously so desperate for sex that he is trying to persuade you even more to have sex with him, its as if he is begging you for sex by saying that you will be perfect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Oh, for gosh sakes, I have doctors in my family, 3 anesthesiologists and one Phd in Nursing that was a professor at a University.
Two of those doctors struggled with drug addiction and alchoholism, one died from it albeit in his 70's and the PhD nurse lost her tenured job as a professor for falsifying data on a huge research project on aging, she was even featured on 20/20 presenting her "false" findings.
What I want to know is why do otherwise smart people make such bad choices for their lives that do harm to others as well as themselves?
My take on it is an attitude of entitlement. And until you can come to terms with the fact that you are human like the rest of us and cannot control the outcome of everthing on the planet then you will continue to distract your focus with such self destructive behaviors.
This man could have you fired, make your life hell, and you could sue him for sexual harassment. So have at it and may the best self important bastard win.
Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI not for once thought I was the only one that this man was interacting with. Yet he begged for the pics and begged for the friendship even after I ended it. He keeps calling me and has been for the past 2 years. I am in no doubt that he just wants sex and likes the chase. He knew the game before it began and he liked it so why is everyone rippin into me. He is the stupid one. I am not at all running behind him it's me and I never said he was in love with me. All I asked was what did he mean when he said I will be perfect. He makes comments like this everytime I rip into him for being an asshole. Give me credit where credit is due. I haven't slept with this man. He is like 61 and I am only 31.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 January 2010):
Do you want to wreck your marriage of fix it? That's the way this is going. He doesn't care about you at all, he just wants to use you for sex. That's it. So you can either fix your marriage and be important to your husband, or you can be second best.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 January 2010):
Something tells me that you enjoy the attention? He wants a sexual relationship and you want your ego stroked. So if you can't give him what he wants then he can't give you what YOU want either. Just let it go and work on your marriage instead
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A
female
reader, crazy08  +, writes (5 January 2010):
his ''i will be perfect'' maybe means he will be good starting the day he said those statement,, ''well watch me'' maybe means you will see changes after his truthful apology,,or he will no longer communicate with you,,observe how his attitude towards you will be,,
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (5 January 2010):
 Posts like this make me die laughing! Can't you really see that you've led him on totally, with what you've done so far? If you can't play grown-ups games, don't tease and then get upset with the result.
In short - grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): Hi. You met him in a professional setting and both of you are married but that didnt stop you from going out with him and having phone sex. Thats probably the reason why he is pressuring you to go to the next level, ie full sex. Like me, hes probably confused by your sudden heck no response and doesnt understand why you are saying that. You can hardly claim it wouldnt be right to have sex when youre already cheating with him and have had sex, albeit over the phone. It seems you have led him on and now dont want to go any further and hes a tad confused by this.
You also say you have tried to end things with him but you just end up back at square one. You will do if he goes quiet and so you call him! Hes playing a game with you. You protest you arent interested. He goes quiet. You call him to remind him youre around. He asks for sex again. You get annoyed blah blah. Look at his age and skill in getting you this far. You are kidding yourself if you think you are the first one hes tried this with. Youve probably enjoyed the attention but now feel uncomfortable because going to the next level feels like cheating to you. But you have been cheating already, so his point is, why stop now?
Looking at the context of the previous conversation when you called and he pestered for sex. I guess his perfect remark was regarding sex. Hes just put a `teaser` out there by saying he will be perfect. Hes hinting sex will be. Its his way of keeping you interested. And its worked! If you have deep feelings for him and you are prepared to leave your husband to be with him then both of you go for it. If you were just having fun with him but its going out of your comfort zone now and you really dont want sex, you have to make that clear to him and stop contact outside of work. My compliments to your husband.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): I'd stay away from him, it sounds as if he just wants to use you to fullfill his sexual needs.
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