A
male
age
41-50,
*oydeepd
writes:I met this woman at a lunch party last May and ever since I have been very attracted to her. I am in love with her and told her so. I am married, 34 years old while this woman is 36. My wife and I have a great relationship but she is out of the country on business. My wife is really a nice person and there is no way I am going to walk out of this marriage. That’s not an option for me. This woman is single and we have been chatting online for several months before we went out for a long drive. Though I have told her on day one that I like her more than a friend, she keeps insisting that we be just friends and not get romantically involved. She says I should not send her mushy messages because it’s not right and not fair to my wife. Last week after the drive, I sent her couple of text messages telling her that I missed her more than my wife and she went ballistic. She said either I stop messaging her and take her only as a friend or she will have nothing to do with me. We did not talk for a few days and then we made up. During one of our chat sessions, she told me she has no feelings for me. Lately, she stopped coming online. However, when I ask her to be online, she always logs in. When I asked her the reason, she insists that its nothing to do with me in particular and that she actually enjoys being with me and looking forward to the next drive together. She claims she is wired that way – to disappear once in a while. I am pretty tired of these mind games and not able to figure where I stand. So I have several questions here. First, is it about physical attraction? I am not sure if she even finds me attractive enough to have a physical relationship if it ever happens. She is 5’6 while I am 5’4. Second, why does she want to be friends with me? She can just say NO and walk away. She should have done that the first day if she was so against this relationship. Third, why is she so bothered about my marriage and my wife?Please advice.
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female
reader, tulipdame  +, writes (20 October 2007):
Good! I am really glad for you. Stick to that decision and make friends with men instead.
A
male
reader, joydeepd +, writes (19 October 2007):
joydeepd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Tulipdame,
I did some analysis of the situation before I wrote in here and I couldn't agree with you more. Your analysis "Personally, I think this woman is trying to figure you out. A part of her rejects you as a jerk and part of her sees the nice guy in you. She's lonely and you fill a space in her life that she's even afraid to admit to herself she has" was amazing and I think it echoed what I always had in mind. As of today, I have decided to end this relationship because I need my peace of mind and she need hers. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (18 October 2007):
You are really setting yourself up to get screwed in this situation... and possibly screwing up her life if she's stupid enough.
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A
male
reader, joydeepd +, writes (18 October 2007):
joydeepd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAppreciate all your responses!
I would like to make two things clear which probably did not come out in my original post. I am NOT dependent on my wife financially. I run my own IT company and second sex is not a priority as far as this woman goes. I really fell in love with her. And perhaps thats why it is so much more complicated.
Also, I am quite a social guy with a huge circle of friends, both men and women. I have my own set of buddies (guys mostly and some girls) some of them are common friends between my wife and me.
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A
male
reader, joydeepd +, writes (18 October 2007):
joydeepd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAppreciate all your responses!
I would like to make two things clear which probably did not come out in my original post. I am NOT dependent on my wife financially. I run my own IT company and second sex is not a priority as far as this woman goes. I really fell in love with her. And perhaps thats why it is so much more complicated.
Also, I am quite a social guy with a huge circle of friends, both men and women. I have my own set of buddies (guys mostly and some girls) some of them are common friends between my wife and me.
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A
male
reader, Dextro69 +, writes (18 October 2007):
 come on chap you say you dont want to /cant/wont leave your wife then why are you so determind to beleive that there should be something with this women. a man and women can be friends and there be nothing more than that to there relationship. this women like you as a friend but no more you are just not her type.
you either have to have a friendship as is with her or nothing but if you try to push it more what happens when your wife finds out what is not an option for you is for her and you end up lossing your wife and friend.
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A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (18 October 2007):
I would be really interested to see other what people say about this... Personally, I think this woman is trying to figure you out. A part of her rejects you as a jerk and part of her sees the nice guy in you. She's lonely and you fill a space in her life that she's even afraid to admit to herself she has. She doesn't understand relationships well enough to know you can't be just friends with someone like you. You on the other hand sound like you have trouble developing friendships with men and so you seek closeness with women only - your wife and then some. It is really unhealthy and you are taking a really big chance of ruining your good relationship that you have - and prize - with your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): why is she so bothered about my marriage and my wife? Are you serious? She is not a home wrecker and you're off limits if married. That is what your vows were for, remember to love and honor and forsake all others? She shouldn't even be talking to you. I assume she is just lonely and that's why she's still friends with you. As a tall woman, I must say when a man is shorter than me, I find it a turn off but who knows her opinion on that subject. Are you only with your wife for financial reasons? If so, let her go. I hope that other woman finds somebody (who is available) and stops talking to you. Do you honestly think that she's going to want to be with you romantically when you are looking to cheat on your wife? What does that tell her about you and your morals and character? It sounds like all you want from her is sex anyways..you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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