A
female
age
30-35,
*ottie.X
writes:A girl told me he told her he liked her two days into our relationship. I got super angry at him and accused him of cheating even though he kept denying it repeating "I have NO idea what you'e talking about!!" But she's a bit of a gossip so I don't think I believe her. Plus I was really depressed before I met my boyfriend and he comforted me and told me he'd wait for me until I was ready to date him. We talked everyday for a month and he always told me how much I mean to him. I just don't believe he would tell another girl he likes her after all that.I really regret having a psycho at him. I couldn't stop apologizing the next night, and I told him I love him and would never ever ever do it again, only believe him. and he told me this:him: "Alexis you know I'm not like that, I want to stay friends, I just couldn't understand why you went so over the top last night, I mean I know you would be upset hearing those rumours, but I would never lie to you, I never cheated on you,i never would, its just so low, and of course I liked you! Alexis I love you! and I always will. I do want to be with you, but after everything that has happened,i just need time. I do love you, and I'll always be here for you, I just need time after everything that happened, can we please stay friends?"me: "time for what? so you want to break up for good...? I told you I am so so sorry"him: "i don't want to break up for good, I just need time to clear my head, cause last night was alot, I have to go,i'll c you round,i love you"Though he suggested a break before I got angry, just when I wasn't believing him. "I didn't break up with you, it's just a break" he said. He says he wants to "stay friends" yet wants to be with me and doesn't want to break up for good? What?? Might he come back? It's been 6 days. What was he trying to say? And does it sound like the girl might have been telling the truth? I can't stop crying. Should I contact him and try and work it out once and for all, and if he doesn't want to, then leave it? What do you think of this? Just any advice would be great.
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female
reader, dottie.X +, writes (18 September 2011):
dottie.X is verified as being by the original poster of the question We were together for 2 months and a half and I heard about the rumour after 2 months and a half. It's complicated but my best friend said I'd changed and she was worried about me that it could be because this guy could end up hurting me after what her friend told her. Her friend said he'd told her he liked her two days into our relationship (which lasted 2 MONTHS and a half). She didn't tell me at the start because she thought I wouldn't believe her.
I was having the worst week. I thought my friends were turning on me, I got physically abused at home and then someone put the idea in my head that my boyfriend had (sort-of) cheated and it all got to much for me, maybe that's why I took it out on him. Though I know my actions wer inexcusable and immature.
And I did beat my depression when I met him. I was just very confused over the rumour because my best friend said "would you believe me over what anybody else says?" and I said "yes" and she told me. Then I heard his side, and the girl who was apparently told she was liked talked to me about it, so then I flipped out at him. Which was a massive mistake, I know. I regret it so so so so much.
he messaged me this last night "i know this is really bad timing with exams but i have made my mind up...i just cant do it again, because i got really hurt from what you said to me and i dont want to be hurt again. i know this seems weird but if we got back together and broke up again it would hurt more, and i dont want to hurt you, i do love you but i dont want to risk hurting you because you mean so much to me..im sorry if you think im dumb but i just cant risk hurting you...im sorry. i love you. good luck for your exams"
When he messaged me that last night I rang him. He said he's been cheated on before and was dumb enough to take her back and that hurt. (I never cheated and I said I never would.) Then we chatted like good friends about random stuff, and laughed. Before we hung up he said "I love you" Me: "You too" He said "...Say it" I said "I love you" he goes "awwww" and made kissing noises. He said he still wants to be friends, and hang out next weekend, and still hug. Then he joked about being friends with benefits. Not happening by the way so don't take that seriously!
But when we spend time together as friends in a few days, I was wondering if I could try to work things out in person. Like, look into his eyes and say to him that "I've learned to always believe him and to control my emotions and I'd do anything, ANYTHING to prove that I won't hurt him like that again because I'll always believe him straight away" etc. Do you think I should?? Things are better to work out in person. And if he says no, THEN I'll let it go and just learn from the experience and not do it again in the future. What do you think?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Uh how much drama. On both sides.
If you went psycho on him just for a rumor, and after all of two days of dating, ... of course he got scared , who wouldn't be. He must have thought you 'd be the kind of girl who'd put him on trial for a sneeze : " why did you sneeze right now, what does this sneeze mean ? have you kissed a girl with a cold ? "
Then again, he too... it's two days of dating and he's all I love you, I 'll be yours forever, I'd never betray you, and this and that..
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
All in all, I'd give it a miss. Unlickily it sounds like this romance was born misshapen.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 September 2011):
Unfortunately, you could not have handled the whole situation in a worse way in relation to that rumour. I can't be sure whether she was telling the truth or not, but for you to lose it like that just 2 days into a relationship shows that you have way too much to be dealing with to be involved with a guy. I don't think you're yet in a position where you can date. I don't think you're happy, I don't think you were happy before and that is directly affecting the decisions you make. That explosion just 2 days in shows that you never trusted him in the first place. You can't be in a relationship if you can't trust someone. And you can't be in a relationship if the first thing you do when someone says something is lose your temper.
As for this guy - the break leads me to suspect that he was scared off. There's no evidence anywhere that he was cheating or that he'd said anything to another girl. I think the problem was that he spent a lot of time counselling you before, and thought whatever problems you had, had gone away. They hadn't, and he's been scared off. Usually, any suggestion of a break (especially so soon), is a sign that he's also not ready to commit.
My feeling is that you need to break this off permanently, and spend real time working on yourself. You're not ready for a relationship just yet. You have to work on your lack of trust, that depression you have and you really have to work out why after just 2 days you flipped out so badly.
You're not ready, and the fact that your boyfriend suggested a break so soon indicates that he's not ready either.
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A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 I think you need to let him come back to you. If he loves you then he will forgive you and make contact. If he doesn't or keeps suggesting you all be friends then he probably is trying to check out other options. If you blew up at him really bad though, he may be rethinking how worth being with is if this is how you are when you are mad. Just be cool and calm and friendly when he contacts you so he sees that it was an isolated incident.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (17 September 2011):
Sorry for your pain but you cause it urself. i keep telling people that when youre dating someone it needs to be between you and that person. Dont involve friends, family, or ur favorite tv host. Lets say her name is susan snow and ur bf is Jeff. Here is what u should have did; Susan: jeff and I had a thing thzt lasted until you two guys hooked up as bf/gf. You: he's not here so I want talk behind his back so (ring) his line and put it on speaker, now you have all parties involved. You wouldnt have needed to question him at all coz ur answer would have been known.
If he's unavaiable you needed to stop her until he was avaiable. This is called standing by your guy.
He see too much drama in this so he may have walked.
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