A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:THIS IS WHAT I WROTE BEFORE: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/please-help-me-stand-up-for-myself.htmlThese friends are the only friends I have and when they give me the silent treatment or start rumors it really hurts! I pretty much end up begging them and doing whatever I can to get them to be nicer to me I even told one of the girls that that never happens with any of the other of them so what do I do so different? The one girl just said, “You should be really grateful you have friends at all so you have no room to complain. You just don’t know how to act, you’re too clueless” I’ve told guys in our group that I only wanted to be friends and all they do now is be mean to me and give other people reasons to be meaner to me than they already are. Another girl in the group said that was just karma. I asked over and over what I did that was so mean and NO ONE will tell me They say if I don’t know then I’m just stupid.I rack my brain every night before I go to bed. The words I say the most are, “You’re right” and “I’m sorry”. If someone makes fun of me or embarrasses me I just pretend it doesn’t bother me so they do it more. If I say it bothers me they do it more. If I ignore them, they do it more. If I get away from them, they seek me out. I don’t know what I do is mean to guys, I really don’t. I don’t argue with my friends, I don’t tell them they’re wrong and I even let them et me take the blame for things because they punish me when I don’t. I drop everything for them, give them my food even when I’m really really hungry and my money even if I get in trouble for it. I bend over backward and I’m still considered the mean one! I was told it was mean to push the guy who kissed me at a school dance (I pushed him away because I was startled and uncomfortable and embarrassed and I didn’t think) I quietly took the punishment from my parents for letting the boy kiss me in the first place even though I never wanted him to. They were mad I pushed him because it embarrassed him and made him look stupid. I really only went to the dance because it always sounded fun. I didn’t know I was supposed to kiss him! If I knew that, I wouldn’t have gone!I told this one guy who made me laugh a lot and was fun to hang out with that he was a good friend and he said he thought I liked him and that I shouldn’t have led him on. It ruined it. Everyone stopped talking to me for that too. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I told another guy, “I’m just looking to be friends” and he laughed at me and told me I had a big ego. So they were being mean about that too. What am I doing wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2018): What you're going through is called "peer-pressure." What you are now learning is that you can't please people for trying. You are also learning that everyone you call a friend, isn't!
You have to inform an adult when kids over-power you. Your parents, a teacher, your guidance-counselor, your school psychologist, and anyone you really trust. Sometimes it's too much to handle all by yourself. Your parents have to know when you are suffering at school. Don't lie to us, you haven't told them. Kids seldom trust their parents to know how to handle their problems, or hate tattling on others.
You have to learn to take charge of who you are and stop trying so hard to please people to make them like you. If you are a good, strong, and honest person; you must choose good strong and honest people to be friends. The minute they turn on you, end it. If they come after you, inform them why you dumped them as friends. It is because they are nasty and mean, and you haven't done anything to deserve their disrespect. Then ignore everything they say and do. No matter how bad. If it goes too far, report it to your school principal, or to your parents.
Kids your age don't like squealing on other kids. They would rather keep it to themselves to avoid the other kids from getting revenge. Well, they're already kicking your butt no matter what you do. Even if you're busy kissing theirs!
The clue you are missing is to stop letting nasty kids push you around. Standup for yourself!
You have established something with your so-called friends that is going to be hard to undo. You break your back to please them and go over-board to be accepted. They will only keep raising the bar, and you will never reach it. You have to stop being a follower; and learn to be a leader and more independent. Even if that means you have to go without friends until you find the right kind of people. It's not how many friends you have; but the quality of people you call a friend.
Boys are not allowed to touch or kiss you unless you want them to. Period!
Growing-up requires you to experience what you are. It will continue happening all your life. Now you see people for what they are, and how they try to control you.
Until you show them you can do just fine without them; they own you like a trick pony. Snapping the whip to make you jump and dance. So stop jumping and tell them where to get-off!
Standup for yourself, or be bullied. You have to be strong or get trampled by mean kids. They do it, because they've made you feel they have control over everything you do. That's true, until you decide that you have had enough.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2018): Thease people are not and have not ever been your friends.I was bullied in school.Grade school to high school.Life does get better.Trust me on this.I grew up and moved out of the old neighborhood and life got better.It might not seem like it now but believe me you will find better friends.I only really had one friend in school and we are still friends today.But now I have more as I get older.Thease bullies will have a hard life.Just do not hang with thease people because you know you are better than their verbal punching bag.You do deserve better than this.Friends treat people with respect and kindness.Thease people only bully.How do they respect you?How are they kind to you.The answer is they do not respect you and they are not kind..not friends.get it?It will be ok.Things get much better as you get older and you can put all that drama of school years behind you.If you can find one good friend you are doing better than most.life will get better I promise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): Omg you have done nothing wrong!!! Please stop apologising and being a push over... sweetie I don't mean to sound harsh but you really need to stand up for yourself and don't tolerate this.
I'm 25 now but when I was in school my friends would pick on me a little because they could and I let them. It took me years to grow up and build my confidence, and those girls wouldn't dare do that to me now, I'm the most confident one out of all of them. Please believe in yourself more. STOP saying sorry and stop letting them pull you to pieces. Sending love 3
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): These girls are not your friends. They have no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. They see that you are desperate, that you have no self-esteem and will take their abuse and blame yourself for their abuse. These girls are bullying you.
Does your school offer counseling? If it does get yourself some help and if it doesn't talk to your parents and have them get some help for you. If you feel you can't talk to your parents perhaps there is a teacher who can guide you in the right direction.
If you don't want to do any of the above suggestions then tell them to bug off, you guys make me sick, I've got better things to do than hang out with you, you freaking losers! Tell them that and never look back. If you do that you may develop some confidence and self-respect which are qualities that will help you make real friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): Omg you need to let these sh:theels GO THE F AWAY! They are NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!!
Stop apologizing and stop trying to suck up to these people who are life’s losers! This is a life lesson!
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