A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A bloke came up to me in my local the other night and told me he's been having sex with my girlfriend for the past 4 months. He explained that she was waiting for the right time to tell me it's over.I just burst out laughing at the thought of my gorgeous girlfriend with this podgy ugly bloke.He swore at me and stormed out.Fact is.Iknow my girlfriend really well.We've been together 6 years and she has strong views about cheating.At home she told me the bloke sounded like a guy who started working in the same firm as her a few months ago.She said he's been pestering her for a date and her friends have been laughing about it.Mow this fella has stopped me a couple of times and mentioned intimate things about my girlfriend,like the mole on her shoulder.And he says I should check where she is when she says she's at the gym.I don't believe this guy,but it's niggling me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): Hi OP.I had a similar experience to your girlfriend. A guy at work showed interest in me because I was nice and helpful. Anytime I'd go into the canteen he would follow me im. He asked me out numerous time and told him I had a boyfriend. He joined the same rock climbing club(this man was 15yrs older and unfit) and once when I was out with friends I caught him sitting on his own looking at me, when my bf came along later he approached and got aggressive.. Called me names. He then sent an email to co-workers telling them I was having an affair with him (he got fired after that) and abusing me. He then came to my home and told my boyfriend we were sleeping together. I called the police and reported him for harrassment and informed his wife, only then he stopped bugging me.I was not sleeping with this man nor did I give him any impression to suggest I was interested. I was just doing my job, being polite and guess he took it the wrong way. This man scared me, I had to take leave at work and even now thinking about it gives me the creeps.So it might be that this guy is just trying to make trouble for your gf because she rejected him. If you trust her, support her. Lord knows when he could turn really nasty. Be SAFE.
A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 I agree with YouWish 100% on this. It seems to me like he's stalking and harassing both of you. It seems that he wants you to think that she was cheating, etc so that you'd break up with her and he could go after her. That's the behavior of a HIGHLY unstable person. THe fact that you laughed at him, and he swore and stormed off is very revealing of 2 things a) His own insecurity, and b) his mental instability. He's MAD that you couldn't believe him, and he wasn't getting his way. He's MAD that you know that it's impossible, and that she'd never be into him, and even angrier that (in his mind) you are rubbing it in. That's unsettling behavior, IMO. A shoulder is an area that a platonic acquaintance could easily see, at work or at the gym. If it were anywhere more intimate that would be different. I'd definitely file formal harassment charges, and get him to leave both of you alone. If you both just tell him to leave both of you alone,and he persists, then it could keep getting uglier, and uglier, and it could escalate. In my opinion, this guy could physically harm your girlfriend (or both of you) if she rejects him one too many times. Be cautious -- extra cautious, in fact. Take legal action asap.
...............................
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (29 November 2013):
I think I misread the last part of the letter.Is he implying she doesn't go to the gym but somewhere else?You might have to tail her but be discreet in case you fall into a trap.Maybe he'll watch her drive off followed by you but then what?I'm speculating.
...............................
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (29 November 2013):
I find your girlfriend's response to what you said to her a bit puzzling,she sounded a bit dismissive and defensive.I would have hit the roof if my girlfriend had said something similar to me.You could go to the police and make a complaint about him harassing you.Normal people don't do things like that.How does he know she goes to the gym?is he stalking her?He sounds infatuated with her and this could turn out dangerous,he sounds a real nuthead to me.You say he's revealed intimate details and he's invited you to check the gym to see for yourself.I would do this discretely at a distance or do you have a close friend who uses the gym and keep a discrete eye.Has your girlfriend aroused your suspicions in other ways?If she's not cheating then this bloke sounds dangerous and if you do find something....well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Next time you see the guy take a picture of him and show it to your GF so you two are SURE it's the same dude.
IF it is, she needs to nip this in the bud. And I would suggest to her that she takes this up with HR at work AFTER she tells him off. Or this will continue.
You say you trust your GF, but...... So trust her.
I have to say I HAVE been in your GF's shoes. A guy I volunteered with told my husband that he and I were dating.. That I didn't actually volunteer *eyeroll* It was dumb of him to do because I DID volunteer, I DID stay away from him (because he was sleazy and creepy) My husband had no problem trusting me and like you had quite a laugh.
I told my superiors and she even talked to my husband, after that the creepy dude were let go. Comes out later on that he did the same with another volunteer and she actually quit because she didn't want drama in her life.
I'm not saying that because the dude is short and "ugly" that it's a lie, but her reaction and his reaction kind of fit.
Seeing a mole on a shoulder is NOT intimate details. A mole on her upper inner thigh could be.
Also I can see why she wouldn't mention it to you. It's a creepy little dude at work asking her out, she thought she DEALT with it when she told him NO.
I wouldn't be surprised that he hopes he can create some drama and then "scoop" her up, apparently he is an imbecile to boot. Because what girl would date a guy who started rumors like that?
IF, and only IF he is the guy from work, she will have to do something because if he will "confront" you what else is he willing to do and it is HER work reputation at stake. She can't just blow this off.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 November 2013):
 A mole on her shoulder isn't an intimate detail. If this guy has been pestering her for a date, and she was open with you about that, I'm actually inclined to believe her. This creep may very well be trying to break you up in the hopes that you'll dump her, making her fair game for him.
Of course it's bothering you! But there are a couple of things your girlfriend can do to ease your mind. If she's telling the truth, then this guy is harassing both of you. She needs to tell the guy off, and that he crossed the line. She needs to let him know clearly that unless he leaves the both of you alone and stop sexually harassing her, she will inform their superior and human resources and file a formal complaint against him, because that creates a hostile work environment.
If she is innocent, she will be all too happy to do it, because if he is lying, then he's making her life a living hell. Also, and no, you're not entitled to this information, but if it were me getting harassed and someone was telling my husband that we were having sex, not only would I be furious, but I'd show my husband that there is no correspondence, no emails, texts, he's not on my Facebook. And if he was contacting me through the internet, I'd show my husband where I shot him down via message or email.
If she balks at any of this, especially the formal warning of him not to harass her, then get your guard up. If the guy is facebook friends and she's hemming and hawing and telling you not to tell the guy off for harassing you, then that would be cause for concern. No, she doesn't have to show you her private correspondence, but if he communicated to her through text or email and it was unwanted, her showing her rejection of him to you PRIOR to his bothering you would be an easy thing to do.
The guy is acting like a creep who was rejected by her and is now trying to make her life a living hell. Either way, he's a nutball, so be careful!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): It's only natural it niggles at you, the mere thought of our partners cheating on us can be very settling & here you are being told by someone she is. You know your gf, us she exhibiting any of the classic signs of cheating- protective if her phone? Taking more care of her appearance etc. if not, don't worry, this guy is just out to cause trouble.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2013):
 I have a tattoo on my shoulder... many men I work with know of this because I often wear clothing that has the top of it showing so they ask to peek at it...
IF he knows she's at the gym.. maybe he's seen the mole there... or maybe there is some truth to it.....
the fact that you think that your GORGEOUS girl friend would not be with a podgy ugly bloke means you don't get how women think.... it's not always about looks and some of the most gorgeous women in the world end up with podgy ugly dudes..
look at:
Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas
Mark Antony and J-Lo
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes
UGLY is only on the outside in many cases.
IF you don't believe him then why is it bothering you?
clearly he knows her.
clearly he's bold enough to ask her out
clearly she knows who you meant... and why in the world she has not mentioned it before might raise a flag or two.
IF a woman called me today and told me my husband was sleeping with her and described the mole on his ankle which trust me no one sees if he's dressed EVER... I'd still not believe he was sleeping about... It would not even "niggle" my brain.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): ...I'm sorry but I sorta believe him from what you've said. If not that they've had sex, then that he felt they were having some sort of bond because of flirting/touching/kissing. What sort of guy would be that adamant about having slept with another dude's girl? He doesn't even know you, he can't possibly have a grudge or anything he's trying to get at you for. The mole is w/e anyone could find that out if they really dug hard and deep enough... but the gym comment?sounds kinda legit, after all why would he say that knowing u could easily check and see that he was lying? Seems worth checking, in a RESPECTFUL way to ur GF since u can't just up and believe this guy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): He could be stalking her at the gym; and he can see any exposed skin and give a description of a mole, tattoo, or a birthmark. It's easy to see a mole on a shoulder; if you're wearing workout gear. Women's workout gear exposes a lot of skin to stay cool and for easy movement.I recommend that this be considered a danger warning. He has confronted you on more than one occasion; so that means he also stalks your whereabouts.Creating suspicion and getting you worked up is an old tactic of destroying your relationship from the inside. Create jealousy and suspicion, you'll create strife and insecurity. This guy is bad news; even if by some remote chance what he says is true. I just don't think she'd want to be with a guy that aggressive. He wouldn't come to you, he'd threaten her first. You'd notice the anxiety. You're always with her.Make sure your girlfriend is vigilant and parks her car in clear view. Making sure lots of people are around when she travels alone.You have no evidence other than his accusations, and six years of her commitment. Which is stronger?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): He may be telling the truth, then again he may have seen her shoulder quite easily in public. Though it's a bit odd your girfriend didn't mention him before.
...............................
|
