A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a weird question to ask. The other day a mixed group of us were discussing who we think would be good in bed and who would not, mainly celebrities though, when a male friend of mine told me I give off an asexual vibe, like I'd be disgusted by the idea of having sex! This is not true at all, but everyone else said they could see what he meant. I asked my ex-boyfriend later (we are still friends) and he too said he thought I wouldn't be very sexual when he met me and he was very happy when he realised I was really into sex and actually quite adventurous. What do you think could be giving off this vibe? Everyone seems to agree but no one can work out why they think that, it's just an air I give off apparently. Its not as if I dress frumpy or anything and I used to do modelling so I know I'm seen as attractive with a good body. I can be quite shy though at times. I rarely get approached by men on nights out so could it be because of this?! I'm actually a bit upset by it to be honest.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 February 2013):
It’s difficult to say what this vibe is. The most likely explanation though is that you perhaps hold back a bit and don’t make it obvious from the start when you have sexual desire for some-one. That’s not a bad thing. Would it be better if you gave a vibe of being “up for it?” Perhaps you’re the kind of private person that needs to get to know some-one a bit first before you feel relaxed talking about sex or revealing your need or desire for sex. This makes sense from what your ex told you. You rarely get approached by men on a night out? Perhaps that’s because you’re going to places where people are looking to hook up. The best relationships should start with a firm friendship.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 February 2013):
 I don't know what the vibe is, but I'd thank your lucky stars that you have it because it's probably protecting you from all the sexual predator scumbags that are out there!!
It's not a requirement to be sexual and flirty and that side of yourself is more likely to come out when you meet someone you are really attracted too.
Sadly a lot of guys think women should be all over them because they are insecure and live on ego boosts, having women flirt with them is like trophy hunting and quite frankly it's a very old habit that should have been killed off a long time ago because it cheapens women and detracts from real and loving connections.
There is nothing wrong with being reserved and a little shy, in fact it's a virtue. Don't let other people's shabby low expectations ruin your good standards.
When you do meet someone your really interested in, you will naturally open up and warm to them (and that doesn't mean any old tom dick or harry, like other women flirt with). Be true to yourself, cherish your differences and stop worrying what other people think xx
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