A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im just wondering what are peoples thoughts. I was seeing a guy who went quiet on me we had been seeing each other for 6 month. i heard from him a handful of times in 2 month and didnt get to see him . I didnt sit about waiting for him i got on with my life , work , family , friends. Then he sent a message asking how i was so i said i was fine and asked what was going on with him. He didnt reply so i waited a week or so and messaged him saying im deleting him , blocking him and im gone forever and gave him advice if he was to have a relationship with anyone dont treat them the same as he treated me and i was sick of talking to a brick wall and said im gone. A day later i saw he had read my message and he replied he said he still wants to make a go of things with me. Im not stupid and ive kept it as ' friend ' talk and not running back to him and carrying on as if nothing happened . i told him i wanted an explanation to what was going on he said he couldnt tell me, i basically said if i dont get something im gone forever. He told me he was advised to stay off any social media and internet due to a delicate family matter and there was some legal stuff going on. This has almost cost our relationship. He doesnt have any living parents ( died over 10 yrs ago ) and had no siblings. I know his ex ran off with his 2 kids when they were a week old and that was nearly 20 yrs ago. Im wondering if this is to do with them. Im not telling him to give me all the details and he doesnt have to talk if he doesnt want to but what reason would someone be advised not to go on the internet for a legal reason ?
View related questions:
his ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2018): He might be telling the truth, about legal issues and it might just be bull shit. Regardless, he could have contacted you and is he really worth all this problem? If there was a true issue, he could have called you from a pay phone. If he isn't bright enough to do that, do you really want to bother?In your heart, you know this won't work. You're here so someone will confirm that. I'll do that. There's no excuse for someone to go from steady dating to nearly no contact for months. Your reaction of going on with your life and forgetting about him was correct. Get on with doing that and have a nice life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 April 2018):
I don't know how dating someone makes you so ill you have to be hospitalized, but regardless. Time to move forward, you made the right choice.
I hope you keep him blocked on everything.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Well OP I am glad that you ended it and saw that you deserve more than to messed around like this. Am sorry but there is no excuse not to let you know what is happening. He doesn't need social media to phone you and let you know what is going on or to keep you in the loop. That is not a relationship if he can go from talking one week to nothing the next. You have made the right decision in my eyes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): OP again . Ive had an explanation off him . He was advised to stay off social media due to on going problems hes having with finding his ex who vanished with his kids and hes been spending a long time looking for them. He was also told for ' the sake of his health ' not to commit to a relationship while this process was happening. Since seeing me ( 6 month ) he had been in hospital 7 times and does struggle . Im not making excuses for him because of his health and yes he should have told me he wanted a ' break' but he didnt. so i have decided to end it even tho he was gutted and i could see tears building i said its for the best .
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2018):
Do you feel you HAVE to keep seeing him because he has PTSD? That it's partly out of pity? Or that you can somehow HELP him?
I think you CAN judge a (wo)man by his/her actions.
Are his actions that of someone you can see a future with?
My guess is, IF you are being honest... the answer is no.
If it's a yes, then I can only wonder about your standards for a partner and relationship.
You say ONE thing but do another. You tell him you are done, and a goodbye *insert dramatic exit* yet you stick around, you don't just block him. You hope he will WANT to explain away the behaviors.
So did you write in to ask if you should keep seeing him or whether his "excuse" sounded valid?
If you INTEND on keep seeing him, WHY not ask him to specify? Why hasn't he called you (or is he not allowed to use his phone too?) and if he couldn't use his phone why didn't he show up at your place? Take you out? Spend time with you?
Like I said... TOO many red flags.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): It sounds to me like you have a Walter Mitty character on your hands. You put him on the spot and suddenly he says he has to stay off social media because of a 'delicate family affair' GET REAL. If a man wants to be in your life they will and won't make excuses. If he genuinely hasn't been in contact with you and has said it's to do with social media ban he has shot himself in the foot, that indicates HE has done something wrong. But either way i smell bullshit, you have given him attention and he has responded in earnest to keep you there an intrigued in reasons why. This has not 'Cost' you your relationship, i'm sorry you don't have one. If i was to second guess i would say he met someone else and is getting bored so wants to keep you on a piece of string dangling, do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time on this loser.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): IM the op . i know hes not married i have spent a lot of time at his place and i know he suffers from ptsd and has been open to telling me when he spends time in hospital for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (19 April 2018):
 When somebody cannot even be completely honest and open with you from the very start, then you have to seriously question their modus operandi.
This guy comes across as a storyteller and tells lies and this is so very obvious, but even more so, he is hiding something seemingly "serious" from you and if he chooses to not tell you, then you're being kept in the dark and for how long?
When a man is serious about you and is fully engaged in you, he will do everything in his power, to show you these things.
Meaning he'll be honest and upfront about he and his life, from the start.
He will never make you feel "left out" so to speak.
People such as this, will always keep things from you and will always play cat and mouse games with you.
Is this the type of relationship, that you wish to pursue?
I suspect, most people, if not all, would be running for the hills.
I suggest that you do the same, because you'll never, ever be able to maintain a normal relationship with him.
If you choose to remain and continue to wait, give him more and more time, more chances, then he will use you and abuse you and your trust, not to mention, wasting your precious time.
In the end, he may even break your heart.
Don't even allow it, to get to this stage and end it all now.
I personally, wouldn't ever waste my time with such a person.
Too complicated and way too secretive and shady in character.
Ask yourself,
Could he have been in jail?
Could he be secretly married?
Could he be living in a de facto relationship?
Could he be in trouble with the Police and be under surveillance, hence his "weird" behaviour?
Could he have a serious mental health issue and be potentially dangerous?
Could he be freshly divorced and be dealing with way too much, to cope with you or with any new relationship?
I could go on and on and on, but i won't.
I think you get what i'm trying to say here.
There are so, so many questions and all are unanswered.
I would have to agree with all respondents and their wise advice.
Please steer totally clear of this one and get on with your life.
There are plenty of much better fish in the sea.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Don't waste time on him , this is a big load of bullshit.
Supposing that he does have legal issues banning him from social media ( issues that ,IMO, he should have told you at once when they arose, even without giving you full details ; not two months later ) I find hard to believe that you have been dating 6 months and he does not know your phone number and/ or address. If he had wanted to see you, he could have texted you. Called you on the phone. Wrote you a letter . Came in person to ring your doorbell ! He is SO bulshitting you. Just block him and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Why does it matter?
He’s clearly messing around. If he wanted to see you why couldn’t he send one message saying ‘Hey let’s meet at x at 7?’ You know why? Because he’s not interested in doing so.
Do as all the other aunts have said and block him. You’re at an age where you should know what you want and should be able to spot someone who’s playing childish games.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Sorry, I have to say I did find myself tutting and mentally rolling my eyes at your dramatic "I am gone forever" comments. I mean, really? I tend to read posts and see if I can guess the op's age from them. I guessed you to be in your teens, with the dramatic talk.
You have no history with this guy. You have only been dating him for a short while. You don't even know if the story about the wife running off is true. If it IS true, how desperately must she have wanted to get away to do that with 2 babies? You only "know" what he has told you. Keep an open mind and question everything.
His excuses for not contacting you are bullsh*t. I can smell it from here. YOU know they are bullsh*t. Admit it. He's probably got stuff going on that prevents him from dating you at the moment (another partner or wife who has suspicions about what he has been doing, I would suspect). Stop letting him yank your chain. Write this one off to experience and move on with your life. You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2018):
I would just block him, OP
Him seeking legal advice COULD be because he has been stalking someone. The fact that he didn't REALLY give you an explanation, just some vague excuse, kind of point to him being in need of legal advice because HE did something inappropriate....
His whole behavior during this last 6-8 months is not JUST what you want in your life.
You are wasting your time if you keep him in your life, while HE strings you along.
Too many red flags, OP
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Sounds weird, the only way I can see people being requested to stay off social media is if they are using it for illegal purposes, such as harassing or stalking others.
For some reason your letter reminds me of a guy who used to go around claiming he was an undercover cop, it gave him permission to disappear at times and to behave badly (drugs) because he was "undercover".
I suggest you block him anyway, if you had been seeing him for six months he should know how to contact you the old fashioned way when his little legal farrago is over.
...............................
|
