A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here is the deal. I am a bit confused and obviously seeking advice. I have been dating my boyfriend close to a year now. He Is a bit older (like 14 yrs older) I don't know if that makes a difference. He has also been married twice before with girls of the same age difference.The trouble is...I love him to bits...but there are definitely some issues and where I could see a future with him I have trouble with it now. I feel awful guilty for feeling that way to when I told him we would figure out how to make it work and I wouldn't leave like his most recent ex did (they havn't been together for 2 yrs now).He has some issues with panic attacks and being around people in almost a yr of being together he has only met one friend of mine...wont go out places with me and while I dont expect to go out all the time because I in fact am not a big going out person myself it gets frustrating to never go out...or go by myself. He has only had dinner with my family once and not been around them since....and while he is great with my daughter when she is around he tends to avoid situations of her being around because (he has heart problems too) and when he starts not feeling well he is afraid he will get mean and snap at her.And he never really seems to voice much thought on where he sees our relationship going or a future together. (We are 2 months from a yr together) and while I dont want to rush into movin in together, getting engaged ect. I feel almost like the relationship isnt going anywhere and has gotten kind of stagnant. Always staying the same.When we spend time together I very much enjoy his company laughing and talking. And we just have great chemistry sexually. I never focus on these issues when we are together...but when we are apart its like I am able to step back and see these problems.I just dunno how to make it work or if it can work and any advice on what I should do would be great!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
 My personal take on it is after a year if you are not happy and it's not progressing to where you want, then it's not going to get any better than it is already. If you feel it's not moving forward and it's stagnant..it's because it' probably is.
the fact that he's been married twice already with women of a similar age gap (14 years) and he is mid to late 30s tells me that he MAY target younger women. In addition how long were these "marriages" The ages of his first two wives concern me.
You are quite young to take on a life of staying home or going out forever without your partner. Is this going to be ok for you forever?
What about getting serious with a man who AVOIDS your CHILD? how will that work?
I'm not sure what this "heart condition" is but at 39 he may be playing it up for more than it is.
I have chronic pain and while it makes me cranky and irritable most of the time, I do not find the need to avoid CHILDREN of PEOPLE I LOVE.
I think you are letting him make excuses and accepting this relationship without being truly happy.
The age gap is not my concern at all... your gap is about the same as mine and my (younger) husband and while I never would have found him acceptable as a partner while he was in his 20s (he was not done being a child then which is clearly NOT your issue) I see no issues with nearly a full generational gap once all partners are past 30.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe also sends very mixed signals going from hardly wanting to see me to talking about how much he misses me on occasion.
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